Was she maybe not able to sleep last night? Just like I couldn’t? I was up most of the night, reliving the evening over and over again. For the first time in over a month, I didn’t have a nightmare of that night.
Even though I can’t be the guy for her, I still want her in my life. I decided it’s best for us to be friends. Hopefully she’ll be cool with that.
I text her back.Can’t, have plans with my grandmother. Maybe tomorrow?
She responds right away with a thumbs-up emoji.
I try to go back to sleep, but it’s just not happening. It’s not long before I’m calling her.
“Hey, Ryan,” she says with more energy that’s needed so early in the morning.
“You’re up early,” I say.
She laughs awkwardly. “I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about last night. You know, like the food and the music. It was in my head all night.”
My heart pounds as I wait for her to say more, to maybe tell me she was thinking about me. But she doesn’t. Is it possible she doesn’t see me as more than a friend?
Why does that bother me when I want the same?
“Me, too,” I tell her. “And then I finally fell asleep, only to be rudely woken up by your text.” I’m trying to tease her, but it’s not really coming off that way.
“Oh, oops.” She laughs awkwardly again. “I don’t know what I was thinking, sorry.”
I wave my hand, even though she can’t see. “It’s okay. I’m just teasing you.”
Another awkward laugh.
Silence.
“So what are your plans with your grandma? Doing anything fun?”
“Yeah, we’re going to an art museum. It was her idea, actually. I think she wants us to spend more time together.” I don’t know why I said that. It’s the most I’ve revealed about myself to anyone.
“That’s great. You guys aren’t very close, right? Sorry, it’s none of my business. People tell me I pry too much.”
“It’s okay,” I find myself saying. I don’t know why it’s okay. I hate talking about myself, but it’s different with her. “You’re right, we’re not really close. But we’re working on it.”
“I’m happy about that. Um…what happened to your parents?”
My heart clenches as Mom’s terrified face appears before my eyes. I shut them quickly to rid the image and say, “What are your plans for today?”
“Uh, nothing much. Probably going to readPride and Prejudicefor the millionth time. Then I might watch the movie.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“You don’t really mean that.”
“Why not?”
She’s quiet for a bit. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve been feeling a little lonely ever since Jenna and Jason became a thing. They always include me in their plans, but I know they don’t really want me there.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to invite her to the museum with me and Grandma, but I press my lips shut. I don’t want my grandmother to think Artemis and I are…together. And besides, I’m pretty sure she isn’t interested in an art museum.
She laughs again. “Wow I can’t believe I told you that. You probably think I’m a loser.”
“No, I don’t. I don’t have friends, either, remember?”
She sighs. “But you don’t want any. I mean, I’m happy for Jenna. She deserves to be happy, but I guess I miss our girl time.” She clears her throat. “Anyway, I should let you go back to sleep.”
