I just wanted marriage.Now I was going to be a mom.Wyatt didn’t want marriage, and he definitely didn’t want a baby.If I told him, he would do the right thing because that was who Wyatt was.But I didn’t want to force him into something he clearly didn’t want.
What if he thought I got pregnant on purpose?He already accused me of manipulating him; this would just reinforce that.I had to tell him.I couldn’t keep that from him, but I needed time.Process things.Let him know I didn’t do this to trap him into a shotgun wedding.
Maybe that time would be exactly what we needed.
Meadow stumbled into her apartment, one bag strap draped over her entire body, the other strap haphazardly falling down her arm.The loud clunk of her elbow hitting the wall knocked me out of my thoughts, and I pushed up from the couch.Everything hurt, but I ignored the pain and grabbed my bags.“As much as I want to stay on your couch and watch bad reality TV, I have to get to work.I have a photoshoot scheduled for our new reserve.”
“Bummer, but my brain thanks you for keeping me away from the rot.”
“Anytime.”I forced a smile.“You sure you don’t mind me crashing here?”
“Not at all.The number of couches I have slept on in my life—it is my honor to extend that same courtesy I was given.I don’t have family.I have a community.And you, my dear, are the best part of it.”
“Right back at you.Well, not the family part; I have more family than I know what to do with.Honestly, you can take some of mine.”We both laughed, and it didn’t hurt as much as I expected, but it still didn’t heal me in the way I had hoped either.“Didn’t you say you had a grandpa?”
“I think I do.Never met the man.According to my mom, he turned to the bottle after my grandma died.He pretty much was drunk from then on out.My mom left, never looked back.Can’t say I blame her.”
“Love really is miserable, isn’t it?”
Meadow wrapped her arm around my shoulder and steered me toward the bathroom.“I sure as hell hope not.Now go fix yourself up.If you don’t want anyone to know about you and Wyatt, you’re going to need to do some serious concealer to hide those puffy eyes.”
“Gee thanks,” I joked.
“Have you spoken to him?Does he know you don’t want the world to know yet?”
I shook my head.My heart ached just thinking about him alone in our home.“No, I’ll text him.”
I glanced at my phone.He had already texted me.Five times.He called too.
Without tapping the screen, I turned the phone over.I was a coward who couldn’t face her own consequences.
“I’m not one to give relationship advice, considering every relationship I have ever been in has been a fucking nightmare, but after eleven years, I think he deserves more than a text.”
She was right.“I’ll stop by his office when I get to the winery.He’s usually there before everyone, anyway.”
***
I stood outside Wyatt’s office, terrified for the first time in my life to just walk through the door.Normally, we would have already seen each other before even getting to work, but once I realized why I was puking my guts up, I panicked.
I grabbed my duffel bag, shoved what I could into it, and snuck out before Wyatt woke up.Maybe I was a coward, but I didn’t know what else to do.Wyatt was who I talked to, and now… I swiped a stray tear away angrily, knowing this was all my fault.
We were happy.So why the hell did I suddenly have this desire to be married?I knew exactly what I was getting into with Wyatt.He never made me false promises, yet no matter how hard I tried, how desperately I attempted to convince myself that I didn’t need a ring or a piece of paper; I only wanted them more.
“You’re going to wear a hole in the floor.”Wyatt’s voice drifted out, and I hated how it wrapped around me like a familiar warm hug.
I inhaled deeply, bracing myself for whatever the hell was about to happen, and stepped into his office.His hair was a disheveled mess, his eyes bloodshot and glossy.My adorable, lovable Wyatt looked like absolute hell.
My fingers twitched to reach across the desk and run my fingers through his hair and fix the slight curl that was always so unruly.An ache landed deep in my gut when I realized I’d lost that privilege when I gave him an ultimatum.
A fresh wave of hurt and guilt flooded through me, but I refused to break in front of him.It wasn’t his fault.He did everything right.I just wanted more.
“Hi,” I said, having no idea how to navigate this.
“Hi.”He didn’t even bother to look up from his computer screen.Not that I deserved his undivided attention.
“I—”A lump formed in my throat, making it impossible to speak.He finally glanced up at me, and I waited for him to crack a joke, to break the awkward silence, but he didn’t; he let us stew in it.I cleared my throat and tried again.“I’m not ready to tell anyone yet.”
His jaw tightened, and he yanked at the collar of his favorite shirt.“So you expect me to put on a happy face and act like nothing is wrong?Lie to your entire family?”
