“Books don’t judge me. It’s okay to be invisible or to not be important enough to matter to anyone else, because books will always be there. It’s okay to not be loved in the real world when I can escape to thousands of beautifully brutal love stories. Books quite the chaos. They’re the only safe place to feel every emotion they inflict. So why not books? The books see me and let me be unapologetically myself. Why would I want to be anywhere else?”
I didn’t glance up at him. I didn’t want to see the judgement in his eyes, so I kept my face buried in the book. His silence made it pretty clear he was shocked by my response.
“Well, if you’re going to stalk me, very badly might I add, the least you could do is let me take you out on a date.”
Did I just hear him correctly? I peek over the top of the book looking to see if he’s joking, but he looks serious. I play it off like my heart isn’t beating out of my chest at the possibility that he may be interested in me the same way.
“Not interested.” I didn’t fucking want his pitty, and I didn’t need it either. I can survive without it. I’ll be better off if we don’t pretend that this could ever be more than what it currently is.
“Hmm. So you’re not interested enough to go on a date with me, yet you’ve been stalking me for weeks?”
“What’s your point, Atlas?”
“Ah, someone has done a little research, because I don’t remember ever telling you my name.”
I duck back behind the book, trying to hide my reaction to this frustrating man. “I would be a shitty stalker if I didn’t know your name, still doesn’t mean I’m interested.”
“It either means I intrigue you or you are plotting to kill me,” He uses his index finger to pull the book away from my face, waiting until I make eye contact before he asks, “Which is it?”
I shoot him a cheeky smile, “You figured it out, I’m secretly plotting your demise. Took you long enough.”
He simply raises an eyebrow at me, not even humoring me with a response to that. “Fine, I’ll go on one date with you, but I’m not going to enjoy it,” I pull a pen from my bag, then grab his arm and scribble my phone number on the inside of his wrist. “Text me, I might even answer.” I don’t stay for a response.
Atlas
This woman was as frustrating as she was persistent. I felt her eyes on me the moment I entered Pages. I always do. No one else in this entire world makes me feel the way she does. Now that I know she’s my stalker, she’s usually easy to spot. I don’t always find her, but that’s only because I don’t try to. I let her think she’s winning this game we’re playing. I worry that if she thinks she’s losing, she’ll grow bored and move on. I can’t let that happen. It took everything in me not to push her against the book shelves and kiss her. She still reacts to me the same way she used to. I thought the shelf was going to crack under my grip. I didn’t want to push her too hard and scare her away before I even got her back.
I finally asked her about her book obsession and her answer floored me. I didn’t think her answer would’ve been so meaningful. My heart broke for her. The fact people in her life had made her feel that way makes my blood boil. The fact I was one of those people makes me want to put my fist through a damn wall.
My guilt eats at me a little more as the weight of what I did, how I treated her, really sinks in. I know I fucked up, but I didn’t realize how badly until now. I don’t deserve her, but I’m too selfish not to try to get her back.
I asked her to go out on a date with me. I thought she’d jump at the offer, but I should’ve known better. She made me work for it. She stalks me but still doesn’t make it easy on me. She’s going to be a handful and a pain in my ass, but she’s worth everything she puts me through.
I want her back any way I can get her. Even if she never remembers me, I want her in my life. I’ll do everything I can to earn her love again, but I hope Maizyn comes back to me in the process. I know her real name is Emily, but she’ll always be Maizyn to me.
There’s a reason she told me that name, and I might not know what that reason was, but coming from her, I know it was a good one. She wouldn’t do something like that for no reason. Maybe one day, if she ever remembers, she might tell me why. She’ll always be my Chaos, no matter what name she goes by. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.
Chapter 10
Emily
I stayed up late last night waiting for a text that never came. It’s not like I expected him to text me, I figured he’s just inflating his own ego to see if I’d actually agree, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t hope he would. Hope was dangerous though, it left too much space to be disappointed. I get dressed and drag myself into work. Sadly, I can’t quit my job and become a full-time stalker. It doesn’t pay the bills. I wish it did, but I’m not dumb enough to think I’d make a good private investigator, so a job as a barista will have to do.
I get to work just in time to open the door for customers. I hope I don’t look as tired as I feel. The good thing about working here is, I can get a blueberry muffin and a coffee while I work. It has its perks. I go through the routine of taking orders and making coffee. It’s a pretty slow shift, so it’s just me right now, Brooke will get here around two o’clock. I don’t mind working by myself. It keeps me moving, even on a slower shift. The multitasking keeps my mind off the text I never got.He still lingers in my mind, but it’s not as heavy when my mind and body stay busy. I don’t think there’s anything that could make me not think about him completely.
The first few hours of my shift go by in a blur. It’s already noon when I look at the time on my phone and see a text from an unknown number on my screen. My palms get sweaty and I grip the phone a little tighter so I don’t drop it. This has to be a text from Atlas, right? It’d be too coincidental to be anyone else. I click on the notification and open the text thread. My heart pounds in my ears as I read the simple message on the screen.
Unknown
I believe you promised me a date.
What do I even say back to that? There’s no way he was being serious. Before I have time to type back a reply, a throat clears in front of me. The older man looks mad that I have all my attention on my phone. Can’t say I blame him though. I was so focused on my mini panic, I didn’t even hear him come in. Shit, right, I was currently at work and should probably do my job instead of trying to figure out how to respond to Atlas. I could text him back later.
“So sorry sir, what can I get for you today?”
“Just a black coffee and one of those apple turnovers.”
I put a to-go cup under the spout, flipping the tap so it’ll pour while I grab an apple turnover and bag it up. I hand the man the bag and turn back around just in time to turn off the coffee tap to stop the coffee from overflowing. I pop a lid on it and hand it over. “Here you go.That’ll be $4.38 sir, and again so sorry for the wait.” He hands me a five dollar bill and tells me to keep the change.That’s so kind of him to leave me a sixty cent tip.I force a fake smile to stop me from rolling my eyes at this man.
