“Sit.”
Kaj obeyed, his body responding to Noah’s gentle commands while his mind still floated between reality and some sort of spiritual realm. Water beat down on his skin like a thousand needles, but as he tempered to it, the sensation felt more like a caress.
Soon after, Noah’s hands were on him, slick with gel that smelled like him. Each stroke was as deliberate as it was devout, rubbing in slow circular motions across his shoulder blades, lower back, arms, and chest. Without saying a word, Noah went down on one knee and continued with his calves, his thighs, and everything in between.
Under different circumstances, their interaction would have been so much different, but there was nothing sexual about the way Noah was touching him. More than getting sweat and disgusting memories washed away, this felt like he was being worshipped.
Rivulets and foam traced paths down Kaj’s skin, mapping flesh that felt both familiar and foreign. A candle flickered in the corner, casting dancing shadows across the wall. Noah was so beautiful that Kaj wanted to look away and never stop looking at the same time.
His heart skidded.
This place, this moment, was everything he’d ever dreamed of, just them with nothing veiling the reality of who they were. Scars. Fears. Weaknesses. A kaleidoscope of flaws and virtues. Of raw heartbeats and pain. And still, he wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
Kaj deflated as Noah’s fingers massaged his scalp in this comforting silence. The sensation sent ripples down his spine, undoing the knots that seized his body earlier in the afternoon.
Water cascaded down his shoulders as Noah grabbed the showerhead and rinsed his hair, one hand shielding his forehead. Kaj had his eyes closed, so it wasn’t like he would get soap in them, but the gesture—so small, yet so big—made something crack inside him. Nobody had ever taken care of him like this. Not in years. Not without expecting something in return.
Kaj squeezed his eyes and clenched his jaw, nostrils flaring as he fought back the tears. He was an emotional clusterfuck. Noah was aware of it, but he didn’t need to see another scene like the one from before.
“Okay. You’re done,” Noah said, smoothing a palm down Kaj’s arm. “Let’s get out of here.”
As they stepped out of the shower, goosebumps rose across Kaj’s flesh. His body was messed up, still trying to recover from the extreme physical and mental response he had earlier. Before he could even shudder, though, Noah was already putting a towel over his shoulders. Then he grabbed a smaller one from the rack and motioned for Kaj to sit on the closed toilet lid.
“I’m not a kid, you know. And I’m feeling better already.”Lies. “I can do this myself.”
“Kaj…” Noah’s eyes only reflected pain right now. “Just—let me do this.”
“Fine.”
Kaj surrendered to Noah’s care, letting his head hang forward as gentle hands worked the towel through his hair. To be honest, this felt nice—just existing, knowing that at least here, beside Noah, in his apartment, not even the haunting memories of Jesper could get to him. But,fuck. That asshole had not only made Kaj spiral years ago but had also been mentally torturing Noah from whatever dark corner of the world he’d been hiding in for the past few months.
Kaj swallowed, trying to keep his composure. He needed to get a grip on himself because if not now, tomorrow, Noah was going to want to hear what had happened. And he deserved to know.
When his hair was merely damp instead of dripping, Noah helped Kaj stand. They dressed in silence. Noah put on a pair of short gray sweats and a worn System Of A Down T-shirt Kaj swore was the same he’d gifted him when they were sixteen—it looked huge in the past, but it fit perfectly now. Kaj borrowed some similar clothes that were slightly tighter on him but smelled like Noah, so he had zero complaints.
“Do you wanna eat anything?”
“Not hungry,” Kaj said.
“Drink?”
“Water’s fine.”
“Okay. Get comfy, I’ll get it for you.”
Kaj did as he was told, sinking into the cushions as he plopped down on the teal couch. The fabric was soft and warm from the sun hitting it directly almost the entire day. Looking around, Kaj scanned the place, which he hadn’t truly done the first time he was here.
Noah’s apartment was small but immaculate, decorated mostly in grey and light wood shades that combined nicely with darker accents of color on the furniture. An acoustic guitar was in a corner beside a shelf full of music albums and vinyls. On the left side of the TV, there was another one filled with books, Marvel prints, anime figures, and other geeky stuff—mind you, it all still had a solemn air. The living room opened to a tiny balcony overlooking the street, lights twinkling against the night sky that had fallen while they were in the shower.
How long have I been out? It was barely six when we were finishing the interview.
Rain pattered against the windows, creating a soothing backdrop that counterbalanced the receding storm in Kaj’s mind.
It was so cozy here.
And warm.
But it was not safe. Not while Jesper was out there.
