I sink into the driver’s seat with a big sigh and attempt to start the car. It’s a hassle for sure. It’s like I’m looking through a pair of beer goggles.
Thankfully, this car was push-to-start, or I wouldn’t be leaving this parking lot.
Driving probably isn’t the best idea, but why would I care?
It’s not like anyone cares about me. Hell… I’m not really sure if I even care about myself.
Peeling away from the bar, I start heading away from town. The further away from him I get, the less likely I’ll be tempted to contact him again. It’s time to break the cycle.
Atlas will never change and it seems like neither will I. This is the only way forward that my drunken brain can think of.
I get a few miles up the road when I remember about the tracker on my phone. If I keep it he will know where I’m at. Without hesitating for a second longer, I retrieve my phone from my back pocket and launch it out the window.
The crunch of it breaking when it hits the ground is pretty satisfying.
Damn, I’m going to miss my phone.
No social media is going to suck, but cold turkey is the only way to make sure we’ll stay out of each other’s lives. Eventually I’ll need to get a burner phone or something. The kind that’s hard to trace. If he wants me back, I’m going to make it as hard as possible on him. I refuse to run back to him this time.
Atlas doesn’t always get to win.
My vision continues to get worse the further I drive.
How much did I drink again?
There were too many road lines in front of me to tell which lane was the correct one anymore. Suddenly, the road gets very bumpy, and the car skids to a stop when I hit the bottom of a ditch.
Oops, maybe I amtoodrunk to be driving.
Laughing, I unbuckle my seatbelt and maneuver myself out of the car. Not sure if it’s because I’m drunk, but my body feels fine. Nothing hurts as far as I can tell.
The damage to the car doesn’t look bad from what I can see, but what do I know? I’m too drunk to even stay on the road. I already forgot that amazing plan I had back at the bar, but it was too late to turn around now.
I’m so fucking stupid.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why can’t I have normal reactions just once in my life?
You know, talking would’ve been the normal way to deal with this, but I decided I was going to run away!
Fuck it.
He was right, all I do is mess shit up. I will get far away from here one way or another. He has a life, and I don’t fit into it. I never did.
He didn’t want me. He didn’tNEED me.
I won’t apologize this time for being who I am.
I was too much for him and I refuse to let anyone clip my wings ever again.
No amount of love was worth diminishing what little light I kept trapped inside my ribs. If they can’t handle me at my worst, I refuse to water myself down to be loved. I choose me this time.
If someone else won’t pick me, I’ll pick myself.
Standing here doing nothing isn’t going to get me anywhere. I start to walk, not certain if it’s the right direction, but I stopped caring.
I walk for about forty-five minutes until I arrive at a little corner store. I have no clue where I was at this point, but I couldn’t walk much further.
