Blonde hair appeared in the doorway. Carson smiled weakly at me as he leaned against the door frame, like he was standing guard.I don’t think I can take this.
“River, baby, are you there?” Her tone was bittersweet.
The words were slow to leave my mouth. “Yes.”
“There is no easy way to say this.” A long pause. “I… I signed the paperwork. We’re doing it tomorrow.”
I couldn’t recall what had happened after that. Maybe I yelled, or maybe I cried. Perhaps I became silent because my body was numb and my mind felt like the world was closing in on me despite Alex and Carson’s comforts.
All I could focus on was my father’s words replaying in my head.
“I’ll always be proud of you, even when you aren’t proud of yourself.”
I believed him.
“I am very sorry for your loss,” said a woman who claimed she used to change my diapers. “Your father was an amazing man and loved you so much.”
I offered her a weak, drained smile. When there is a death, people are quick to offer their condolences. I had heard twenty different variations of “I’m sorry,” and it wasn’t even noon yet. As much as I wanted to thank them, I didn’t have the willpower to fake it anymore.
The lady’s lips curled into a sympathetic grin before she and her husband walked off.
My father’s funeral was sweet and nicely done, at least from the parts I paid attention to. I really tried to stay present, but my mind had other plans. It was so bad that Alex kept his hand in mine to squeeze it whenever I would zone out.
Mom was a mess. She had been holding it together in front of me, but when the ceremony began, she lost it. Carson stepped up and consoled her when I was too bad off myself to do it. He was the most stable of the three of us, though his silence proved he was suffering as well.
Now we were at the reception, where we were supposed to mingle and stuff our faces with food like we didn’t just bury the man who raised me.
I was sitting at a table when my mom, with her sleek black dress, puffed-up hair, and mascara running from crying, approached me. In her hand, she held a plate of mashed potatoes and green beans, which she then put beside me.
Mom licked her lips as she searched for words. “You should eat.”
“Not hungry.” I didn’t bother looking at it, but instead focused on her. “How are you?”
“Getting through it, but I’m more worried about you.”
Taking a napkin off the table, I wiped the running mascara from her cheeks. “I’ll be okay.”
I saw my mom staring, and I followed her gaze to Alex, at the buffet, filling his plate with more food than he could eat. During the worst day of my life, the sight of him was the first thing to make me forget what I was going through.
“Yes, I think he’ll make sure of it.” A glint of admiration shone in her eyes. “He is the kindest boy I’ve ever met.”
Don’t I know it.
Sensing her gaze, I faced her. “What?”
“Your friendship is very special. Even as small boys, you were inseparable. I’m glad you’ve found your way back to each other.” Mom paused. “As… friends.”
Mom wiggled her eyebrows like she knew something more.
Slowly, I said, “Boyfriends.”
A grin spread across her lips, her eyes the most joyful I’d seen in months. “Even better.”
Carson and Alex appeared before us with food, chatting away like friends. They laughed together at the end of their statement.
Mom hummed. “It seems the two of you are getting along.”
Carson wrapped an arm around Alex’s shoulders. “I see why River’s been obsessed with him since they were kids.”
