“Well I’m happy I could make work fun for you. I appreciate you doing this. I didn’t really have another option. I’m not sure what I would have done if you told me no.”
I take my phone out again, making sure I take detailed notes of the road names and what turns we take. It might be useful to know what route he takes home, just in case I ever need it. I really hope he’s going home. I’d hate to be following him to his actual girlfriend’s house, if he has one.
Shit. I didn’t even consider that being an option.
He could be married or something, and I was stalking him without a second thought about it. Would I stop if he was? I’m not proud to say it, but probably not. The fixation on him runs too deep for that to be possible. I’m truly fucked when it comes to this man. I always thought I may be slightly crazy, I never thought I could be psychotic. I guess you learn something new about yourself every day.
If I ever did see a therapist, they would have a field day trying to fix all of my issues. I didn’t even understand all of my issues. I lean forward to crank up the radio. I don’t really feel like talking anymore. Katie shoots me a glance, not saying anything. She must notice I’m lost to the thoughts swirling in my head.
Atlas hits his breaks and pulls into a drive way. We slow to a stop a few houses away not to draw too much attention to ourselves. Looking around, I take note of anything that may be important for later, but nothing really stands out. I type the address into my notes but everything else looks normal. It’s a cozy little neighborhood that looks like every other one in this tiny town. I don’t see any other cars here, so hopefully that means he lives alone.
I watch him type in a code to get into the front door. I should’ve expected the guy who runs a security company to have a system installed on his own home.
I can already spot one camera from here, so there were probably several others. It would be naive to think he doesn’t have a fancy doorbell that has a camera on it.
That eliminates any chance of me getting out of this car for a closer look. Going anywhere near his house would likely get me caught on camera. If he has cameras, then it’d be unlikely I would be able to get inside without tripping an alarm.
I’m about to ask Katie if she can bring me back to the bus stop when a familiar car drives past, pulling into the same exact driveway Atlas is parked in. It only takes me a few seconds before the clues click together, and I pinpoint who that car belongs to. That’s the car Gavin was driving earlier. Do they live together? Is he just stopping by?
Holy shit! What if they’re together?
This could complicate everything. I watch as Gavin exits the car and goes around the side of the house, entering a code to unlock the back gate. Now I’m really confused. I need more answers and I don’t think I’ll get them today. I sigh in defeat and turn my attention to Katie, who’s already watching me. She’s probably trying to gauge my reaction, but I refuse to give her one. She seemed like a nice person, but I didn’t trust her enough to let her watch me lose control.
“Can you please just take me back to the bus stop. I think I have done enough recon for the day. I appreciate your time.”
“Yeah, no problem. Are you sure you don’t want me to take you home?”
“No, it’s fine. I prefer to walk home. It’ll give me time to clear my head and sort my thoughts.”
“Okay, really sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for.”
I nod my head, not saying anything else as I turn to look out the window. The drive back is short. It feels a lot shorter than the drive to where Atlas lives. I know that’s not really possible, but it’s probably due to the fact I’m trapped with my thoughts again. I open the car door as soon as she shifts into park. Before I’m able to shut the door, she stops me.
“Hey. Before you go, I wanted to give you my phone number. Just in case you ever need someone to help you with another situation like this one. I’ll always be down to help a girl out.”
I quietly handed her my phone. She put her number in my contacts, texting herself before handing it back. Taking the phone back from her, I turn and walk away. It’s been a long day and I know I barely scratch the surface on figuring that man out. I’m in way over my head, but there’s no way I can give up now. I knew Atlas and Gavin were close, but how close are they?
Am I barking up the wrong tree and wasting my time?
Do I care either way?
Chapter 7
Emily
I questioned my sanity a little more each day. If I wasn’t working or at the book shop, then I magically appeared wherever he was. I never thought about it anymore; it was subconscious at this point. Thoughts of him invaded my every waking moment. If i didn’t have eyes on him, then he was on my mind. It felt more like compulsion than a choice. My feet always carried me to him without even trying. It felt as if my soul was tethered to his, and the rope attached between us would pull me towards him against my will.
I’m not saying I didn’t want to watch him and learn everything there was to learn, just I no longer had the choice to stop even if I wanted to. My obsession with this man was starting to control my life and I did absolutely nothing to attempt to stop it. This obsession with him has become a living, breathing thing, and I fucking bowed to it like it was my master. What does that say about me?
What does it mean for me to be this obsessed with a man I only met once? Simply for the fact it felt like he looked at me and really saw me, instead of looking through me like everyone else always does. Am I really that broken? I know this isn’t healthy but, this is the least fractured my mind has felt in years. Maybe it’s the opposite though. Maybe Iamtoo far gone.
If the voice that’s always screaming at me to be heard finally took over, then I truly am losing it. I’ve spent years trying to keep it locked away. I pushed it down over and over again because I was told she wanted too much. Every time she has ever been allowed to lead, we’ve ended up broken. Every time someone said we were too much, we fractured a little more.
I’m so tired of being invisible, of making myself smaller to be accepted. Maybe a psychotic break is what I need to pick up all the scattered pieces and stitch them back together. What if that voice was right all along?
The further my obsession pulls me, the harder it becomes to ditch Trevor. It doesn’t matter how many times I brush him off, he keeps showing back up. He’s persistent, sure and yes, I know I’m supposed to be his girlfriend, but he’s not Atlas. Trevor is nice and cares a lot about me. He says he loves me, but he doesn’t make me feel anything close to what I’ve felt in the few seconds I had with Atlas. Trevor also refuses to talk about my missing memories. He says it’s for my safety and he’s just doing what he thinks is best for me, but I know he’s keeping secrets. I wish he’d take the hint and just leave me alone.
The more time I spend sneaking off to be with Atlas, the more Trevor seems to show up and push boundaries I’ve tried to put in place. Henever fucking listens. He keeps brushing everything I say aside like nothing I say matters. He makes me feel like I don’t matter. Every time I ask about the events that led me to being in the hospital, or why I can’t remember things, it gets worse. He’s resorted to ignoring me completely when I bring it up. He’ll ignore me like I’m a ghost, or like I don’t exist until it benefits him.
