“You sure you’re okay?”Meadow asked me for the hundredth time, since I asked if I could crash at her place.Everyone else would pry.One person would say something to someone else, and by noon the entire town would be dissecting my love life over coffee and pastries.
I wasn’t ready to answer anything.I wasn’t ready to talk or accept that Wyatt and I were no longer together.
Meadow had become a good friend over the last couple of months after moving to Vine Valley and taking over as bartender at Brady’s distillery, making time for Brady, who was losing his dad to Alzheimer's, to take care of him.
Meadow existed slightly outside the town’s orbit, having only lived there for a short time.She was friendly but not nosy, observant without being invasive.She listened when you needed her too, and when she spoke, her blunt honesty was appreciated.
I forced down the sob that tried to surface.“I’ll be okay,” I said with about as much confidence as a person being sent off to slaughter.
Meadow plopped next to me on the couch.Her wavy brown hair was piled high on her head.Her face was free of makeup, yet she still looked gorgeous.Even in ratty sweatpants and an oversized band t-shirt, she emanated a stylish bohemian-chic vibe.Her personality, her biggest accessory, was as warm and bright as ever.“Even you don’t believe that.”
“No,” I said through a humorless, snotty laugh.“But what’s the saying?Fake it until you make it?”
“That’s for when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing, not when you broke up with a man you’ve been with for a third of your life.”
“But Idon’tknow what the hell I’m doing.”A tear slipped past my resolve, rolling down my cheek and causing a cascade to follow.
“Oh sweetie.”Meadow wrapped her arms around me and pulled me tight.“You sure you don’t want me to call your sisters?I’m happy you came to me, but they’re your sisters.”
“No!”The denial burst out of me like a rocket.“I’m not ready.”
Meadow tightened her hold on me, rubbing slow circles across my back.“We’ll keep it between us.No questions, no lectures, no fixing.Just tea, tissues, and bad reality TV.”
A watery laugh slipped out of me, muffled against her shoulder.“You forgot ice cream.”
“Tea first.Ice cream later.It’s only seven am after all.”She eased back enough to look at me, her brown eyes kind but firm.“You need to cry this out before you drown your feelings.”
“I think I’m already drowning.”My voice broke somewhere between humor and heartbreak.“I keep replaying everything.What I could’ve said differently, when I should’ve walked away, when I should’ve stayed quiet.And then I wonder if I ruined everything for nothing.”
Meadow tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.“You didn’t ruin anything.You were honest.That’s brave, Rose.Hard, but brave.”
“Doesn’t feel brave,” I whispered.“Feels like I ripped my heart out and handed it to him.”
“That’s love, babe.The ugly kind people don’t post about.”
“I thought love was supposed to make you happy?”
“Ha!”Meadow’s laugh echoed through the small space.“Love has only ever made me miserable.”
Her admission cracked something inside me, and before I could stop it, an ugly, body-shaking sob tore through me.Meadow didn’t say anything.She just held me.
When the tears slowed, she handed me a tissue and brushed a thumb beneath my eye.“You can stay as long as you need.We’ll make pancakes in the morning, watch terrible movies, and pretend the world doesn’t exist for a while.”
“Thank you.”
“Always.”She stood and crossed to the kitchen, giving me space.“You want me to grab your bag from the car?”
I nodded, sinking into the couch cushions.My hand instinctively moved to my stomach, palm pressing lightly against the faint ache there.
The test I took this morning, after throwing up for another five minutes straight, sat hidden in my overnight bag: two pink lines changed everything.
I tried to convince myself that something from the night before wasn’t sitting right, but as I stared at my reflection, something in the back of my head told me it wasn’t the food.My period was late.Later than usual.And I had been too busy to notice.
I thought of all the times I’d had wine in the last month.Scared out of my mind I had harmed the baby that was now growing inside me.
What the hell?
A baby.
