"Lilith!" Lucifer's sharp voice pulled me from the pit of despair I'd begun to sink back down into. "Are you unable to pay attention?"
I shook my head. "Lucifer, I'm barely breathing. Cut me a little slack."
For a few seconds, Lucian peered through Lucifer's eyes. He walked forward and got on the bed, sitting on top of the blankets. Before I knew it, I was wrapped in his strong arms with tears pouring down my cheeks. "It's going to be okay," he whispered. "I'll make sure of it."
"What if she's already dead?" I sobbed into his shirt, unable to stop the pain from overwhelming me. I'd never felt so helpless in my entire existence. "I can't sense her. I can't stop the pain, Lucifer."
This was the husband I needed. Part Lucian, part Lucifer. Ready to throw down and burn the world to the ground when needed, but also able to comfort me and be here for me when I needed him. As my tears slowed, I prayed he'd stay like this and his power would give him some relief and a break from the anger.
He extracted himself from underneath me when my sobs completely stopped. "I need more information about the state of Abaddon and the rest of the world."
Like a switch had flipped, he was entirely Lucifer again.
"And why can't I die?" He shook his head and looked like he was getting upset again. "I tried again this morning and failed miserably." He'd been trying to kill himself for days. That explained why he was particularly harsh this morning.
"Michael! Gabriel!" Lucifer began yelling for his friends and my mates. Sighing, I plumped the pillows behind me and waited for them to show up.
Michael popped in first, covered in soot. "What the hell?" I yelled when he plopped down on my clean, white sheets and blankets. "Get off!"
"Too late." He closed his eyes and burrowed against the pillows. "It's already dirty now, I might as well stay."
"Why are you covered in soot?" Lucifer asked. Gabriel appeared before Michael opened his mouth. He looked weary, but at least he was clean.
Michael explained the soot but never opened his eyes. "I heard a rumor of a fire that couldn't be contained, then suddenly, it went out on its own. In Montana. I was going through the house to see if I could sense anything at all."
My heart ached for them. I knew they were exhausted, pushing themselves to their limits to look for Ariel. He sighed again and moved his arm so his hand laid palm up on the bed. I took it and wiped the soot from his knuckles with the already-ruined sheet. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "This is all my fault."
"It's not your fault," Gabriel said darkly. He shot Lucifer a scathing look. "I've been chasing a rumor of a strange man and a baby on the Galapagos Islands. It wasn't them."
"Is there any news of Abaddon?" Lucifer asked. "How are the gates?"
Gabriel shook his head and walked to the bed scooting Michael’s feet out of the way and sitting down. "We can only see it from the outside. I haven't been there in several days."
Michael threw his arm over his eyes. "I went yesterday. They're pretty bad, but I think the speed of the decay might have slowed. I expected them to be worse than they were."
Lucifer paced the room while Gabriel and I watched. Michael let out a soft snore.
"Who knew about the baby?" Lucifer asked. "Besides us?"
"Raphael, obviously," I said. "Since they sensed him in the baby's room and he's MIA. And Sandalphon. We think that's all."
Lucifer's rage bubbled over again. "What the hell were you two doing while we were stuck here? Did none of the fools in heaven notice Raphael's disappearance?"
"Lucifer, be mindful of your words," I cautioned. He was more agitated than he'd been this morning, and who knew what he might say to his friends or me.
"This situation is impossible," he replied. "I need some air, or I'm going to blow."
He stalked from the room and soon we heard the back door slam. He had to have slammed it for us to hear it in the upstairs bedroom. I leaned against the pillows with a sigh and a heavy heart.
"Is he gone?" Gabe asked.
"Yeah. He'll walk around outside for a while with Jellybean and come back calmed down," I said.
The black pit looked better and better. If I sank into it, I might go into an oblivion where it didn't hurt as much.
Gabriel watched me, a concerned expression on his face. "We're going to find her," he said. "Raphael can't disappear off the face of the earth."
He focused on Michael and pulled the soot off of his body. His eyes narrowed and it whirled in the air until it formed a small ball, then he walked into the bathroom with it. When he came back, he wore just his boxers, and the soot was gone. “There,” he said, then walked around the bed to slide in beside me. I adjusted myself so I could let him hold and comfort me.
