Zach’s expression faltered. “Ehm... Yeah, sure.”
He bent forward to put on his Vans. Meanwhile, Noah glanced inside the apartment. From here, he could only see the living room and the door that led into the kitchen on the right. He had spent countless weekends here since Zach finished his course, watching movies, playing board games, and having mind-blowing sex that sadly never satisfied him on an emotional level. How stupid was that? Sex was about physical gratification, and Zach was a gold medal Olympic athlete at that. But he needed more, and hadn’t realized how important that aspect really was for him untilthatnight.
He wasn’t in love with Kaj anymore. At least, he didn’t think he was. But his mind, his mouth, and every inch of his skin recognized him as the half he’d been missing all this time. He didn’t need to think about it that night at the club, just followed Kaj’s heartbeats, allowing him to cast a spell on him that hazed his reasoning.
After getting some takeaway coffees, Zach and Noah went to the park. They walked down the central path under tall, lush trees and birds singing, talking about Zach’s holiday and how everything was advancing with Noah’s college plans.
“What is it, Noah? Out with it.”
“What do you mean?” He wasn’t playing dumb, but he caught him off guard.
“You didn’t wanna stay at home and you’re absent-minded.”
“Can we just...” Noah looked around. There were families walking, people jogging, a few couples sitting under the shadow of the trees in the grassy areas adorned with flowers. Then he saw an empty bench near the pond on the path to the left. “Can we sit?”
“Sure.”
It hadn’t even been a microsecond since their asses touched the wooden surface before Zach spoke again.
“Noah, all this is giving me a bad feeling.” He chuckled bitterly. “Or am I imagining it?”
He bit his bottom lip and avoided looking at those beautiful hazel irises—or he would end up crying like a fucking baby. “I’m sorry.”
Zach sighed. “What happened?”
“I-I...” Noah’s gaze raised to him again. Zach had reclined on the bench, arms crossed over his chest, head tossed back, and eyes closed. His profile, edged by the afternoon glow, was as masculine and perfect as ever with those full lips, straight nose, and slight brow ridge. But the wrinkle between his eyebrows clearly said he wasn’t as relaxed as he looked. “I... since this is gonna end eventually, and I’m so busy getting everything ready before college, I think I need more time to myself.”Such a lame excuse.
Zach turned his face and gazed into Noah’s eyes, as if trying to read him. “Am I a burden to you?”
“What? No! Not at all.”
“Then I don’t get it. Do you notlikeme anymore? It’s okay if that’s what this is.”
“That’s not it...”It really wasn’t. “You’re incredible, Zach. And it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re the first guy I’ve had sex with, the full kind. Our connection is real. But I just—I can’t do this right now.” He clenched his fists that were resting on his bent leg.
“Who is it?”
“Who is what?”
“The other guy.” Zach sat up and turned his body toward Noah so they faced each other. “I think you’re trying to avoid hurting my feelings by not telling me the whole truth, but I’ve known you long enough to know this isn’t about college or our expiration date.”
“I-I...” Noah squeezed his eyes shut to repress the tears. “I hate this so much, Zach, but... I-It’s Kaj.”
“Okay.” He motioned with his head, prompting him to continue.
“There’s nothing going on, though,” Noah rushed to say. “Well—” He bit his bottom lip. “I—we kinda...”
“Fucked?” He clenched his jaw.
Noah grimaced and wished he was six feet under. He was such a coward, but also glad that Zach was so intuitive and smart because getting the words out felt like burning his tongue with acid.
With a sigh, Zach covered Noah’s hand with his, brushing a thumb gently over his knuckles. “You know, I played dumb for a while, but the unresolved tension between you two is too obvious.”
“It’s not like I wanna try anything with him. He’s messed up. We’re like water and oil, but... I can’t help it, and lying to you feels so wrong.”
“I get it.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his beautiful eyes. “What we have—what wehad,was just friendship with some great sex, you and him, that was a lot more. So, I’m not gonna go batshit crazy over it, but I’m also not gonna deny it hurts like a bitch to hear you say all this. To know someone else has touched you while you were with me. Makes me feel like—”
Noah unclenched his fists and squeezed Zach’s hands between his, cutting what he was going to say. “Don’t even go there. Zach, you’ve been nothing but good to me in all fucking ways. From our conversations to the sex, everything was incredible with you. I couldn’t have asked for more. I’m the problem here.”
