I guess so?
The freezer was delivered by two orcs who looked barely older than teenagers, pulling up to her little development, idling before the driveway, unloading an industrial-looking unit into the garage, and plugging it in. She hadn’t needed to do anything.
When she came home from work the following day, the first day of the second week that he’d be there in her house, she paused before the freezer, irritated with its presence.Why do Ineed this? It’s taking up space and running up my electric bill. You should tell him to take it back.She pulled on the door, looking inside for the first time . . . finding it full.
There were two dozen different meals, healthy and varied, most of them vegetarian, some half-vegetarian, half-meat for her little carnivore. Grilled cauliflower steaks, asparagus risotto, lemon-pepper butter beans, salt-and-pepper tofu stir-fry, a variety of different vegetable pasta dishes, all labeled and divided into meal-sized containers, filling the shelves. She wouldn’t need to cook for a month, at least.Are we family?Her stomach twisted.We could have been.She closed the door, not liking the way she felt.What are they after they bloom?
Her eye had twitched when she came through the door, smelling that bright citrus-clean scent, evidence that he’d probably scrubbed her entire condo from top to bottom while Aelin took her nap.They become obligations.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, wee princess,” he’d kissed Aelin on the top of the head, giving Silva a brief, sad smile on his way out the door.
He was packing himself away from her again. Giving her the space she was telegraphing that she wanted, honoring whatever decision she made regarding their relationship, and staying true to his word — not shirking his responsibility to their daughter and keeping his distance from her in the meantime, as if she might bite.That’s probably what you need to do.
“Mommy, why are you mad at Tate?” Aelin asked her that night as they snuggled in Silva’s bed before it was time for her to be tucked in.
She paused for a moment, kissing her daughter on the nose. “I’m not mad at him, silly goosey.”
That wasn’t exactly true, though, she admitted. She wasfrustrated. Adjusting to going back to work was harder thanshe’d thought; adjusting to being away from her tiny girl all day was agony, and Tate was being so irritatinglyagreeable.
He’d never been agreeable before. He’d never contacted her unprompted, had never been so willing to bepresent. He’d never told her they were “past the point of secrets”then. And it low-key infuriated her to contemplate that perhaps the reason why having him in her life this time around seemed so much easier was thatshehad been the problem before, too clingy, too insecure and emotional, too immature for the relationship as it was.
That wasn’t possible, she told herself.Shewasn’t at fault here. She was the victim.
Buthehasn’t changed. You have. He’s counting in weeks. So if things are easier, it’s becauseyou’redifferent.
But that wasn’t entirely true, either. He was making them a project. An obligation. And that wasn’t what she wanted to be to him.
Aelin nodded. “Yes, you are. You gave him angry eyes.”
Silva exhaled slowly.And now you’re being called out by a toddler.
“Well, I’m sorry if I did, bunny. I’ll tell him I’m sorry tomorrow . . . do you like having him pick you up from school?”
Her tiny girl nodded again. Silva pulled her close, closed her eyes, and breathed her in.They become obligations. She didn’t want to feel like an obligation to him. He had desired her once. And if it had only been five days and a handful of weeks, why did he seem to no longer?Because you’re pushing him away. Because you don’t know what you want, and he’s giving you the space to decide.
She exhaled sharply again. She didn’t likeTatebeing the reasonable one in their relationship. She didn’t want him back if he was only invested because now he knew he had a child. He’d deposited a large sum of money into the account with hername on it, saying nothing to her, but doing it just the same. He had paid the prorated fee for the school term, had stocked her refrigerator in addition to all the meals in the freezer, and had offered several times to give her a break on the weekends if she wanted it. She didn’t want to be achorethat needed doing.
You’re doing the same thing he did when he got out of the hospital. Silva huffed to herself, making a small animal noise into her daughter’s hair. She hated this in-between gap where they’d found themselves.You’re the one who put both of you there.
“Mommy?”
Silva opened her eyes, finding her daughter staring into them intently.
“Is Tate going to be my new daddy?”
The tension she’d been carrying twisted so hard it nearly dissolved itself in one wrenching pull at her insides. How could she deny her daughter having another person to count on? Having someone else who loved her?We can figure our relationship out without it affecting her.
“Do you think that sounds good?”
Aelin nodded again, her warm little palm on Silva’s cheek, staring unblinking into her eyes. “Moonbeam says he’s my real daddy.”
Silva almost choked, pulling Aelin’s head down to rest against her breast. “I think Moonbeam needs to concern himself with leaving your little chipmunk friend alone. It’s almost time for bed, okay?”
The following afternoon, she left Aelin at her drawing table, following Tate out the door.
“Can we talk for a minute?”
He turned slowly, that sad smile still taking up residence on his face. “Of course. What can I do, dove? Do you need help this weekend with—”
