Alex’s body stiffened. I guess it was obvious where this story was headed.
I swallowed the huge lump in my throat. “I don’t know exactly what started the fire. Maybe it was either the mess of papers scattered throughout my room, the curtains right beside it, or the tangled cords that caught it. All I know is that when we got back, the fire department was outside the house. My parents tried to put it out, but it was spreading too fast and…”
His warm hand pressed against my cheek. “You don’t have to say it.”
“I do,” I stated, fighting hard to stop the tears from falling. Alex gave me the seconds I needed to continue. “Dad had heart problems, and with all the smoking, plus the prolonged smoke inhalation from the fire, he fell into a coma.”
I wasn’t the only one fighting to hold back tears. Alex’s eyes glistened, and tears began escaping his eyes. My heart ached more than it had before seeing him so upset.
“And you think it’s your fault.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. “You can’t blame yourself for that. It was an accident.”
My fingers couldn’t resist running through his hair. “Accident or not, I caused it.”
Alex pulled my face down to meet his, curls falling in his face as he held me like my life depended on it. “Your dad wouldn’t tell you that.”
No, he’d tell me it was a mistake. We all make mistakes. Unfortunately, mine ended in tragedy, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. All I could do was keep going, just like he would.
Alex gave me the strength to keep going when my dad’s words weren’t enough. He always did without even trying. At some point, I started seeking him out when things went to shit because his words were the only ones that got my heart to believe.
The only ones that got me to truly feel that I was okay.
“Remember when we signed up for the school play in sixth grade?” I blurted.
He blinked, jarred by the sudden subject change, but he eventually nodded. “The one and only play we ever participated in.”
“I was so excited for it— I think because it was something I had never done before. I thought I was going to be the next big actor slash basketball star.” My lips tugged into a grin at the thought. “And then I forgot my one big line on the stage. Afterward, I was too afraid to face my parents and our classmates because I thought I’d just proved to everyone that the only thing I was talented at was basketball.”
His nose scrunched, and I could tell he was wondering where I was going with the story, but he smiled solemnly. “I remember.”
“But then you found me pouting on the bench in the hallway, like a baby. You sat down beside me and told me how proud you were that I tried something new, and that everyone else's opinions didn’t mean shit as long as it was you and me. Alex and River. As you comforted me, I wondered why words like that only ever felt meaningful when they came from you, and I never figured it out. But… but now I understand that it was because it was the moment I realized it’s always been you. It was the moment I realized I was in love with you.”
The muscles in his face relaxed into parted lips as he stared at me. With his chest pressed against mine, I could feel the rise in his heartbeat, and it only quickened my own. Admitting that I had always been in love with Alexander Roscoe Pierce, even when there was too much going on for me to understand it, was like letting go of that part of myself that was holding me back from everything—and everyone—I feared I was hurting.
“I’mstillin love with you, Alex,” I whispered, as if raising my voice would make him vanish.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he choked back tears. “I’m in love with you, River.”
Alex’s tears, cold and wet, touched my bare chest as he rested his head there. As afraid as I was to tell Alex the entire story, I felt a sense of relief after I finally did. Though guilt lingered, it was lighter because I wasn’t alone in carrying it.
We fell asleep like that, cuddled in each other’s arms. Alex’s arms were where I spent most of my time lately, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
It was only an hour later when my phone’s loud ringing cut our slumber short. I groggily grabbed the phone, and my heart sank upon seeing the caller’s name.
Alex stirred atop me, and I put the phone on speaker. “Hey, Mom.”
“My star boy,” she greeted softly. “Were you asleep? It’s the middle of the afternoon.”
I yawned. “Power nap.”
“Oh,” she whispered. I could tell from the strain in her voice that something was wrong. “Are you alone?”
“I’m with him, Mrs. Moore,” Alex said, still half-asleep. “It’s Alex.”
“Alex, sweetheart, it’s been so long. I hope to see you soon.”
A subtle smile appeared on Alex’s face. “Me too.”
While they were having their reunion, my heart was beating in my ears. Doom was in the air, and I grew impatient waiting to hear the inevitable from my mother—the one conversation I’d been avoiding for months.
