Her beautiful green eyes fill with curiosity and sympathy. “I get it. You’ve been through stuff. We’ve all been through stuff. I can’t say I’m not curious, though.”
I lift a brow. “About me?”
She nods.
I puff out my cheeks, then lower her head to my chest and lay mine on hers. Why is it so hard to move on? To let myself be happy?
Because I was selfish. I went to that party. I left the laptop plugged in for too many hours. I was so careless, I let my parents die in that fire. I wasn’t even home to save them, to warn them. To dosomething. No, I was out with my friends.
If someone were to analyze me, they’d tell me that the reason I don’t want friends is because I feel too guilty to have any. It’s because I had so many friends that I couldn’t save my parents that night.
But I shove all these thoughts aside and focus on this dance. On Artemis. I can feel many people watching us, can hear their whispers. But I shut my eyes and tune them out. Right here, right now, with my arms wrapped around this awesome girl, is where I want to be.
***
It’s after midnight when Artemis’s driver drops me off. I’ve never ridden in a limo before and can’t say I wouldn’t mind doing it again. But of course that will never happen. Itcan’t happen. Not only do Artemis and I come from different worlds, I still won’t let myself open up to the idea of a girlfriend. It’ll only hurt me and her. And I really don’t want to hurt her again.
“How was the Ball?” Grandma nearly gives me a heart attack. She’s sitting in the kitchen, in the dark, her hand wrapped around a glass of water.
I slide onto the chair beside her. “Was good.”
She waits for me to say more, but I don’t. We’ve been uttering more than a few words to each other, but I don’t feel comfortable enough to pour my heart out to her, or to anyone, really.
“Did you have a good time? Brianne really likes you, and I’m sure her parents do as well.” She takes my hands. I’m tempted to pull away, but there’s something nice about my grandmother’s touch. It’s like my body craves it to make up for all the years we’ve lost. “You could have a good life with her. I’m sorry I can’t provide you with much.”
I pull my hands away. “I don’t like Brianne. And I definitely don’t want a future with her.”
She nods slowly. “Okay. I know you’re too young to be thinking about the future and marriage, but she’s a good catch.”
“I don’t like her.”
She studies me. “But thereissomeone you like.”
I avert my gaze, swallowing the lump in my throat. “No.”
She rubs my hand, her face washed with pain. But hope is mixed in, too. “You’ve had a rough time after your parents died, but you know you can be happy, right? Your mom and dad would want that for you.”
I yank my hand out of hers again. “I’m tired. Going to bed.”
“All right. Good night, Ryan.”
I wish her the same, then go to the bathroom to shower. The only thoughts in my mind are what my grandma just said. I know Mom and Dad wouldn’t want me to mope around all day. They’d want me to move on, to build a life for myself. To be happy. But I can’t. I just can’t.
Artemis’s face floats before my eyes. She hasn’t given up on me. No matter how many times I’ve pushed her away, she keeps coming back. Why? And it’s not only because she has a crush on me. I don’t know how I know this, I just do. It’s like it bothers her thatI’m alone and don’t have friends.
Brianne doesn’t leave me alone, either, but that’s because she wants to date me. I don’t think she cares about me, not like Artemis does.
I shut my eyes, letting out a breath. What does it matter? I’m not boyfriend material. Not anymore. As much as I wish I could be, I’m just not.
Chapter Eighteen
Ryan
Saturday morning, I’m woken up by the sound of my phone dinging. Groggily, I reach for it and as soon as I realize it’s a text from Artemis, my eyes pop open.
Want to hang out today? Maybe catch a movie?
It’s eight in the morning. Why the heck is she up so early?
