Jesper visited more frequently, too, becoming a buffer between his mom and stepbrother, since they didn’t seem to understand each other.
In the beginning, Noah thought Kaj was exaggerating because he was still sensitive, but when things escalated, he had to take a side, and of course, he’d chosen his.
He felt useless when it came to this issue, though. He’d tried calming his boyfriend down, but despite Kaj’s snide remarks, his stepmom was so civil and correct when people were around that Noah never found an excuse to stand up to her. She’d offer them food and drinks every time they hung out at the Larsens’ and never protested when the four of them spent the entire weekend locked in his bedroom talking shit.
From what he saw, she was trying her best to raise a teen who was struggling emotionally. Which was a hard task, or so Trine had said, indirectly implying he should mind his own business. Still, Noah didn’t like how Katja was dealing with it all, going so far as to threaten to kick Kaj out ofhishome. It made Noah’s blood boil.
“If you don’t wanna live by my rules, you might as well leave my house.”
“It’s my house, too, in case you forgot. You only live here because you married my dad.”
“I’m serious, Kaj. If you don’t start behaving, I’ll change the locks so you can’t get in until you realize that what you’re doing is not going to take you anywhere.”
“Stop lecturing me. You’re not the best example of a successful life.”
“Fine, keep doing whatever the hell you want. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She never carried out her threats, but Noah hated that she felt she had any right to put Kaj through that kind of strain on top of everything else.
Adults sucked, especially parents. They wanted their kids to own their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. To learn to apologize. But they never did the same. They never listened. Never took them seriously. And, of course, they wanted to control every aspect of their lives—where they went, who they were with, what hour they were coming back. It was annoying.
Good thing Jesper wasn’t like that. Instead of bugging them, since they weren’t allowed to go farther than Fredericia and didn’t want their parents around all the time, he drove the four boys everywhere. To Legoland, to concerts, and even took them to Djurs Sommerland during autumn break—one of the best theme parks in Denmark. He tried taking his brother outside as much as he could, even if it was just the two of them driving around, so Kaj could disconnect from the gloomy mood in the house.
He even snuck them into a shady metal nightclub in Odense once. They all ended up quite drunk—or stoned—Noah wasn’t sure after drinking and smoking pot all night. The room at Kurt’s parents’ house, while they were on a trip, spun around the moment they laid in bed and closed their eyes. It had made Noah’s stomach twist. The vomit taste in his mouth and the hangover the next day weren’t any better. But it had been so much fun, he didn’t regret a second of it.
Toward the beginning of November, though, this rebellious phase flew away as fast as it’d come when Nikolaj’s absence hit Kaj the hardest. The apparent happiness he’d been experiencing was just a mirage, a high before he reached the lowest low on his dad’s forty-third birthday.
“Hey.” Jesper tipped his head when he saw Noah coming into the kitchen. “How’s he doing?”
The couple had been snuggled up in bed the entire afternoon, doing nothing but watching Naruto for the gazillionth time. Noah didn’t mind spooning Kaj’s strong body. He loved those calmer moments with him, nuzzling the back of his neck, breathing Kaj in as he relaxed in his embrace. But seeing the cheerful boy he’d once been drowning in this terrible sea of sorrow that didn’t seem to have a bottom flipped his world upside down.
It was probably odd, but he felt excluded. Hated that he couldn’t get into his head and hear exactly what he was thinking. That he couldn’t dissect his heart and touch his suffering with his own fingertips. It broke him not being able to share this part of Kaj.
“Same as yesterday.” He lifted a shoulder. “I’m worried. He’s been like this for three weeks.”
“He needs time.”
“I know, but I hate it.”
“Understandable. Not a fan of it either…” Jesper left the sandwich he was eating on his plate. “I was thinking of bringing him with me for Christmas break.”
“To Copenhagen?”
“Where else?”
Noah frowned, biting the inside of his cheek. He knew it could do Kaj some good, but he didn’t want to be away from him for so long.
“You’re not coming over this year? Not even for Christmas?”
Jesper grimaced. “Mom will probably give me shit about it, but I don’t feel like celebrating and pretending we’re a happy family.”
“I get it…” Noah rested his chin on his palm and looked outside.
The sidewalk was clear, but the curb and part of the road were covered in snow. It wasn’t late, yet the sky was already painted a beautiful dark navy color. Most people were home now from work and school, so everything was quiet. Noah wished he could plant this kind of peace in Kaj’s mind.
Just then, the best idea occurred to him.
“Do you think, maybe, we all could come?” That way they would be together and could do some sort of friends’ trip.
