“As a leader, fear will only get you so far, and for so long. Never, in the long history of humanity, has tyranny not ended in revolt. The Overseer would destroy our books and burn our past to hide it, but the outcome is always the same.Always, Tess. Some wars lasted days, some centuries. Some spanned regions, others spanned worlds. There is an ebb and flow. Even if we win this day, for our lifetime and maybe beyond, tyranny will rise again. And then revolt. There will always be those who impose. And there will always be those who would die for the right to self-determination.”
“It sounds hopeless,” I said. “An endless cycle.”
“A cycle in the long span of things, but you are alive now, and this is your time to influence events and outcomes.”
The pressure suddenly felt heavy on my shoulders, and I hadn’t even done anything yet.
“Respect is the key to leadership. You’ve shown it to others, and the inevitable reward is that you’ve gained it for yourself.” Mareeka leveled her piercing blue eyes on me. “The day you decide to lift your voice, do not be surprised when people listen.”
I almost physically recoiled at her implications, somehow mixing in an image of my father spewing his totalitarian crap onto screens across the galaxy. That would never be me, but when I spoke up publicly—ifI spoke up—not everyone out there would agree with whatIsaid, either. I would never expect that.
And part of me felt like I was just out of school, just out of Starway 8 and still muddling my way through the start of adulthood, even though eight years had passed. I didn’t want that kind of responsibility. I had it on my own ship, and that was enough. Simply not getting caught or killed was a good day for me, for any rebel space rat. That same part of me wanted to pass off the serum. To get rid of the stuff and make it somebody else’s decision.
“My fight is here,” Mareeka said. “I might not take up arms myself, but don’t think for a second I don’t know how many of the children I raise end up in ournot-war.” Her expression didn’t sadden at that, for those lost, or maybe lost, like Gabe. She looked like a general, her eyes on the future, her conviction strong. “My part is to show the difference, to demonstrate that the Overseer’s way is not, in fact, the only path. Every child who comes through here can then choose what to do with that.”
Mareeka was laying things out more plainly than she ever had before, at least in my presence. She wasn’t telling me what to do, but she was letting me know that now was the time to step up my game if I wanted to.
“How has this place not gotten destroyed?” I asked. Not every kid reached their majority and went straight out in search of a rebel crew to join, but plenty of them did. And those who didn’t… Well, they lived out their constricted lives, but they didn’t betray the spirit of this place. Often, I wondered how that was possible, what kind of magic protected Starway 8 beyond loyalty, because even that sometimes wasn’t enough.
Mareeka’s mouth curved with a subtle smile. “Ask me that again someday. Right now, I fear the answer would betray a trust.”
That was cryptic—and not at all what I’d expected. I’d expected her to roll her eyes and jokingly say,The Sky Mother, of course, because we both knew what that was worth. Now, I was dying to know what she was talking about, but I knew better than to push.
“Take this,” she suddenly said, going over to a key-coded cabinet. She opened it and pulled out a Grayhawk handgun and ammunition clip. “Long story short, it was left here, and I don’t want it on the premises.”
I took the gun from her and locked in the ammo clip, making sure the safety was on before slipping it under my shirt and into the wide elastic waistband of my borrowed scrubs. The weapon felt cold against the small of my back.
“I’m worth two hundred million in universal currency because of the enhancer I took.”
Mareeka paled, her eyes widening. It was no wonder; you could buy a small city on a decent rock for that.
“If anyone comes here looking for me, tell them I came to say goodbye.” I thought about Shade Ganavan, money symbols lighting up his mercenary eyeballs. “You can tell them I blew myself up with the stolen goods right outside your window. I’m now one with the nebula.” I glanced at the colors outside. That was exactly where I wanted to be when I died.
“You saw the whole thing,” I added. “Saddest day of your life.”
Mareeka’s expression soured. “It certainly was.”
I gave her a hug goodbye, refusing to acknowledge that it could be our last. Every departure was the same; we could only hope for a reunion.
“Stay safe.” She hugged me back. “No sign of Gabe?” she asked, drawing away enough to look at me again.
It suddenly struck me as odd that everyone would still think I was pining for Gabe. Of course I cared what had happened to him, but it had been years…
I shook my head. “You, either, Surral said.”
Mareeka smiled vaguely, seeming sad—mostly for me. “You two… When I think back.”
We’d been in love. There was no doubt. My heart still sometimes gave a hard thump when I thought about him. Every now and then, I felt a phantom touch, a memory, and my belly clenched.
Unfortunately, that belly clench had shifted to Shade over the last week, but it was tainted now, a cramp more than a thing of warmth.
Chapter 26
I was four levels fromtheEndeavor’s dock when I heard the firearm cock behind me. My steps slowed at the distinctive sound. Cautiously, I turned.
“I knew you’d come.” Nathaniel Bridgebane’s words came at me down the barrel of a gun.
My pulse jumped hard. My uncle stood not thirty feet from me. He’d always been tall and handsome, and he’d aged remarkably well. Too bad inside was so much uglier than outside. I remembered when the two parts of him had still matched.
