Taking a seat across from her, my eyes wander to the window and notice the empty spot in the driveway. I wonder where he went. Softly, I blow on the steam. I woke up alone this morning, and he wasn’t here.Why did he leave so early?My thoughts are interrupted by a blue butterfly fluttering by. Its small wings are battling against the small draft of wind. A shiver runs through me. It looks cold outside, despite it almost being late spring. I can’t believe how much time has passed already. My free hand absentmindedly moves towards my center. It was late fall, almost winter, when it all happened. My phone buzzes on the table, and a sigh of disappointment escapes my lips when I see the message is from Lex and not Iz.
Lex:
I’m so happy u decided to come out. We will have fun!
Fun….
Will I have fun? Where’s Isaac?Why did I agree to this… I mean, the plans were made days ago… And today, well, I’m just simply not in the mood. My thoughts become muddled and full of questions. I can’t even consider having fun or going out. When I feel him drifting away… almost as if he’s hiding something from me. The thought makes my lips close in a thin line.
“It’s okay to ask about him,” Mom mutters softly, trying to act cool as a cucumber, normalizing my thing with Iz. Bless her, she’s been nothing butsupportive and loving, as always, maybe even more so now. The only problem isme…I just don’t feel comfortable discussing things with her, not about this. Maybe one day, just not today. Mom looks at me with amusement, waiting for me to spill the tea. I can’t help but toy with her. Feigning confusion, I move my gaze towards her way and ask. “Who?”
She shakes her head, a smile curling her lips. “He’s with Nelson. He didn’t want to wake you. Something about having a good night with no nightmares.”
I hum and drink a small sip of tea. Enjoying the warmth that seeps into me. “I’m gonna go out with Lex.”
Mom inches forward, her eyes beaming joy, crinkling from the smile on her face. “Yeah?” It’s been a hot minute since I’ve been out for leisure. Sure, I go out for appointments or when I need to, but for fun… Not since that night. The happiness that radiates from her is contagious enough for me to even sound enthusiastic when I reply, “I think it’s good. A start for sure.”
She hums, nodding in approval as she squeezes my hand. “It’s gonna be great.”
I don’t answer, I cup the warm mug in my hand and blow off the steam before taking the smallest drink of tea. The taste of mint and spice fills my mouth, the soothing flavour bursting through my taste buds and senses. It feels like comfort. My eyes close as the liquid works its way down my queasy stomach when the rumble of the Camaro has them fluttering open. Even now, after so many years, the sound sends alarms through me, alerting me he’s near, which sends the butterflies in my core into a frenzy.
“Ahh, there they go.”
Yeah. There they go. From behind the window, I watch as Iz steps out of the Camaro, helping his dad bring out bags from the hardware store. My brows pull together in confusion. “What are they working on?”
“Not sure, they won’t even tell me.”
I nod, realizing maybe I’ve been overthinking… Maybe he isn’t hiding something terrible after all. Maybe this is a surprise for the… My trail of thoughts comes to a full stop. Quickly, I push the thought away and focus on today’s task, going outwith Lex. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her face-to-face, and I can’t help but feel awkward. She doesn’t know yet that I’m pregnant, and I’m not sure how to tell her. Sometimes I don’t know if I even want to go there. Isaac’s presence sucks up the air around us when he walks into the kitchen. My world orbits him, focusing on the lazy grin on his face.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
We don’t need to say anything, our eyes say it all. I bite down on my lip and focus my attention back to the cup of tea that’s really working miracles in my stomach. Mom rises from her chair, ushering my stepfather out of the kitchen like she has somewhere to be. My guess is that she doesn’t. She’s only giving us privacy. “Nelson. Let’s go look at that thing.”
My stepfather clears his throat. “Qué cosa? What thing?”
“Ah, come on.”
That was painful to watch. Thankfully, it didn’t take long for them to leave or for the kitchen to be quiet. Now it’s only us. Maybe it’s time for us to take the next step and leave our parents. I know he still has his place, and well… I’m in between. It’s not like I can go back and live with Max. I can feel him approaching, the heat of his stare on me causing my body to break out in goosebumps. “How long have you been awake?”
“Long enough…”
“Mmm. Is that so… How do you feel?”
“A little less tired. You?
“Same…” Guilt claws at me. Knowing very well I’m the reason for his lack of sleep. I take a deep breath in and mutter, “I’m going out.”
“Yeah?”
Strong arms envelope me, and it takes everything in me to center myself. This is new. Even though I trust him, I love him, welcome him, my body tenses, expecting danger instead of safety. I have to literally remind myself it’s just him. It’s only a second of panic, and even that feels too long. I shouldn’t be like that with him. Ihate it. What I hate the most is that he accepts it. Saying something like,‘it’s just one of those things you can’t help.’I think I should be able to help it, but I digress. “She should be here around five.”
“It’s midday… I guess there’s a little room for me.” He takes a deep breath of me while running his nose along my neck, sending sparks through me. Instantly, my body melts into the seat and his arms around me. “Did you eat?”
I shake my head.No. “Nauseous.”
I also leave out that on top of feeling sick, I’m also cramping a little bit more than I have in the last couple of days. After some light spotting and cramping, the doctor reassured us that it’s normal, another situation of things that just sometimes happen. I should tell him. I hate keeping things from him, but he looks at me like a lost puppy, unsure which way to take. It’s hard to give him even more things to concern himself with. He already takes on so much. Isaac lets out a sigh, his breath hot against my skin.
