I sigh, pressing my fingers to my eyelids in frustration. “That’s the problem, Steph. I’m not Harriet 2.0, am I? But that’s who I told him I was. He kept going on and on about how I made him feel alive, how he loved my wild side. I don’t have a bloody wild side!”
Steph gives a disgruntled huff. “Bullshit.”
“What?”
“Bullshit. Youdohave a wild side.”
I laugh humorlessly. “Oh that’s right, what did you say? Returning library books after the due date. Somehow I don’t think that’s the kind of outrageous things Luke had in mind.”
“For fuck’s sake, Harriet. Did you evenlistento the story you just told me? You dyed your hair bright red, went on a freaking trapeze and went skinny-dipping. You had your first orgasm with a stranger on a plane, then had a secret affair with him! I’m sorry, but if that’s not outrageous then I don’t know what is.” She folds her arms across her chest, leveling her gaze at me.
And for a moment, I’m speechless. Hearing everything listed out like that certainly does sound, well, wild.
“Okay,” I say at last. “I can see what you’re saying. But…” I shake my head, thinking of my panic attack at the wedding. I didn’t tell Steph that part before, but I think it’s time she knows the full truth. Not just about the wedding—about all of my past. “There’s something you don’t know about me.” My voice shakes, but I continue, regardless. I tell her what I told Luke—about the girls who tormented me at high school, about how I couldn’t hold it together, about what I did to cope with it all. And then I tell her about the wedding. By the time I’m finished I’m in tears again, and Steph hands me a tissue, her face etched with concern.
“Why have you never told me this?”
“I guess…” I blow my nose loudly. “I was worried you might think less of me.”
“Why would I think less of you? Harriet, if anything, that makes me think you’re a badass. You lived through all that shit and came out the other side, stronger. Sounds exactly like Harriet 2.0 to me.”
“No.” I curl into a ball again, feeling exhausted. “She’s fearless and I’m not.”
“No one is fearless. Everyone is afraid of something. And Luke saw that side of you, Harri. He knows you’re not fearless.”
“Maybe,” I mumble. Tears fill my eyes again and I turn my head away so Steph doesn’t see. “I’m going to have a lie-down.” I drag myself to my feet and shuffle out of the living room before Steph can say anything else.
* * *
“Merry Christmas.”I’m woken by Steph sitting on the edge of my bed, thrusting a sheet of paper towards me.
“What?” I wriggle up in bed, rubbing my eyes and taking the paper from her.
“I said, Merry Christmas.”
“It’s not even November yet.”
She grins, her eyes shimmering with mischief. “I know. This is your early Christmas present.”
I glance down at the paper and blink the sleep out of my eyes. When I figure out what I’m holding, I look up at Steph again in shock.
She chuckles. “This might also have to be your Christmas present for next year, and the year after. And maybe your birthday present too.”
“You’ve bought me a ticket to New York,” I say in disbelief.
“Yep. You’re going to tell Luke how you feel.”
“Oh God.” I press my eyes shut in exasperation. “Steph, this isverygenerous, but I really don’t think—”
“This cost me a fortune, Harri. You’re going.”
“Well, what about work?” I huff. “I have a job, you know, and—”
“I know Paula sold, and I know you know. So that excuse isn’t flying either.”
I shove the air from my lungs as I look at the date and time printed on the ticket. It’s tomorrow night. She’s bought me a bloody flight to New York fortomorrow night. This must have cost her a couple thousand at least, and in big, bold text it says it’s non-refundable. She’s a maniac.
“So what am I supposed to do? Just show up on his doorstep and say ‘Hi, Luke! I’m in love with you!’”
