He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “I didn’t say you looked like a worn-out shoe, Silva. You’re beautiful, as always. You looktired.”
She swallowed with a nod, disliking that he was right. “I am.”
Returning to work was harder than she expected. She knew she should’ve held onto a part-time job all those endless months of crawling the walls in the house she shared with Tannar. The mere act of getting up early to prepare herself for a day in the office had been a chore in its own right, and then the day itself stretched ahead, withactualwork to do, a team meeting, a conference call, tasks and accountability. She wondered why she had begrudged the easy coasting she had done in that same office more than five years earlier.
“It’s good though. I need to get back into the habit.”
Tate didn’t voice whether or not he agreed with her sentiment. “What can I do to help?”
Her eyes flicked to him, and she swallowed hard, thinking over the question. It wasn’t a low-effort offer.Let me know if there’s anything I can do. That’s what she was used to hearing. He was looking at her, waiting for anactualanswer, actually willing to assist, to take something off her plate, keeping it to himself if he thought she shouldn’t be returning to work at all.
“We’ll see. Just getting her in the afternoons is going to be a big help.” It would be an even bigger help if he brought her to school in the mornings, less for her to do in her mad dash out the door, but Silva knew she couldn’t ask that. Not when he was all the way in Greenbridge Glen.
“I can pack her lunch for the week,” he offered. “Then all you have to do is drop the pouch into her backpack every morning.”
Packing her bag for the day would entail her communications folder, her snack, and her little water bottle. Silva had cried like a baby purchasing it all, not wanting to share her little wing with the world outside their door. Remembering which day was sillysock day, keeping track of what letter the class was working on. Aelin already knew her letters, but Silva knew that didn’t matter in the scope of things, not wanting her daughter to be ostracized for being unprepared.
“That would be a big help,” she murmured, eyes filling with tears. Silly, stupid tears. She had nothing to cry over. It wasn’t as if she was sending her off to college. Aelin was going to preschool three minutes from home and needed to start learning how to interact with children her age. As it was, it was nearly summertime.
Still, Silva hated it. She hated not being home, hated feeling as though dropping her daughter off was a chore to be completed in the mornings on her way to work. She would have been content to keep Aelin tucked away at home with her forever, and that in and of itself was the best indication that it was time to start pushing her little wing out of the nest.
As they exited the car to enter the preschool building, Tate slipped his hand into hers and gave it a squeeze.You don’t have to do this alone anymore,the warmth of his hand said.
Now you have to share her with me, was what it felt like.
She pursed her lips, not deigning to turn to him or acknowledge the gesture, but she neither had she let him go, gripping him tightly. Her chest was tight.You wanted him back. All you’ve wanted for five years was for him to come home. So why does it feel like you want to push him away?
It wasn’t just the sharing, although that was a large part of it.
It was everythingelsehe was doing.
Once more, Silva knew she was being stupid. She was overreacting. She was getting the help she so desperately needed, from someone she had desperately wanted back in her life, stepping into the role of partner in the way she had always desperately wished for . . . and all of it left her feeling out of sorts.
She hadn’t wanted him back in her life like this.
All those endless months that turned to years, she had envisioned him exactly as he’d been, exactly asthey’dbeen. He was exciting, he made her pulse race, he made her feel worshipped and desired. Now he was more concerned about whether the school had a policy on healthy snacks than what she was wearing, and Silva hated it. She wanted him back. Back in her life, back in her bed, back in her heart. She wanted her daughter to have him in her life. But evidently, she wanted those things in separate compartments.Youtold him you need to take things slow.
Sheknewthis was what she’d asked for. That didn’t mean she had to like it.
Aelin had already changed out of her school clothes and was coloring at her little table when Silva came through the door after that very first day, foolishly feeling like she was going to cry again.
Tate was there, smiling softly, watching Aelin throw herself into Silva’s arms before returning to her drawing, a look of intense concentration on her face.
“How did it go?” Silva asked, unable to keep the tension from her voice. “Did-did you have any problems? You didn’t get lost, right? Did she settle down for you this afternoon?”
“Oh, well, I got lost coming in, but I was able to hitch a ride on the back of a farm truck, so long as I didn’t mind sitting with the chickens. I didn’t like the look of the classroom aide, so we set the school on fire. She’s been eating nothing but sweets since we got home, and sheisn’tplanning on brushing her teeth.” He rolled his eyes as Silva glared. “The school is two and a half minutes away, Silva. We managed just fine. And she’s been as good as gold.”
He already had dinner ready for her that night, hot on the stove, declining her invitation to stay. She twisted when he didso. Shewantedhim to stay. She wanted him to leave. She didn’t know what she wanted.
“You look like you’re eager to see the back of me, dove. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
He had been, and once more, he’d left almost immediately after her arrival home, accepting Aelin’s fierce hug, promising he’d see her the following day. When the next day came, he’d promised she’d see him next week when she went back to school, kissing her forehead, barely giving Silva a backward glance as he left. Aelin had gone to sit in her little lace triangle tent with the cat, refusing to come out and snuggle with Silva until much later.
She wasfuriouswith him.
Silva knew she had no one to blame but herself, knew she was being cold, knew that her face clearly showed shewantedhim to leave . . . and she wasincensedthat he couldn’t tell she wanted him to stay. The thoughtful jug of apple cider in her refrigerator had left her irate, as had the basket of folded laundry on the bed. She’d sobbed in the shower after Aelin was asleep, desperately wishing they could go back to where they’d been five years earlier, knowing she hadn’t been happytheneither.
When he texted asking whether she could fit a freezer in her tiny garage, Silva was irritated.Allshe had wanted, five years ago, was for him to text her in the middle of the day, for any reason at all. Now she was back at work, barely keeping her head above water, and he was asking her nonsensical questions.
