I nod. “Yeah.” There’s a long pause, the words just lingering in the space between us. “How do you feel now?”
“Safe?” The words fall from my mouth like a breath. Easy and honest.
“You feel safe?” he asks softly.
I nod. “Only with you.”
He wraps his arm around me and pulls me deeper into him. Little by little my body gives away, relaxing in his embrace. I don’t fight it when he lies on the bed. I’m so tired. My arms wrap around his neck, and his snake around me like a vine. Everything aligns perfectly. Like he was made for me and I for him. In the darkness of the room, we just hold on to each other like we never want to let go. Breathing each other in like our own personal brand of oxygen. Tenderly, he brushes his nose against mine, making my body shudder. “I’m scared.”
“Why?” he whispers, pulling away to see my face as he brushes loose strands of hair away from my face.
“Everything,” I reply softly, my fingers tracing the sharpness of his jaw. “Mom knows I’m pregnant.”
“So does my dad.”
My body tries to jolt upright, but it’s held down by Isaac, who looks at me with nothing but adoration. Even in the darkness, I can feel it. Strong and unyielding. “Shh, it’s okay,” he whispers against my temple. “There’s nothing we can do about the things that happened, but I’d rather not pretend that things didn’t change.”
Blood rushes into my ears. “I… I…”
He places a soft kiss on the tip of my nose. “Your choice, always. I blurted it out in a heated moment. It doesn’t change anything.” I nod in agreement. I couldn’t be mad at him, when I also told my mother. He needed his father just like I needed my mom. My hand moves to his cheek. “What happens now?”
“I don’t know. I’ll follow your lead, and we can just figure things out together. It doesn’t have to be today. If you couldn’t tell already, I’m a very patient man. I’ve waited all these years, and I will wait more if I have to.”
I don’t respond, but I pull him closer. My leg drapes over his hip, and I feel the urge to claim him. To erase every unwelcome touch on my body and replace it with his. I grind into him. Risky, but when he groans, I know it’s welcome. “Ronnie,” he breathes. It’s a question… the way he says my name. Déjà vu. It’s like it’s my first time, and we’re back inside the Camaro. I don’t reply with words. Instead, my response comes in the form of a kiss. My lips brush against his, feeling his body shudder from the contact. The warmth of him sinks into my bones in a way that makes the panic in my chest loosen enough for something else to slip through—want.
Need.
Something quieter, awakened by the shattered pieces of me. Something aching that demands to be soothed. His warm breath fans against me as we deepen the kiss, causing the hair on my neck to rise. We kiss until I’m high off him, floating as his tongue gently glides against mine. He groans into my mouth when I shift. My body slides right over him and straddles him in one go. His nails dig into my hips painfully before he pulls away. His eyes wide, his full lips parted and swollen. “Ronnie, you don—” I roll my hips over his length, his words fading into a whimper. “Fuckkk…”
My body is moving, my mind drifting somewhere between euphoria and madness. A place I decide I want to be in. “What do you need, Ronnie?” he whispers through gritted teeth. “Tell me.”What do I need?I’m not sure. I’m not thinking that far ahead. Fuck. I’m sure there’s no logical reason why I’m doing this after going through everything we went through. Sex is the last thing I should want… but this is all I want. Right now, all I want is him. The realization has me grinding into him. Isaac’s breath catches, the sound sharp and pained like he’s already halfway undone by the simple act of me choosing him.
“Ronnie…” his hands hover at my thighs, not touching, and still I can feel the tremble from his restraint. “Baby, you don’t have to—”
“I know,” I respond, my voice barely making it out. “I just… I need you. I need to feel something good. Please.”
His hazel orbs soften in the darkness, heat and heartbreak intertwine as he swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing from the act. “Take whatever you need,mami, use me…”
That’s all the permission I need for my fingers to curl around the hem of his white tee and push it up, revealing his warm, inked skin and ribs that have hardened from weeks spent in survival. His hand finally lands on my hips, not to guide me or force me. He just holds me there. “I’m yours.”
My mind clashes with my emotions. A war, destined to destroy me. Memories of Harry try to drag me back to the darkness of my mind. My body tenses, freezing over him. I’m no longer here, instead I’m back there. My lungs expand harshly, filling themselves with mildew. “Stay with me,” a small voice beckons me like a light. The ground spins beneath me, I blink away the basement, and the warmth of Isaac’s skin is all I feel. Soft fingertips trace lazily, moving over the skin of my thighs, his hands abandoning my hips and bringing me out of the darkness. I step into the light with a small gasp of my lips.
“Iz.” His name falls from my lips, a plea for what? I don’t necessarily know. Pressure builds behind my eyes, liquid spills from the corners, and small drops land on his skin. “Ronnie,” he breathes, and something inside me splinters. “I’mhere.” His fingertips trace the inside of my thigh, slow and patient. Reminding me he’s here, not him.
That he’s mine.
I blink, and more tears roll down the bridge of my nose. Biting down on my lip, I hold back the sob working its way up my body. “I don’t want to freeze,” I whisper, my voice shaky and small. So foreign to me, that’s the part I struggle with. The way I no longer recognize myself. “Don’t let me freeze.”
More like, don’t let me forget me, but I don’t say it aloud. He carries so much burden, the last thing I want to continue to do is pile more on him, because I know he will take it. Isaac sits up just enough to frame my face in the palm of his hand, his thumb brushing away as if wiping something sacred. “Then don’t,” he murmurs. “Stay here, always come back. I’m right here. You’re right here. It’s okay to give yourself time. It takes time, baby.”
“Time,” I repeat. As if time isn’t the very thing we were almost stripped of. The very thing we’ve done is nothing but a waste; it’s not his fault. “I’m tired of waiting,” I whisper as I roll my hips against him, a slow and deliberate movement. He groans a deep and guttural sound that vibrates against his chest. I press my forehead into his, inhaling the scent of him.
I breathe him in like oxygen. Fill my lungs with his scent like smoke.
Even still, the feeling fractures, and darkness spills into it. Staining and corrupting the movement. I crash my lips into his, not rushed but not slow either. My tongue swipes against his lips, demanding to let me in. He obliges, opening up to let me in. Our tongues slide against each other, my tears mingling with the taste of us. Grinding slowly against him, his hand snakes up my spine, curling at the base of my neck as he deepens the kiss, swallowing the sounds working up my throat. Iz pulls away from me just enough that I can see into his eyes. “You don–”
I cut him off with a kiss, but he pulls back again, a silent plea to reconsider. “Please."
“I want this,” I whisper, almost breathless, leaning forward and kissing his jaw. Peppering kisses along the bone before making my way down his neck and softlynipping at the skin. His fingers dip into my skin, nails biting into my flesh. The sting is a welcome sensation that has blood rushing to my clit. He stops for a moment, still questioning what we are doing, and it pains my heart to use him this way. To see the confusion in his gaze overpowering his need. “You said you would help.”
