“Don’t do what?”
“Try to manipulate me.”
“Do you think that’s what I’m doing?You wanted me to talk.I’m talking.I’m being honest with you.”Her nose crinkled, the wrinkles on the bridge tightening into deep lines.“I thought it might be a phase, so I ignored it, but with each engagement, wedding invitation, bachelorette party, the desire only grows.I want to marry you because you are my person.I want to have babies with you and call you my husband.”
Babies?I couldn’t even focus on that now.My mind was stuck on husband; the word was like acid.It sounded simple, but I knew it as disappointment, regret, sadness, anger, and every other horrible emotion.
“I love youtoo muchto marry you.”My voice shot out, sharper than I meant, but they were the truth that lived under my ribs.My hands landed on my head before flinging toward her.“Why can’t you see that?”
“See what?Help me see!”Moisture gathered in her eyes, and I wanted to take her in my arms, brush them away, but that was no longer the answer.She didn’t want my love.My comfort.She wanted the truth.A truth she already knew but didn’t want to see.
“Marriage ruined my family.I don’t want that to happen to us.Iwon’tlet it happen to us.I can’t promise something I don’t believe in.”
“I can’t keep pretending I don’t want it.”
The ferocity of her words forced me back.“What are you saying?”
Her lip trembled, and a tear fell from her lashes.“We don’t want the same things anymore.”
Silence spread between us, engulfing us in a melancholy I didn’t want to accept.“All I want is you.”
“It’s not enough.Not anymore.”Her shoulders shook, tears poured down her face, but I was frozen in place.Am I about to lose my Rosebud?
Something broke loose in my chest as reality slammed into me.“Are we breaking up?”
Her throat bobbed with a swallow.Instead of answering, she stepped closer, her eyes searching mine like she was trying to find something to grab onto.
“Will you marry me?”
The question slammed into me.
Marry her.
It twisted through me, dragging up memories I’d buried deep.My father’s voice echoing down hallways.My mother crying behind closed doors.Divorce papers on the kitchen table.Love turning into something ugly and unrecognizable.
If I say no, I lose her.
If I say yes… and I become them?
An image of Rose sitting across from me years from now, tired, resentful, breaking the way my mother did, and us becoming something we swore we never would, flashed through my mind.
I couldn’t do that to her.
I couldn’t lie to her.
“No.”
The answer felt small compared to the damage it did.
Any lingering hope that brightened her eyes dimmed, and she broke right there in front of me.
Every instinct in me screamed to take it back.To fix it.To tell her I’d marry her tomorrow if it meant she’d stay.
But love wasn’t the problem.
I stared at her, waiting for her to take it all back, but we both just stood there, staring at each other, the silence hurting my ears.
My eyes drifted to the necklace draped around her neck.Love at first sight.
