"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I said in a tone that was barely audible after I puked my guts up. "Hang on," I whimpered. And then I did it again, hurling and coughing and doing my best to turn my back to the unreasonably gorgeous man who was standing with me.
I should have been humiliated, but I had no control. I had less than honorable intentions with Sam, and when he mentioned Jacob, the gag reflex was instant. Call it guilt, call it anxiety… I wasn't even sure what to call it. One minute, I was feeling butterflies in my stomach as I lightly touched Sam's arm, and the next moment, those butterflies hurled themselves out of my body.
"I am so sorry," I said, turning and spitting and not daring to look at him. "That came out of nowhere. I think I need to go to my trailer."
I wasted no time heading toward my trailer. I tripped a little on a branch, and I mumbled things about being sorry again. Sam double checked that I was going to be okay as I went inside, and I assured him that I was. I figured he thought that whole thing was from me drinking, and I was planning on letting him think that. I had not drunk nearly enough to make me sick.What hadmade me sick? Was it the mention of Jacob?I thought about Jacob being back home, and then I thought of the way I had been flirting with Sam. My mind was swimming, and so was everything else. Another wave of nausea hit me, and I coughed because I felt so gagish. My sister was in her bed on the other side of the trailer, and she stirred.
"Hey, did you have fun?"
"Yes, and no. Yes. I did."
She sat up, and I fake smiled at her.
"You okay?" she asked, blinking at me since it was dark in there.
"Yeah, I am."
"Were you drinking?"
"Not-not really."
She sat up even straighter. I rarely drank at all. Usually, during social situations, I had some sort of responsibility, and I just made it a policy not to have a drink in my hand.
I was still reeling, so I came out and said, "I barfed just now."
"Where?" Amelia asked.
"On the way over here from where we parked, back by those trees."
"You got sick from drinking?" she asked.
"I really don't think so. It might've been food," I said, sitting on the edge of my bed and staring into space.
Slowly and absentmindedly, I began to take off my shoes and get changed. I went to the tiny restroom to wash my face and run a wet washcloth over my body. The door was open, and the trailer was small enough that I could see my sister looking at me.
"Are you okay?" she said.
I splashed cold water on my face, feeling glad for the distraction so I didn't cry at her question. "I don't know. I think I am. I'm… I'm fine. I'm just having some anxiety right now."
"About what?"
"It's not about anything. I mean, it, it's sort of about everything, but at the same time, it's just that same feeling. I just feel yucky, which sucks because I was good earlier. This has happened to me before, this feeling."
"Is that what made you throw up?" she asked, getting to the edge of her bed and looking nervous.
"I'm fine," I assured her, even though I did not feel fine. I had to remind myself that an hour ago I felt great. "I made a fool of myself with Sam just now. I embarrassed myself, and I’m… I'm pretty sure I don't want to be with Jacob anymore. I'm pretty certain I need to break up with him, but I'm just… "
I hesitated long enough that she interjected. "You're breaking up with Jacob?"
"I don't know. I can't process anything right now because I'm nauseated."
"Did something happen between you and Sam tonight?" she asked, since I had accidentally mentioned it.
"No." I paused but then continued. "But I wanted it to. I was checking him out." I faced away from her and cringed at the memory. I let out a defeated sigh as I stepped out of her view. I was feeling like the worst person in the world. I was a horrible person.
"I make fun of cheaters," I said to her.
"What does that mean?"
