I glance at the hovel. No light shines from within. “I don’t think so. That seemed pretty final.”And awful.
Griffin drops his hand, and I feel the loss of his warmth like some vital part of me being torn away, missing it instantly. Or maybe I’ve gone cold because I know what’s coming next.
Swallowing, I turn to him, and Griffin’s hard stare hits me like a ton of marble.
“Then it’s time to fill in the missing pieces. Harbinger.”
CHAPTER 15
MY STOMACH TAKES A SICKENING DIVE. GRIFFIN’Sshadowed features turn rock-hard when I just stare at him, mute. But my silence isn’t belligerence anymore. It’s dread overpowering speech.
His eyes glint ominously. “You asked for time, and I let things go. Right or wrong, I can’t do that anymore.”
My first instinct is to lie, but I can’t do that to Griffin again. To us. He’d find out, and he might never trust me again. He might not forgive, and that’s not a life I want.
“It’s a long story.” I glance toward our abandoned camp. “We should sit.” Kato could probably use a rest, and right now, even I want the comfort of the fire.
Nodding, Griffin herds everyone away from the wizard’s house. Carver throws more wood on the fire in the God Bolt pit, and then Flynn gets down low to blow on the dying embers. When a small blaze is dancing again, lighting our pocket of the night, we settle in a circle, pulling our new cloaks around us.
At my side, Griffin looks at me, expectant. He wants answers. I can’t blame him.
“I…” The words stick, and I clear my throat, trying again. “I was here before.”
“For Poseidon’s Oracle, in the Frozen Lake,” Griffin prompts when I don’t go on.
I nod. “The magic I was born with was the occasional flash of foresight, the ability to detect lies, and through them, to learn the truth, and a powerful predisposition for compulsion, which I refused to hone. I learned to fight with my body and my knives, to defend myself and survive. My brothers…” I flinch a little.
“Ajax just needed to live. He was already on top just by right of birth, Beta to Mother’s Alpha. Thaddeus was the ambitious one. He murdered Ajax, and he tried to kill me.” Just thinking about Thaddeus makes me relive his magic all over again, his searing power locked deep in my muscle memory. I force the phantom pain away. “He would have killed me when I was just a little girl, but Thanos always got there in time. Thanos or Eleni.” Saying my sister’s name out loud is like getting kicked in the chest. For a moment, I can’t breathe.
“Thanos?” Griffin asks.
“My guard. My only friend besides Eleni.” A not-so-gentle giant of a man, Thanos taught me to fight. And win. “It was always Thaddeus or me, just like with Otis when he came after us. So I…killed him.”
Thaddeus tortured me—repeatedly—and yet my unalterable act is still like an open wound. I flex my fingers in my lap, for once trying to get rid of the feel of a knife in my hand instead of wanting the cool comfort of the metal there.
“I surprised him one night when he attacked me. Fire needles. A piercing, deep burn,” I explain. “He let up to gather more power, and instead of just kicking and screaming until Thanos got there, I stuck a dagger in his throat. He bled all over me.” I swallow with an audible click. “I can still feel his blood.”
Griffin’s brow creases. “That’s self-defense.”
“We were children,” I say, a tremor in my voice. “He might have changed, but I chose to end his life.”
“Do you regret killing Otis?” Griffin asks.
“Never.” The very idea is laughable. “I was protecting you. Avenging Eleni.”
He looks at me long and hard. “You’ll protect us without a second’s hesitation and without regret, but you can’t justify protecting yourself?”
I glance away, not answering. I don’t like where that question is leading. It hits too close to our earlier argument.
“Thaddeus targeted me after Ajax was gone because he could never get the jump on Eleni. She was too fast and smart. And she could make these flaming birds… They’d swoop, and peck, and claw, and burn. Along with her natural goodness, they made her my ray of light and righteous fury. She protected us from Thaddeus—the younger ones and me. She even protected Otis, which makes his betrayal even worse.” My breath hitches. “Fisans loved her. I loved her.”
When I look at Griffin again, it’s through a sheen of tears. “She was like you. She would have changed everything.”
He reaches over and squeezes my knee, encouraging me. To my relief, he doesn’t pressure me about the question I evaded.
“Eleni and I grew up, got stronger. She could fill the sky with fiery birds, and I could put a knife into just about anything. We ran away. Constantly. Sometimes along the coast. Sometimes straight west or south. Mother’s soldiers always found us and dragged us back, but not before we’d snuck through villages, handing over coins and jewels.” I look down, blinking rapidly. “Just like in Sinta, the royal tax collectors always took too much, leaving too many people with little, or nothing at all.” And I abandoned them. I lost Eleni, and then Fisa lost us both.
Growing up, Eleni and Thanos were my true kin, blood related or not. Then I had Selena and my friends at the circus. And now these men.
