She smiled hesitantly, a mother’s smile for a stubborn child. “Charles was twenty-one when he first came to call on Miriam. She was eighteen, and I, my dear, was only fourteen. I was unnoticeable. He was smitten with her, and I was smitten with him. Fourteen is an impressionable age, you know, and Charles was so very handsome and kind. But they were married the year they met.”
“To everyone’s misfortune,” he said softly, “Everyone’s.” But she shook her head.
“She loved him, Nicky, those first few years of their marriage. They were very happy. And understand this, Nicky. He never stopped loving her, no matter how difficult she was later on. Miriam was wrong about that. Eden men do make exceptional husbands, for they love only once. But Charles wanted a son, and Miriam had only miscarriages, three of them in as many years. This caused a terrible strain. She was frightened to try for the son he wanted, so she began to resent his attentions. I’m afraid fear turned her against Charles. Her love for him didn’t hold up under the strain. But he did love her.”
“You lived here then?”
“Yes. You were conceived here.” She lowered her eyes, even now guilty over betraying her sister. “I was seventeen years old, and I loved Charles. They had a terrible fight that day because she refused to accept him in her bed. By evening he was drunk, and it just…happened, Nicky. I’m not even sure he knew what he was doing, thoughIdid. We both regretted it afterward and vowed that Miriam was never to know. I went home to my parents house, and Charles devoted himself to his wife.” She sighed. “Eventually Miriam might have gotten over her fear of conceiving. They might have been happy again.”
“But I came along?”
“Yes,” she admitted. “When I realized I was going to have a baby, I was hysterical. One fall from grace and I was pregnant. I even thought of killing myself. I couldn’t tell my parents. I made myself sick with worry. Finally, desperate, I visited Silverley to put my dilemma in Charles’ hands. Bless him, he was delighted! I couldn’t quite believe that at first, but he was. I had been thinking only of myself, of being ruined, but Charles thought first of you. It made me see how selfish I was in wanting to get rid of you. Forgive me, Nicky, but I did think that was the way out. I was young and terrified, and girls of good families did not have children out of wedlock.”
He hugged her to him. “Of course, Ellie. I understand.”
“Well,” she went on, “Charles wanted you. He was willing to destroy his marriage to have you. He might have done things differently except for Miriam’s three miscarriages. He wasn’t sure she would ever give him a child. And there I was, three months pregnant.”
“So Miriam was told.” He knew that much.
“She was shocked, of course. She couldn’t believe her own sister would do such a thing. How she hated me from that day on! And she hated Charles, too, never forgiving him. Finally she came to hate you, the only innocent person in the whole mess. She was never the same again, Nicky. Her deepest bitterness was that I’d been able to give Charles the son he wanted. She felt she had failed him, but she blamed him, and me, for interfering before she had a chance to try again. Her bitterness became a monster over the years. Miriam wasn’t always the way she is now. Iamto blame, for I could have stopped Charles the night you were conceived. I could have, but I didn’t.”
“For God’s sake, Ellie, you already said she had stopped loving him by then.”
“I know, but she might have gone back to loving him.” After a long, thoughtful silence, she resumed. “We were sisters, remember. That did count for something. She even forgot her resentment during those long hours when I was in labor, for it was a difficult labor, and she thought I might die. I was able to get her to swear then that she would never publicly disclaim you. I hoped she would love you, but even then I was afraid she wouldn’t. So I made her swear, and she did. But she made me swear that I would never tell you I was your mother. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I’d taken a vow, so I couldn’t. And after your father died, Rebecca warned me to leave it alone.”
“She knew the whole story?”
Eleanor nodded. “I still don’t think I would have told you if Regina hadn’t insisted.”
“My wife is a gem, isn’t she, mother?”
It was the first time he had ever called her that, and Eleanor’s face glowed.
“It took you long enough to realize it,” she said.
“Oh, I always knew she was wonderful. I’ve just been ten kinds of a fool about her. How could I blame you for what you did when it was fear of the bastardy stigma that made me almost lose my beautiful Regina? The stigma ruled me as it ruled you.”
“You will make it up to her?” she asked him urgently.
“I swear it. And you, love, are moving back to Silverley for good.”
“Oh, no Nicky! I mean, well…Lord Barrett and I—”
“Bloody hell, you mean I’m losing you to another man when I’ve only just found you?” he cried, but he was thrilled for her. “Who, may I ask, is Lord Barrett?”
“You know him. He lives near Rebecca, and you’ve met him there many times. And it’s not as if Dicken and I won’t visit here often. After all, my first grandchild lives at Silverley.”
They looked at each other in complete silence for a long time. He was happy for her. She was happy for him. They had come a long, hard way.
Chapter 42
REGGIE crossed the sitting room and opened the door to Nicholas’ bedroom, quietly slipping inside. To the right was the dressing room, the door leading out into the corridor, and next to it was the master bath, a big square room with walls and floor of blue marble and numerous large mirrors. Huge shelves held all kinds of jars and bottles, towels, shaving apparatus, and other of the lord’s necessities. The bath itself was large with cupid spouts for hot and cold water.
Nicholas lay inside, relaxed, eyes closed. Harris was laying out towels and Nicholas’ robe and comfortable slippers. It was only nine o’clock, and Miriam’s guests were still in the house.
“Good evening, Harris,” Reggie greeted him cheerfully. The valet was startled, but he managed to nod and return her greeting. Nicholas gave her a lazy grin.
“Meg has been asking after you, Harris,” Reggie continued innocently as though she intruded on a man’s toilet all the time and wasn’t on a romantic errand at all.
