But the damage was already done, and after that, things got even weirder.
Katja cut ties completely with Trine. She never called again, not to apologize for acting like a bitch or ask for favors. Kaj became more withdrawn. He would cancel plans with Noah and the guys. He didn’t want to fool around, didn’t want to be touched or hugged or anything. And, on top of it all, he was acting strangely suspicious. Sometimes, he would receive a text and get all tense, proceeding to delete and pocket his phone right away, telling Noah things like “wrong number,” “spam,” “mind your own business,” or “just a girl that didn’t get the memo that I have a boyfriend.”
That was when paranoia entered the game.
Kaj hadneverhidden anything from him because, like the stupid teenagers they were, when some rando tried to flirt with him, Kaj would let Noah use his device to toy with them. But there was no joking around anymore.
“Do you think... he might want to break up with me?” Noah asked the guys.
The three of them were in his bedroom, lying on the floor side by side with their feet up on his bed. It was spring break, and they were all supposed to spend time together like they always had, but Kaj had texted the group chat saying he wasn’t in the mood.
“Nah, dude,” Theo said. “He’s so fucking smitten with you it’s disgusting. He’s probably just... I don’t know.”
“That doesn’t exactly make me feel better.”
“Don’t overthink it too much,” Val said. “He just had a rough year. That’s all.”
“But it’s been a year...” Noah felt horrible for saying this out loud, but he couldn’t bite his tongue any longer.
“You can’t put a timeline on how long it takes someone to heal.”
“I know, I know.” But that didn’t change the fact that Noah felt like he didn’t have a boyfriend the past few months. It was as if Kaj didn’t love him anymore and was slowly pulling away from him, expecting him to be the one to end things between them. “This sucks.”
“That’s why I don’t do relationships,” Theo quipped.
“That, and because they can’t stand you,” Val said.
“Fuck you.” He flipped him off. “But also, Noah, at this point, what does it matter? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love him too, but if he doesn’t want to be with us or you, that’s his loss.”
“That’s not funny,” Noah bit back. “And,also, it’s different.”
For Noah, friends weren’t interchangeable. They all were unique in their own particular way, but there was only one Kaj. Onlyoneperson he wanted to give his heart, body, and soul to.
“I’m not joking. He’s been one of my best friends since I can remember, but if he doesn’t want to be anymore, I’m not gonna sit here and cry about it or beg him. He can go fuck himself.”
“Dude!” Val called him out.
“I...” Noah frowned as his heart twisted in his chest. The thought alone hurt. Continue his life without Kaj in it? How? He’d rather die. “Do you wanna watch the last Artificial Suicide live?” he asked to change the topic.
All these concerns, doubts, and fears had been flooding his mind for the past few weeks when he was alone. He didn’t need to torture himself with it when he was with his friends. They were the only solid rocks in his life right now. “I watched a bit last night and it’s brutal.”
“Oh, yeah! I had totally forgotten about it,” Theo said, sitting up.
“How could you? Heathen!” Val laughed.
April was nearing its end and spring break was almost over, but Noah had barely seen Kaj. So, he decided to surprise him with the “Fortress” vinyl edition of Alter Bridge, one of the few contemporary bands Nikolaj had ever approved of. Maybe that would make him think of the good times and smile.
The wind was crisp, and the temperature rarely got above fifteen degrees Celsius, but the sun was already shining bright. The breeze whistled as he rode his bike toward Kaj’s house. Noah’s pulse thumped in his veins and a nervous chill made his skin erupt with goosebumps.
He was so young, so full of life and dreams. And so fucking naïve, believing that the power of love and what they had was so strong and special that,together, they would survive anything.
But that day, Noah received a reality check.
That day, he got one of the deepest cuts he’d ever carried. A fatal wound that would get infected all over again years later after reliving the nightmare he witnessed.
Noah knocked on the door and waited. He tried again, ringing the bell when no one answered. Nothing happened. It was weird because Kaj’s bike was leaning against the wall beside the entrance door and Jesper’s car was parked outside as well, which could only mean Katja’s was inside the garage. Maybe they were watching a movie or something and didn’t hear.
Walking around the corner, Noah peeked through the kitchen window. The ground floor of the house was open, but he couldn’t see anything there or in the living room. No movement. No lights. No sounds.
