I shook my head. “No, I’m not anything.”
He kissed my forehead, resting his cheek over my head, inhaling my scent. “Baby, what does that mean? What has you upset? Do you need something?”
I let out a cry as I tried to spit out the words. Technically, he didn’t need to know this, but I couldn’t leave him in the dark. Not as he held me through this moment.
He began to hum and rock, like I was a child in need of soothing. I continued to cry against his chest, while he held me tight.
“I didn’t even know I wanted it to be positive,” I said.
Until two minutes ago, I would have prayed for a negative, but now that it was, all I felt was the empty longing. I wouldn’t be having Erich’s child. “I really wanted your baby. Our baby.”
Erich stilled. “What?” His voice was quiet, his arms still held me. I was wrapped in his strength. His heart thumped against my ear. It sped up, almost matching pace with mine.
“Not… not to trap you. Not like that. Never mind.” I tried to scramble out of his arms. My words weren’t making sense. My emotions too high. It felt like an eternity since I had even taken that test. I couldn’t make sense of all the things running through my mind. I needed to get away before I said somethingincredibly stupid and ruined whatever it was that Erich and I had.
Erich held me tight, and he put his hand on my cheek and lifted my gaze to his. His fingertips ghosted over my skin, caressing me in the most gentle of touches.
“I— Baby, were you taking a pregnancy test?”
I nodded and sniffled. “We’re cautious, right? And I’m on the pill, but I felt off this past week, and so I panicked. I was discreet when I went and purchased—”
“I’m not worried about that. Why didn’t you tell me?” His brow furrowed, his voice so gentle as he spoke to me. “You could have called. I would have rushed home.”
I blinked back tears. “What was I going to say?”
“Anything,” he said. “I would have come home sooner. I would have been with you. You didn’t have to do this alone.”
“It’s not a big deal.” I started wiping my eyes. “It was negative, so nothing to worry about.”
The moment I’d seen just the one line, and then stared at the results window, willing another line to show up, it was like my heart dropped from my chest, my stomach tying itself in knots. I didn’t want an illegitimate child. Hell, I wouldn’t have said that I wanted any child, and yet… the fact that I wasn’t having Erich’s baby left me with such an immense level of sadness that myknees had gone weak, and I sat on the bathroom floor crying for way too long.
“It was negative?” he said.
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m not pregnant.”
“Oh,” Erich said, and his shoulders drooped.
“It’s a good thing,” I said.
“Is it?” he said. “It doesn’t feel like a good thing.”
“Your family doesn’t need a scandal, Erich. I can’t do that to you. To them. It would be so embarrass—”
“Our baby would not be a scandal,” Erich said with conviction.
“I—” I kissed him softly on the lips. “Thank you,” I said.
We lay back on the bed, Erich with his arms around me, me still plastered against him like he was my lifeline. He was, in that moment. I needed him more than air, something to ground me, to remind me that everything was fine. Life would go on. It might not look the same since this whole ordeal had been eye-opening. I knew now that what I felt for Erich was far more than that of a casual fling. If I’d paid any attention at all, I would have noticed before now. Instead, I let my fears keep me blinded.
“I would have liked to have your baby,” I said. The words came out clearly, though they were terrifying to even think, let alone voice out loud.
“I would have liked for you to have our baby,” he replied.
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t think of what this moment meant, if anything, and where the hell we could go from here. We had been lucky for the past several years that this was all fun and games, but it seemed now that it was so much more than that. Perhaps it had been for a long time. I let my heart get way too attached to this prince.
“We probably shouldn’t keep doing this,” I said.
Erich shushed me. “Get some rest, Jaq. We’ll talk when you wake up.”
