“I noticed how hard you were a few weeks ago when I pushed you into the wall. Right before you licked my mouth?”
“So?”
“It’s fucked up that you’re trying to play the same game again.”
Kaj’s eyes narrowed, a flare of anger igniting inside him. “Whatexactlyare you implying?”
“I’m notimplyinganything. I’m saying you’re a selfish manwhore. You’re dating Mads, but still want to fuck me on the side like before?” Noah shook his head.
“Even if we were the last two people standing on this planet, I wouldn’t consider fucking you again.”Lies. Kaj took another drag and slowly let the smoke out. “And for the record, although what I do or with who is none of your business, Mads and I aren’t together.”Why did I just tell him that?
“Could’ve fooled me.” Noah rolled his eyes.
“What is it that bothers you so much, anyway? That we’re not dating but still hook up?”More lies.“Or that my dick isn’t up your ass right now?”
“You want the truth or some watered-down white lie?”
Kaj’s jaw twitched.
“You. Your arrogance and the way you use everyone like we’re just pawns in your damn playground is what pisses me off.”
Kaj put out the stub of his cig on the ashtray attached to the railing, smoke seeping out of his nostrils. “I warned you I’d be a pain in the ass. Didn’t I?”
“Congrats on being a jerk. Do you want a medal or something?”
“I’m barely getting started.” Kaj stepped closer to Noah, invading his personal space. “You have no idea what you’ve signed up for.”
“I think I do after the last two months,” Noah bit back, matching his energy.
Kaj let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t think you do.”
Chest to chest, Kaj could feel the heat radiating off Noah, his heart racing and his breath hitching. Bergamot. Lavender. Sandalwood. It was the same fragrance from a decade ago, and it made Kaj salivate. Something dark, warped, and restless scraped his bones, making him feel more alive than he’d been in the last few years.
“If you think I was fucked up before”—Kaj’s lips hovered over Noah’s ear—“you should try me now.”
Noah’s eyes flashed with defiance when Kaj looked back into them. But then, for a fraction of a second, they flicked down to Kaj’s lips. Kaj debated whether to throw himself off the balcony or beat the shit out of Noah. How could his body betray him like that after Kaj had forced himself onto him? How could Noah still even remotely want him after he’d trespassed his boundaries?
“Stay the fuck away from me,” Noah snarled, bumping Kaj’s shoulder with his as he walked past him.
Watching Noah storm back inside, Kaj realized his heart was pounding so hard it could very well rip his chest open.
Slowly, he turned and gripped the railing, knuckles turning white as he breathed in deeply. What the hell was he thinking, getting in Noah’s face? The conflict wafting inside him like poisonous gas was driving him mad, yet he couldn’t help it. He wanted to hurt Noah, but also kiss, bite, and choke him as he bred him. Mark him. The wrongness of Noah wanting it, too, was both arousing and repulsing.
I’m certifiable.
With shaky hands, Kaj lit another cigarette, the nicotine doing little to calm his frayed nerves.
He was not going to fucking survive the tour.
Eight
TheatmospherebackstageatToronto’s Rebel Nightclub was electric.
Instrument cases, wires, and empty beer bottles were scattered along the hallways. The air was thick with the smell of hairspray, sweat, and acrid fire notes caused by the pyrotechnic smoke fluid from the two previous concerts. Roadies darted back and forth, running final soundchecks while Oliver, their production manager, barked instructions into his headset.
Energy crackled with the mix of excitement and nervousness that always preceded a show. No matter how long you’d been doing this, there was always a jittering sensation that didn’t disappear until music swamped the venue. Although the video they’d used to introduce the new vocalist had blown up online, this was the litmus test. The controversy surrounding Emil’s departure had cast a shadow over the entire team, and it being Noah’s debut with the band only added to the pressure. They would either go back to their hotel rooms in a blaze of glory or defeated.
Kaj slumped down on the old leather couch, twirling a drumstick between his fingers while “Fault and Fracture” by Converge blasted in his headphones. It helped him get inthe zone.
