There was still a long road ahead of him, but the noise in his head wasn’t as constant and loud as it used to be. And yet, last night made Kaj feel more liberated than he’d been in years. It was as though his lungs had been filled with concrete and suddenly there was only oxygen, blood, and… hope.
Kaj had no idea how his brain chemistry worked when he was around Noah, or why he was the only person who made him feel this way. But he missed it—the steadiness, the almost absolute tranquility. There was still a war waging inside him, but his world wasn’t spinning out of control. And it confused him.
Shaking his head, Kaj put on his sweats and the T-shirt he wore last night, and walked out of the en-suite.
“You should’ve woken me up,” Noah said, propping his cheek on a fist.
“What for?”
“Continue the fun in the shower?” Noah’s tone dripped with sarcasm.
“Thought you could use some sleep,” Kaj said as he approached the bedside table to grab his phone and wallet, where he kept the key to his room. The truth was, he didn’t want to face Noah in the morning after what they’d done. He needed some distance.
“So do you.”
He did, but he was also used to functioning sleep-deprived, so it wasn’t an issue. “I gotta get to my room before everyone wakes up and they catch me getting out of here.”
“Right.”
“We’re sleeping in another bus tonight,” Kaj started. “But we should buy lube and condoms.”
Noah flashed him one of his infuriatingly shitty, sexy grins, getting out of bed with a semi-hard dick that made Kaj hesitate for a second. “So you weren’t lying last night. We’re gonna keep this—whatever it is—going on.”
Kaj rolled his eyes and walked toward the door. He hadn’t lied, but he definitely needed to talk about it with his therapist, who he was video-calling in… Kaj checked Hilde’s last message from yesterday.
Remember your appointment with Dr. Mortensen is at 7 a.m. our current time (1 p.m. for her)
It was stupid,and it made him feel like a little boy in kindergarten, but it was what it was.He needed guidance.
“I’ll get the lube,” Noah said as he followed Kaj to the door. At least he had the decency to put on his trunks. “You get whatever condoms you prefer.”
“Deal.”
Kaj stepped out of the room, but before he could put enough distance between them, Noah grasped his stainless-steel necklace and pulled him against his mouth. It was cruelly brief, but their lips molded to each other perfectly for a second before Noah nipped at the bottom one, dragging it between his teeth.
“You better not run away this time.”
“Not a chance, if you keep sucking me the way you did last night.”
“Good.” Noah smirked, then closed the door.
The drummer scrubbed a palm down his face before crossing the hallway.What the fuck is this man doing to me?
Kaj entered his room and checked the sparse belongings scattered around. There wasn’t much to pack as he’d barely unpacked in the first place. He never did when it was just one night.
Kaj gathered everything and tucked it neatly into his battered duffel bag—his larger suitcase was downstairs, in a locked safe room, with the rest of the crew’s stuff and the gear. He folded a couple of T-shirts, tossed in some clean socks and underwear, and zipped up his toiletry kit. As he was shoving his phone charger into a side pocket, the device vibrated on the bedside table.
Dr. Mortensen.Kaj took a deep breath and answered the video call.
It was the first time they were doing a session like this. She’d suggested it, so he didn’t go without a check-up for an entire month and a half. Especially since the summer festival tour in Europe started right after this one, and he wouldn’t have much time then, either. The lack of sleep, the pressure of schedules, being surrounded by alcohol and drugs could hamper his progress, and at this point, he didn’t want to go back to who he was, so he’d accepted.
“Morning, Kaj,” she greeted, warm blue eyes crinkling as she smiled. “How are you doing?”
Kaj sat on the chair by the desk, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “I’m okay, I guess.”
“That doesn’t sound too good.”
“No, no, I’m good. I think?” Kaj frowned, and she tilted her head, making his chuckle fade into a sigh. “It’s been an interesting couple of weeks.”
