A guilty heat crept up my neck, and I rubbed at it.“I’ve been… busy.”
“Busy.Right.”
“Mom, come on.”I sighed and glanced toward the living room, at the old floral couch and the crooked pictures on the wall from when I was in kindergarten and second grade.“I’m not here to fight.”
She stared at me for a moment, walked toward the table in the hall, snatched up her cigarettes and plucked one out.She popped the cigarette into her mouth and lit it.She took a long drag.“So why are you here, Wyatt?”
“I’m trying to figure some shit out.”
She snorted.“And you thought you could do that here?”
“Rose is pregnant.”
The admission hung between us, heavier than the familiar cloud of smoke that always drifted through this house.Saying it out loud made it real in a way that nothing else had.
“What?”
“Surprise.You’re going to be a grandma.”
She stared at me for what felt like an eternity, her mouth opening and closing, but nothing coming out.Tears welled in her eyes, and I nearly fell over with shock.
“You’re going to be such a good father.”
She pulled me into her arms, like she did before our life imploded and showing affection wasn’t acceptable anymore.And I became a child, sinking into her embrace, allowing her to hold me.I pressed my cheek to her shoulder, not caring if she felt the dampness there.
“We broke up,” I admitted.Technically, we did, and after everything, I had no idea where we actually stood.It didn’t matter.We had broken up.And it was the reason I had to come back here.
“What?”Mom shoved me back, shock completely engulfing her aged features.“You broke up?You just told me she’s pregnant.”
“It’s complicated.”I had no idea where we stood.We broke up, but then we slept together.I thought we were going to get back together, then the baby bombshell dropped, and I had no idea what the hell to think now.
Mom let out a humorless laugh.“Complicated?Jesus, Wyatt, give me a fucking break.Everything between you and that woman has sounded like a goddamn fairy tale, and now you’re telling me you left her after she got pregnant?I always thought you were better than your father.”
I shook my head.“I didn’t leave her.She left me.”
“What the hell did you do?”
“Why do you think it was me?”
“It’s always the man.”
I rolled my eyes.Her hatred for my father had made her hate all men.Sometimes it even felt like she hated me.
“She wanted to get married.”
“Okay, what’s the problem?You love her, don’t you?”
“More than anything in this world.”The confession scraped on the way out.It felt almost too big for this room, too fragile for this air that was so thick with smoke.
Mom leaned back in her chair, exhaling a slow stream of gray toward the ceiling.“So marry her.”
My jaw tightened.I stared at the scarred wood molding, tracing a crack with my thumb, remembering the thud of Dad’s fist against the grain as he and Mom screamed at each other.“I don’t believe in it.”
She barked out a laugh that sounded part Marge’s sister’s from The Simpsons and part Irish Wolfhound.“That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?”I snapped, looking up at her.“Marriage destroyed this family.”
Her cigarette paused halfway to her lips.Ash trembled at the tip.“Marriage didn’t destroy this family.Your father did.”
