“Not good. You need to eat… Is the tea helping?”
“So, so.”
This time, he pulls away, but not before placing a kiss alongside the curve of my jaw. “Stay here, I got something for you.” I turn around, resting my arm on the back of the chair, watching him make his way towards the counter. “You have something for me?”
He nods. “I do. I read somewhere that Miso soup is good for your stomach. It helps replenish fluids and has pre-biotics. Very good stuff.” He turns around to face me and winks with a grin. “All in moderation, of course.”
“Since when do you cook?” I retort, not helping the smirk on my face. “And Miso soup? Really? Where did you learn this? Google?”
“Who said anything about cooking?” He shrugs, standing in front of the counter, pulling a plastic container out of a paper bag. “Plus… a man never shares his secrets. Now, let’s eat.”
I nod, turning around to enjoy this moment with him. Just us. Alone sharing a meal. The more time that passes, I wonder if this is how it always will be forus. Even after the baby comes, will this be our day-to-day life?I hope so. Growing up with him was everything, but getting old with him… well, that’s something to look forward to. And before I can stop voicing out my thoughts, Isaac’s voice cuts through them. “I was thinking of going back to my place, and…” He clears his throat, placing a white ceramic bowl in front of me and pouring the broth. My breath catches in my throat, and I swear I can hear my heart beating inside my ears as I whisper, “You were thinking?”
“You should come with me,” he blurts out nervously, the words slamming into me, not shocking. I mean I was thinking the same… I just have no words. My gaze lifts to meet his, and the sight is pathetic, in a cute way. The kind puppies will give you when they offer you a torn up slipper. He just stands there as if holding his breath, waiting for me to tumble it down on him. I don’t know if I’m there yet… I’m getting there, just haven’t arrived to where I need to be in order to take the next step. It does help to know he’s already thinking ahead to a future, and that settles my racing pulse.
“I — I,” I stammer softly, only to be stopped by a small shake of his head. “It’s an offer, not one you have to take right now.”
“Okay,” I mutter, watching as he places the biggest chunks of soft tofu within the broth. “Soy is good for you.” My heart squeezes in my chest. “How do you know?
He chuckles lightly. “I read it.”
“Baby books?”
“No, Google.”
I couldn’t help but feel joy knowing Isaac will no doubt be an amazing father, but would I be a good mother? I force myself not to think of it. Instead, I work all my courage into eating something that I’m sure is delicious, and dread it all coming back up. “Do you have any plans?”
He sits beside me, eating straight from the container. “I have a fight. It’s an early one, so I shouldn’t be gone too late.”
I clear my throat. “Fight?”
I was no stranger to his underground fights. I know that’s how he makes money. I personally just don’t like it. I hated it back then, and hate it even more now. We almost died, and it’s so dangerous. And by the look on my face, my features are screaming everything my thoughts are. “It’s not a forever thing, just enough for now. I need it.”
Bringing the bowl towards my mouth, I take a long sip of the warm broth. It’s savory, earthy, and has slightly sweet tones due to the fermented soybeans. And there’s also a deep, rich flavor of umami. It’s so good. I could cry. I hope I can keep it down. My eyes snap open, and sure enough, there he is, staring at me with adoration that sends tingles through my body. “Is it good?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
We eat in silence and watch some reruns of Jersey Shore for a little bit before heading back into the room and getting ready. Isaac is the first to head out. Leaving me in the silence of the room we are sharing in our parents’ house. It was supposed to be his, yet here we are. Nixie is away for a school trip, so the house feels quiet. Too quiet. I can’t say I’m a fan of it.
Looking at my phone screen, I notice the time and instantly dread how quickly the time to go is approaching. Not that I mind being around Alexa, I’m just not sure if I mind being around others. Part of me wants to text her and rain check. Another part—that small part that’s tired of feeling like a shell of a person, screams to go. Be free. I’m free.
I let out a long sigh before putting on something that fits me loosely. Black jeans that don’t dig into my waist, and a white baby doll top that doesn’t feel too tight around my breasts. And plan to top it with one of Isaac’s old varsity jackets that should hide the slight swell at my belly. Or I hope so. I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell my best friend the truth, or at least confirm what the news already shared. Guilt tugs at my heart as I recall her voice as she asked me if what they said in the news was correct. How the couple wanted a baby and, with a shaky voice, asked if Iz and I were forced to get pregnant.
I never confirmed it, but also didn’t deny it.
I lay on the bed, tucking my arms beneath my head, trying to keep my mind from wandering to that basement. To Harry and the sensation of having him inside me. Disgust churns low in my belly, blending with the queasiness I already feel. From the room, I hear the front door open and the loud steps. I’m positive it’s Alexa. Who would have thought that trauma would have you picking up things such as the sound of someone walking, but here I was jolting upright and forcing myself to be okay. Alexa doesn’t knock as she barges into the room, wearing a tight green dress and tan knee-high boots, with a chestnut-colored chapeau resting over her blonde waves. She freezes, the sight of me standing in a space I’m sure smells like Iz must have caught her off guard. I wait for her disapproval, but she just gives me a displeased look, not with animosity, but one that screams, what the fuck.
“Bitch, you look fucking pale,” she says a moment later. “Let’s go fix that.”
I roll my eyes, grab the varsity jacket, and slip it on. “Thanks for the compliment.”
She laughs with a shrug. “What are friends for? Ready for some fun, you just need some fresh air that isn’t saturated with trauma. Let’s go.”
Lex hooks her arm in mine and drags me out of the room. Mom peers around the corner of the living room. “Have fun! Be safe.”
The words have the ground spinning beneath me, blood rushing to my ears, and tingles rushing to my hands, causing them to shake. Alexa smiles as she dramatically addresses her, “I’ll have her home by midnight, Mrs. Vargas.”
