I let out a sour laugh. “You would think that by now, maybe you would catch the hint.”
“I want to apologize.”
Lifting my head, I met his eyes, the swift movement making me feel oddly lightheaded. “I don’t want to hear it.”
River, now sitting beside me, rolled his lips together as he analyzed me. “Are you okay?”
I rolled my eyes. What a stupid question.
My shoulder evaded River’s hand when he tried to put it there. He frowned, but rested his hands in his lap. Carefully, he asked, “How has your day been?”
Another stupid fucking question. My hands balled into fists by my side as I actively watched River walk on eggshells around me, just like Killian, Anna, and my parents. They all acted as if I were too weak to hear their truth, like it would make me crumble. It was the only explanation for why River was still refusing to tell the truth.
“Let’s start.” I clasped my hands together with a sarcastic grin. “First, I ran into my ex, which wouldn’t have been so terrible if he hadn’t told me everything that he hated about our relationship.”
River fiddled with the hem of his hoodie and kept his eyes on the floor.
“Then I come home to find a mess all over the living room, as you can obviously see. Salem has no respect for anyone and does not care to live in filth. I am so tired of cleaning up after him.” My hands flew in the air in utter disbelief as I complained.
His brows raised. “Salem made this mess?”
“Yeah! I try to come home to cram for the exam I have tomorrow morning, but the place is so trashed that it is distracting.”
River didn’t respond, but his heavy gaze on mine showed he was listening. He just had nothing significant to add.
My foot kicked the bottom cabinet under the countertop accidentally, causing a loud bang. Pain ran through my foot, but the tension in my head was too much for me to focus on it. “Here I am trying to study in a pigsty, and there comes my sister knocking on my door with Millie.”
I shifted my focus to the couch, startled and praying my niece did not hear that. I didn’t know when, but she had put her unicorn headphones on and was playing on her iPad. A small bit of relief washed over me.
His hand rested beside mine, our fingers almost touching. “I’m sorry, Alex. That’s?—”
“And you!” I yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at him.
Taken aback, River stood up and moved a few paces away from the chair. “Me?”
“Do you know how insulting it is for the one person you never forgot about to act like they can’t remember that you exist?”
Guilt filled his beautiful eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“You know I know you’re lying, so what the hell is the point in continuing to do it? Especially when you actively insert yourself into my life and kiss me like you’ve been deprived of doing it for years.” Now stalking toward him, I pushed him in the chest. Not powerfully, but harsh. “I missed you like hell after you cut me off for no reason. Do you know how many scenarios I had to create in my head to rationalize what you did?”
Regret still layered his eyes, but now worry returned. “Maybe you should sit down.”
“Sit down?” I yelled, the out-of-body feeling greater than before. “You don’t even care about me, do you? This is all some insane game to you!”
“It’s never been a game, and Idocare about you. More than most people, Alex.” River tried to reach his hand out in comfort, but I swatted it away. His wide eyes were scanning me now, every part of me. “Do you feel okay?”
“I am over the moon,” I said, my tone dripping with sarcasm. “Whatever. You can go harass all your other friends and leave me alone. My life was going okay before you…”
My words got lost in my mouth. What was I trying to say?
Tension in my head, sweaty palms, not feeling real… fuck. How had I missed it before? All the signs were glaring at me, yet I couldn’t recognize them before it happened.
Or maybe I just didn’t want to.
The room tilted sideways as I fell to the floor. River darted toward me, but I was unsure if he had made it before my head collided against the tile.
I had no control over my body anymore—it wasn’t mine.
