“Huh?” Jesper asked around a bite of his sandwich.
“The guys and I also want to spend some time with Kaj. With classes, exams, and all that, we haven’t had that much time to hang out these past couple of weeks. So, if you’re not sick of being around teenagers, maybe we could come with you for a few days, too?”
It was subtle, but Jesper’s expression twisted again, and a flash of something Noah couldn’t decipher crossed his eyes. It switched on a red light in Noah’s mind, but he shrugged it off. Maybe Jesper wanted to be alone with his baby brother, and he was overstepping. He didn’t see him as much as they did.
To his surprise, Jesper said, “Both my roommates are going to be out of town with their families. So, I guess it would be okay.”
“Awesome! It’ll probably be after Christmas Eve, though. No way Mom will let me escape that night. She’s invited Katja and Kaj over. Said you should come, too. But I’ll ask her and the guys.”
“Cool.” He offered him a tight-lipped smile. “And, Noah?”
“Hm?”
“Kaj has a solid family and friends who love him. He’ll be alright.”
“Hope so.”
But that was all it was—hope. Like a feather in the wind, it swirled farther from their reach. This road, full of cracks and turns, was just the start of Kaj’s descent into the abyss.
Twelve
The holidays flew pastthem in the blink of an eye.
Christmas Eve had been surprisingly nice. Noah didn’t think it would be bad, but awkward? Yup.
Katja was a blonde with manicured nails who wore expensive clothes and liked to read historical romance books, whereas Trine was a brunette with sleeve tattoos covering both her arms, passionate about music and true crime shows. Although they both had loved Nik in different ways, they were so different that he had no idea what they were going to talk about. But he guessed, sometimes, opposites complement each other.
Though he hadn’t really been mentally present enough to pay attention since he spent most of those festive days worried sick.
Kaj had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. The pills he’d gotten prescribed seemed to be helping some, as he didn’t have extreme mood swings anymore. But that didn’t cast away the dreadful sensation taking over Noah. It wasn’t only because right after they’d started trying to have sex—it neverhappened more than a finger or two because he was so nervous he couldn’t relax—that everything had stopped altogether. It was also because Kaj looked like he had lost all joy, moving through the days like a dead man walking. Like he didn’t care whether he was alive or not.
Noah didn’t know what to make of the contradictory emotions swirling inside him. He felt sad for Kaj, but selfish and like the worst boyfriend on Earth at the same time. Kaj was stuck in limbo where no emotions reached him. No one could blame him. Not even Noah. He didn’t know what he would do if he lost Trine the way Kaj had lost his dad. Didn’t even want to think about it. The way Nik left had been traumatic enough—he was still hurting, too. But he couldn’t deny the fact that this situation was frustrating.
There were no words or displays of affection that would fix Kaj, and some days, Noah was too tired of the sadness surrounding them to try to pull any reactions from him. The only glimpse he’d got at Kaj getting better before everything went to shit happened during the week they’d spent with Jesper in Copenhagen.
Noah and Val had to come back on the morning of the 31st because their parents refused to ring in the new year without their kids, and Theo couldn’t even go because his holidays were divided between his mom and dad, but it’d still been great. From lazing around and doing nothing but watching YouTube, to diving into the metal scene in the city and sightseeing, they did everything they wanted.
The images of those days sliding through his mind came to an abrupt halt as Noah yanked on his own hair.
“Fucking fuck…” He fought with the knots, like every damn time, even after applying conditioner in the shower. He loved this length that almost reached his waist, but some days it was a pain in the ass.
Once he was done untangling the mess on his head, he lathered his body. A shiver ran up his spine, shaking each one of his cells when he cupped his balls and stroked his dick to wash himself thoroughly.
It had been too long.
Tossing his head back, Noah moved his hand up and down his shaft as images of Kaj invaded his mind. He missed his touch. His gorgeous blue eyes. His lips. His warmth. His hands all over him. His voice whispering the dirty things he wanted to do. That beautiful cock ravaging his mouth.
The last few days had been utterly lonely at home without Kaj. He missed him so much it was becoming physically uncomfortable. Luckily, he was coming back today.
With that thought in mind, Noah shuddered through the most pitiable of orgasms. Fleeting and shallow, his balls barely thumped as his dick went limp halfway through it.
“Shit…”
This had been the first time he’d even attempted jerking himself in weeks. His body needed it, but his mind didn’t want to cooperate.
As the water cascaded down his back, washing away the disappointment, Noah took a deep breath. He closed the tap and stepped out onto the bathmat. Dragging it with his feet, he looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. As he started combing his hair, his phone vibrated on the shelf beside the sink, the name flashing on the screen making his heart skip a few beats.
Hey
