Noah irritated Kaj just by breathing. The intensity in his eyes while they were filming last weekend, the shift in the tension between them since then, was loud and clear, no matter how hard Noah pretended Kaj didn’t affect him. And he… was intrigued.
Harsh beats drowned the space, muffling the turmoil inside of Kaj as soon as he stepped into the nightclub or concert hall, or whatever you wanted to call it—it served both purposes. It wasn’t the biggest in the city, but it looked nice after the renovations. However, the grunge vibes with the installations on full display and black light washing over most of the space made him feel out of place. Like he’d been traveling for ages and was nothing but a stranger to his own story now. Good thing he wasn’t feeling the palpitations that usually accompanied him when he came to a place like this half a year ago.Baby steps.
Pushing through the crowd as he walked toward the bar, Kaj tipped his head to everyone. As expected, he recognized most faces. Wrath ov Gods knew the owners of the venue, and whenever they wanted to celebrate something, they paid to have it closed for them—the perks of befriending the right people.
The soles of Kaj’s boots ripped across the sticky floor like Velcro. The air smelled like sweat and cologne, with some citrus thrown in the mix. He didn’t miss the scene.
“You made it!” Björn screamed as soon as he saw Kaj. “I wasn’t sure if you would.”
“Of course. Happy birthday, redhead!” Kaj hugged him.
“Thanks.” He grinned. “How have you been? It’s been ages since I last saw you.”
“Good.”
“Like in your texts, so much detail! Thanks for the update.”
“Nothing new is going on with me, honestly.” Kaj chuckled. “My life is mostly music, gym, and repeat.”
“That’s why you’re looking so hot,” he said, squeezing Kaj’s biceps.
“Larsen!” a musician from another band called loud enough to be heard above the music. “Long time no see!” He tripped over himself, making the hug feel more like a tackle.
“Hey...” Kaj’s heart cowered as he grabbed the guy’s shoulders to put some distance between them.
It didn’t happen with his closest friends anymore, but unsolicited human contact made him uncomfortable, especially if the person reeked of alcohol.
“I’ve missed you.”
“Can’t blame you. This place is so lame without me.”
“It is! The other night I was sitting on my stool without bothering anyone when…”
The drummer nodded without really paying attention as the guy rambled on, losing sight of the cornerstone of his story with unimportant details.
Once he walked away, Kaj and Björn sat on a comfy leather couch with their coats balled up behind them. Acquaintances came and went, sharing some tittle-tattle before they were finally left alone.
Björn was one of those with whom Kaj would spend hours talking and never get tired. Along with Mads, Val, and his bandmates, this dude was the only other person he’d met a decade ago and could still call arealfriend. Tonight, for example, topics varied from the weather to gym bro babble, music gear, and horror movies. But most importantly, he made Kaj forget about everything that kept him away from these gatherings.
Going out in the end hadn’t been such a bad idea. It felt nice to talk about everything and anything, catching up over a non-alcoholic drink, even if it was a Squash and Kaj’s eyes not-so-subtly drifted to the whiskey behind the bar when he went to get a new one. Or so he thought, untilNoah popped into the conversation.
“Have you fucked him already?” Björn said like he was asking the hour.
Kaj had never introduced his hookups to his friends—they didn’t mean shit—but with Noah, it was different. Although, well, it wasn’t like he’d introduced them, but he didn’t bother to hide who he was. He’d kicked his bandmates out of the room they were all sharing when they played gigs away from home to have phone sex with him. Ditched them to go meet Noah several times, too. So Björn was more than aware of what had happened between them.
“Who the hell do you think I am?”
“A walking erection?” Björn shrugged with a stupid grin.
“Asshole.” Kaj gave him the finger while sipping his orange soda.
“I’m just saying, he’s always kinda been a weak spot for you.”
“I haven’t screwed anyone in five months and not gonna start now.”
Kaj was trying to stay celibate, like they had suggested in rehab. Apparently, intimacy and sex could take your focus off the healing process, making you rely on your partner in an unhealthy way. He’d failed at doing this the last few times he’d tried to get clean, so it was time for a different strategy.
It was tough, though. For the past eight years, he had been busy getting himself stoned, composing, and touring. He’d been a functional addict for a long time, and his libido was always quite high. But in the last months before he totally lost control, although he was horny during the transitory lucid moments between one fix and the next, he couldn’t get hard. And now that he was stronger and healthier again, his dick was waking up from a deep slumber, reminding him that he wasn’t built for this type of abstinence.
