I never had any strong dislike for Diane at first. Though, as the days went on, my tolerance for her was steadily decreasing. She was sticking her nose in places that it did not belong, and it drove me crazy. Maybe my slight dislike for her was why I wanted to puke in my mouth every time I had to see her and Javier together.
***
"—and then he screamed at me to leave because apparently kissing a guy and then telling him that you fucked his best friend isn't the best way to secure a new relationship."
It was a few days later. I yawned out of boredom as I attempted to listen to my classmate, Gertrude, ramble about the past few days of her life.
My AP Government teacher had just changed the seating arrangements, and I got stuck next to the certified yapper of our class. Gertrude made me dread going to the class each day because apparently she had never shut her mouth a day in her life. Every day, without fail, she would talk my ear off. Then, she would take my silence as confirmation that she could continue with her stupid stories.
So, Gertrude was currently doing what she did best: rambling about stupid shit. Our teacher had finished lecturing, so she gave us the rest of the class period to do her assigned work. I had finished most of it, but I could not get through the rest because of Gertrude's talking.
In the past I had both kindly and not so kindly asked her to hush. She wasn’t easily offended, so me snapping at her never deterred her from talking to me. She continued because me being pissed off had no real effect on her. Even when it did, she got over it quickly.
I yawned again, my mind wandering elsewhere. Literally anything was better than this conversation.
"—and then he said that you were gay." When she finished her sentence, she had to take a sip from her water bottle. Her mouth was dry from the storytelling.
My heart sank and my eyes widened. Gertrude stared at me intently as I struggled to find the proper words to say.
"Who said I'm gay?" I asked defensively.
Gertrude leaned back in her chair and giggled. "I know, I just wanted to gain your attention since you aren’t listening to me."
Damn, she nearly gave me a heart attack. I had never felt the need to hide my sexuality, but I was not overtly open about it either.
There were close-minded people that lived in town who would become disgusted the second the found out someone they knew was not straight. I did not go around broadcasting it because I did not feel like dealing with the difficulties that came along with people like that knowing.
Though, the main reason I kept it to myself out of fear of my siblings’ reactions. Should I have worried what they thought? Not at all, but that did not stop me from caring.
Gertrude normally didn’t mind that I wasn’t fully listening to her stories. Maybe I was doing a worse job at pretending to care than I normally did. It did not matter because now I was pissed that Gertrude had startled me like that. I didn’t care about the words that were coming out of my mouth.
"Sorry," I apologized half-heartedly. "You talk so damn much it’s hard to care.”
Gertrude’s face didn’t falter at all, she just shrugged.
After the words simmered in the air I began to feel a heavy weight in my chest. I felt bad for my harsh words even though they were completely true. I despised that feeling, because going through life was so much easier when you weren’t worried about other people's emotions.
Curse empathy and feeling guiltily.
My nostrils flared as I exhaled. Softly, I said, “Sorry, I’ve been snappy all day."
Gerturde’s eyes light up. "I totally get it, Eli. Don’t worry."
Her understanding made me smile. It also got me thinking, maybe if I took the time to listen to her, I could find out she was a decent person.
Constantly having to deal with people who want nothing to do with you takes a toll on a person. It made me feel like there was no one that could possibly like me for me, so I shut every new person out. It was a lonely feeling. However, part of my problem was that I wasn’t open to giving people a chance. At the end of the day, not everyone was out to get me.
"Besides," Gertrude continued as she scooted her chair closer to the desk, "I know you aren't gay. That would be weird and… gross.”
My lips parted in surprise. Well, damn.
Before I could respond, the intercom turned on inside of our classroom. It was our principal over the mic, and she called asking for me to come to her office. The class immediately went‘ooo’ in unison like we were a bunch of first graders. We all knew thatIof all people were not being called because I did something wrong.
Without a second thought, I stood up and left the classroom. I was trying to figure out what the principal could possibly want from me. I had already been disciplined for leaving school in the middle of the day—the day I lost the election. So, that was not it. Could it be because of Emerson or Easton? Did one of them say or do something, so now I had to be the one to fix the situation?
I rounded the corner and saw the office up ahead. Opening the door, I found our school principal sitting at her desk, her elbows resting on the table with her hands clasped together. I internally groaned when I recognized the person sitting in the chair in front of the principal's desk.
Javier and I locked eyes the moment I entered the room. He didn't smile or frown at me, he just stared. I was the one to break eye contact. How was it that wherever I went, Javier was there too?
