I was waiting for my suitcase to arrive and now that it’s here, I don’t want it. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to dress in clothes that make me feel invisible, to bury my nose in a book and forget about my actual life.
No. For the first time, I want to live my own life out loud, in my fun new clothes with my red hair and a man who rocks my world in bed. I know it’s risky to pursue something with Luke, but Steph’s right: my alter ego would take the risk. And I want to be her. I want to be brave enough to try.
I contemplate the suitcase for another second, then zip it back up and stuff it under Henry’s bed. I won’t be needing it after all, because now I know what I want. I want Luke, and tomorrow, I’m going to tell him just how much.
25
Luke’s expression is apprehensive when I arrive the following afternoon. I sent him a text this morning saying that I’d be coming over to finish the centerpieces and I wanted to talk. I deliberately kept it vague, because I want to feel him out. I’m pretty sure we’re on the same wavelength, but I’d rather have this conversation face to face.
I enter his apartment with a smile, going straight to the centerpieces on the table. Setting my bag down, I pull out the ring Alex gave me this morning and place it on the table, so I remember to do it. It’s her wedding band—an heirloom passed down through the Hawkins family, or something. It needs to be resized today because it’s the only opening the jeweler has for six weeks. She was going to take it herself, but I leapt at the chance to take another task off her hands. I guess I felt like it might help assuage some of the guilt I’ve been feeling about what I did with Luke—and what I plan to do again. Because while I’m feeling strangely relaxed about things between Luke and I now, I’m sick with nerves at the thought of doing anything to jeopardize the wedding.
Luke’s eyes land on the ring box. “Is that what you wanted to talk about? You’re proposing?” He emits a self-effacing laugh, shifting his weight.
Oh God, he’s being cute and nervous again. It makes me want to kiss him.
I shake the feeling off, trying to stay focused. “It’s Alex’s ring. I need to take it to the jeweler to be resized today.”
He nods, slipping his hands into his jeans pockets. Then he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and rocks on his heels, watching me like he’s waiting for me to say something more.
“I, um, want to talk about what happened last night. But…” I motion to the unfinished centerpieces on the table. “Can we get all of today’s wedding tasks done first? That way I can relax.”
He lets his breath out slowly. “Okay, yeah. That’s a good idea.”
We settle at the table and get to work, and the tension in my stomach slowly dissipates.See, you’re not a terrible sister. You’re getting these things done for Alex’s wedding because you know that’s what matters most.
As we work in easy silence, occasionally sneaking glances at each other, I realize that Icanhave my cake and eat it too. As long as Luke and I make sure the wedding runs smoothly, the rest of it should be fine. What difference does it make if we’re having sex, as long as nothing interferes with the wedding?
Luke sets the last centerpiece in the box with a grin. “Those look great,” he says, closing the lid, and pride fills my lungs. He lets his gaze slide back to me and opens his mouth to say more, then closes it again. His eyes drop to his hands and he inspects his knuckles. I know he wants to talk and he’s trying not to push me. It makes me want to put him out of his misery.
I glance at the ring box on the table, then check the time on my phone. I still have an hour before the jeweler closes. Plenty of time to clear the air with Luke. Except… how the hell do I ask for this? I’ve never been in this position before.
“So…” I bite my lip. “Last night was fun.”
Luke’s gaze swings back to mine. “It was.”
Silence settles over us. And even though we were just working in complete silence a few moments ago, this feels different. Loaded.
Eventually, Luke exhales, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Look, Harriet… about last night. I know we said we’d only do it once, but I’m just going to come out and say it: I don’t think that helped. At all. If anything, I feel like it’s only made things worse.” He pauses and I nod my agreement. “I know you’re worried about the wedding stuff, and that still needs to come first. But… I’m not sure I’m finished with you yet.”
My lips curl in amusement. “Finishedwith me?”
He shrugs, his dark eyes glittering as they appraise me. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel it too—what we have here.”
“Yeah.” My heart thuds harder. “I don’t think I’m finished with you, either. And I don’t want to stop doing…”
His eyebrows lift. “Doing what?”
“Um…” How do I phrase this? “You.”
A laugh rumbles out of him. “Is that right?”
I nod. Warmth blossoms in my chest at the way his eyes light with affection as they move over me. He stands and walks around the table, taking my hands and tugging me to my feet. When his arms slide around my waist and pull my body against his, I sigh as if the weight of the world has been taken from my shoulders.
He tucks his face into my neck, breathing me in. “Good,” he murmurs against my skin.
I shiver with desire, having him pressed so close to me again. His hands slide into my hair and he draws my lips to his, taking my mouth with hungry strokes of his tongue.
Holy hell. I love that he’s not wasting any time. It’s been less than twenty-four hours since he kissed me but it feels like forever.
