Nico looks up, startled. “What? No. He’s just another fighter out of Philly; we run in the same crowds.” He frowns. “Why is he a piece of shit? Did he…say something else to you?”
I want to laugh. “Oh,nowyou’re protective? Because let me tell you something, Nico: he made me feel like shit, butyoumade me feel worse.”
He stares at me, speechless. I’ve never let myself be anything but the agreeable girl, even with Nico.
And it feelsgoodto unleash on him a little.
His throat moves on another rough swallow. “You’re right. I was a total piece of shit, and I’m so, so sorry. I never should’ve said what I did to you.”
Maybe the hardest part of this is that I suspect he means it. He does feel bad for freaking out at me, because the way he acted, it isn’t like him at all.
My words are quiet when I ask, “Then why did you?”
He takes a big step forward, seemingly done with giving me space. Cupping my face in his hands, he tips his forehead to touch mine.
“Because I got really fucking scared that you didn’t feel about me the way I feel about you,” he whispers. “Because…” He pulls in a shaky breath. “Because I realized I was falling in love with you, and the absolute worst thing I could think of was finding out I was just a client to you.”
My heartrate triples.He was falling in love with me?
I have no idea how to respond to that. How am I supposed to respond to that? I’ve never felt this strongly about someone before, never had someone feel this strongly aboutme.
Nico must not expect a response because he straightens, hands still cupping my face.
“Give me another chance, baby,” he begs, his voice raw with emotion that brings tears to my eyes. “Let me make it up to you. Let me love you the way you should be loved.”
“You hurt me.” It bursts out of me. I didn’t realize how badly I needed to say it until it’s out there.
Regret flashes in Nico’s eyes. “I know, and I’m so?—”
“A big part of me is screaming to forgive you.” He goes quiet when I cut him off, and the rest of it rushes out of me. “That I should accept your apology so we can smooth everything over and continue as if none of this happened. That would be the easiest thing…foryou.”
He’s hanging on to every word, but he stiffens on that last one. He knows something is different.
“But another part of me,” I continue, quietly but with conviction, “a much smaller, newer part I’m embracing, is telling me to throw you out of my apartment. Because you hurt me. You broke my heart last night, and I don’t want to forgive you. Not yet.”
The moment the words are out of my mouth, a sense of calm settles over me.
Because for the first time in my life, I’m making a decision for me. Not for my mother, or for whatever man I’m standing in front of, butme.
Maybe I should be more wary of Nico’s reaction to my words. After all, I was taught to be scared of a man’s displeasure. But I’m not surprised when he eventually nods and drops his hands from my face.
“I understand.” After a moment, his eyes lock with mine once more, glassier than they were a minute ago. “Part of me wants to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness. But…another part of me is proud of you for telling me no.”
Before I can react to that, he leans forward to press a kiss to my temple, the gesture making my heart ache. And then he’s turning and walking away.
But he stops as he opens the front door. “Just so you know, this isn’t a goodbye. Iwillearn your forgiveness.” And there’s ironclad conviction in his gaze when he adds, a little softer, “I’m not giving up on us, Scarlett.”
THIRTY-NINE
NICO
For two weeks, I hate myself.
To be honest, I’ve hated myself ever since I got Scarlett’s wire transfer, when I realized just how badly I fucked up at the gala. But after seeing the look on Scarlett’s face when she kicked me out of her apartment…that self-hatred reaches a new level.
Thank God I don’t have any more fights coming up because my workouts are dog shit after that. I go through all the motions, and I do everything my coaches tell me to do, but my heart’s not in it. Because if Scarlett isn’t in my life, nothing else matters.
I think it’s the reason I end up calling Lucas to come by the gym.
