Benjamin tensed. He pressed himself against the bed, so his shamefully soft cock was shoving painfully into the duvet.
“I’m fine,” he insisted. “Keep going.”
Noah pulled at his shoulder. Benji resisted, for real this time, until Noah had to wrestle him onto his back and grab his wrists.
“Hey,” Noah said. “Look at me. Are you enjoying this?”
Benji blinked back tears, avoiding his eyes. “I can enjoy it.”
“Benjamin.” Noah’s voice was soft, but so firm that Benji shuddered. Wanting to get closer. Wanting to escape.
“Are you enjoying this?” Noah repeated.
Benji pulled half-heartedly at his wrists. Noah let him go, grabbing his face instead. Twisting his chin until Benji had no choice but to look at him, to beseen. He’d know now, even if Benji lied. He’d be disappointed either way. It felt like a savage triumph, Noah seeing him for the failure he really was. Like the world was returning to its natural order.
“No,” Benji whispered.
CHAPTER 8
Noah’s erection wilted as he stood back.
He liked pushing Benji’s limits, but heneverwanted to go over them. The idea that Benji would suffer through something Noah was doing to him made him sick to his stomach.
In retrospect, stepping away probably wasn’t the best thing to do. Benji’s eyes went wide and panicked, scrambling up off the bed to follow him.
“Wait,” he croaked, scrubbing tears off his cheeks. “Come on, I can still?—”
Noah cut him off, appalled. “Why didn’t you use your safeword?”
Benji flinched. Guilt churned through Noah’s gut as he noticed a tear Benji had missed. He’d thought Benji’s breath hitching had been the usual kind of crying, the kind where he was ratcheting higher and higher, trusting Noah to catch him. But he’d just been crying out of pain. Noah took him too far, and Benji hadn’tsaidanything. He still wasn’t saying anything, standing there with his shoulders hunched like he expected…what?
Noah took a deep breath and forced his voice to be soft. “Did you think I wouldn’t stop?”
Benji scoffed. “What?No. I knew you would. I just… I didn’t…”
“Didn’t what?” Noah prompted. “What, you need me to think you can take whatever I can throw out? I’m finding your limits for areason, Benjamin. So, I know when tostop. What if I wanted to use a belt, huh? Would you let me?”
Benji’s nose wrinkled. He didn’t even let Noah use a belt to tie his hands. But he shrugged, his gaze downcast.
Noah could feel a headache starting. He rubbed his temple.
“Benjamin,” he started, feeling his voice rise without his consent. “I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do. You being something I use to get off is fun to say in bed, but it’s just play, it’s not REAL. You should have safeworded. Or atleasttold me to ease up. How bad is it?”
He reached for Benji’s backside, only to be swatted away.
“It’s fine,” Benji snapped. “Jesus.”
Noah pushed away thoughts of bruising and soothing balm for the moment. “Has this happened before? Have you wanted to safeword out and not done it?”
Benji scowled. “No!”
Noah scrutinized him. His arms were crossed tight over his chest, hunched over like he wanted to hide his vulnerable body. His cock hung soft and pink and lovely between his legs, still flushed from coming so many times in a row.
He looked… resigned. Angry, but also resigned. Like he should’ve seen this coming. He often looked like that when something bad happened, like he was beating himself up for thinking something good could happen.
Noah couldn’t tell if he was lying. Maybe he was never as good at it as he thought.
“How can I trust you as a partner,” he said, “if you won’t even tell me when I’m making you feel bad?”
