“You look terrible,” he says. “Whatever distress you’re experiencing, it’s no excuse to let it show. Women are emotional creatures, overly so. Be better than that.”
I stare back at him, wondering for a moment why it’s wrong to be emotional over losing a friend. But I don’t question him; he already seems unnerved by my mood.
So I force a smile, and the professor pats the top of my head before walking away.
13
It’s movie night, and the girls and I are grateful for the distraction. Outside, the weather has turned vengeful, spitting down rain and flooding the grass. Thunder booms every so often, rattling the bars on the windows. Bright flashes of lightning illuminate the sky.
We spread out the pillows and blankets in the common room, passing a bowl of popcorn between us. There’s no love story in this movie, which is disappointing. I’m hungry for knowledge about relationships. Kissing. Sex. But the movies we watch are scrubbed clean of that sort of content, including most of the romance.
At least, that’s what the last Guardian told us. When I asked him why, he said we didn’t need to fill our heads with that kind of fantasy.
The next day, I went to Dr. Groger and asked him why the academy doesn’t teach us about sex. He laughed at the question.
“That’s for your husband to teach you, Philomena,” he said with a smile as he put his hand on my knee. That was the last time I brought it up to him.
Now the girls and I read about it in magazines instead.
The movie starts, and although the other girls watch dutifully, I find myself bored. I don’t want to see another movie about men committing crimes. A man who does terrible things but is still called a hero because he loved his dead wife once upon a time. Never mind the families he’s destroyed in the meantime. It all seems... cruel.
When the popcorn is gone, Sydney holds up the bowl to draw Guardian Bose’s attention.
“Any chance?” she asks sweetly.
“I don’t think so,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. Several girls pout.
“But I promise to run extra laps tomorrow,” Sydney offers, crossing her heart. “Pretty please?”
Guardian Bose rolls his eyes before he reluctantly agrees. He takes the bowl and disappears downstairs to the kitchen.
The moment he’s gone, all the girls turn away from the movie, glad to be alone together. But Sydney’s expression sags. I know she wants to talk about Lennon Rose. When I bring my blanket over to sit next to her, she looks at me sadly.
“I miss her,” Sydney says. “If we could just call her...” Her voice trails off, but she’s given me an idea—my own spark of lightning. I can’t believe I nearly forgot about him.
“Jackson’s coming to meet me tomorrow,” I whisper, leaning in.
It takes her a moment, but when she realizes what I’m getting at, Sydney’s face lights up.
“And you can tell him about Lennon Rose,” she adds quietly. “If Jackson finds her number, we can call her and make sure she’s okay. Anton doesn’t even have to know.”
It’s exactly the sort of news we needed—the chance to talk to our friend again. The rain and thunder rumbling outside don’t seem so dreary anymore.
Sydney and I tell Marcella, Brynn, and Annalise, keeping it quiet from the others just in case it doesn’t work out. But we think it will, and our moods have dramatically improved.
Brynn leans over to wrap her arms around Marcella’s shoulders from behind, her chin on the top of her head. “So yourboyis coming here tomorrow?” she asks, grinning.
I glance at the closed door to make sure the Guardian isn’t back yet. “Jackson’s going to meet me during Running Course, yes,” I whisper. “I’m going beyond the fence.”
“Now that’s a good secret,” Marcella says. “The boy stuff”—she waves her hand—“whatever. But sneaking beyond the fence? I’m into it.”
“I don’t know,” Annalise says with a shrug. “The boy’s pretty cute. He brought you candy.”
“He’s too skinny for my taste,” Sydney says as if I’ve asked them all for their opinions on the matter. “But there’s something about him,” she adds. “He’s sexy.”
She doesn’t whisper the word, and it travels across the room. Several girls look scandalized, but Annalise holds up her palms, looking very official.
“It’s okay, girls,” Annalise announces. “We may not talk like that here, but outside this academy they’re giving blow-job lessons in magazines. We’ll be all right.”
