I look around us, the brightest room in the house—fairy lights, movie posters, soft blankets, and too many stuffed animals. Of course she would want Ronnieto sleep with her. After we moved out, our parents downsized. There are only three rooms in the house, and it would be weird for us to sleep in the same room. “ I assumed that, since she’s in here and there are only three rooms,” I taunt my younger sister, who snorts and holds my gaze.
“I’m not leaving her,” Nixie says softly, reaching for Ronnie’s hand and tugging her towards her. “That’s okay, I won’t be leaving either of you,” I respond just as we are called down for dinner.
Chapter Thirty Three
Veronica
The moment I step into our parents’ home, my eyes prickle with tears as the smell of food and spice fills my lungs. My breath grows slower as I hold back the dam, holding on by a thread. My body moves in slow, languid movements through the space, my finger tracing down the cabinet. My eyes carefully scan the pictures that adorn the top of it, taking in all the memories that they evoke. How I wish things could go back to simpler times. To a time where the old me still exists…
Everyone moves towards the center of the house, while I linger at the entrance, feeling the concerned stare of Isaac that makes the hair on my neck rise. There’s movement behind me, soft shuffles and whispers, before her scent invades the space. “Mom…” I choke out, feeling her hand gently rest on my shoulder, both of us looking at the picture in my hand. It’s one of us—Nixie, Isaac, and I—sitting on the front steps of our old house while each of us devoured an ice cream cone. The sight brings on nostalgia. “How did you know you were ready?”
My mom freezes in place. I can feel the confusion in her gaze even though I don’t turn to see it. My free hand moves towards my womb, my heart slowing into a steady rhythm. “How?”
“Veve,” she breathes out, as her arms wrap around me in a tight embrace. The answer didn’t come with words but with arms. The dam breaks, allowing salty tears to stream down my face and pour into her skin. “I’m so sorry…” I whimper. “Mommy…”
She runs up and down the length of my spine as she weathers the storm with me. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Veve. Nothing.”
Her words are meant to reassure me. Should comfort me. So why do I feel so ashamed?So dirty?My shoulder drops, my breath hitching with each pained sob. Each one lowering me deeper into my mother's chest. The pain is bearing me down to a little girl who needsher mommy.
My eyes feel puffy from all the crying. After having a heart-to-heart with my mother, I took a small nap. Hunger pains strike, making me nauseous as I slowly creep down the stairs. My mouth waters the moment I set foot in the dining room. Dinner smellsamazing, which tells me my mom didn’t cook, but my stepfather did. It’s not fancy, yet my eyes water at the sight. It’s so stupid, really. It’s only rice, beans, and roasted chicken. However, the second the scent hits me, something inside my chest twists.
This is the first real meal we’ve had since the basement.
No more sandwiches, bananas, or boiled eggs.
Iz grabs my hand and drag me to sit before pulling the chair away from the dinner table and motioning for me to sit down. “Eat and relax,” he orders while sliding into the chair beside me. His gaze lingers, looking for the cracks… I give him a meek smile, tucking a loose curl behind my ear before turning away. Nixie takes the other spot beside me, and a sense of peace washes over me. My gaze lingers on her for a moment. Taking in the small sparkle in her eyes. Making me realize how precious life is. Her innocence, something I cherish and would kill to protect. My little sister has been glued to my side like a barnacle, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Reaching over, I grab her hand, making her look at me with a grin. I squeeze her hand and give her a grin of my own. Our parents buzz around us as they finish setting the table before taking a seat. Mom smiles, holding her husband’s hand as if it would stop her from crying when she looks at us. Her brown eyes glistening with unshed tears, her voice cracking a little when she says, “Let’s eat.”
There are no prayers. No speeches.
Just hunger and the sounds of cutlery.
I nearly cry when I take a bite out of the meat, the flavor bursting on my taste buds. Complete utter euphoria spreads through me. The feeling has my lids closing as I chew softly, savoring each bite, unlike Isaac, who tears into it like a starved man. My eyes flutter open only to be met by his devoted stare. A crooked smile plays on his lips that makes my toes curl underneath the table and my skinprickle with heat. I drink him in, noticing the dark circles under his eyes, the hollowness of his cheeks due to the weight loss. My heart clenches inside my chest. I didn’t realize how starved we were until now. I turn away, trying not to make him feel uncomfortable. I bite back the tears, my jaw trembles as I chew mindlessly on the tender chicken. I swallow hard and fast, trying to push down the lump in my throat along with the chewed-up food. My mouth goes dry in an instant, reaching for the glass of passion fruit juice and almost causing the cup to tip over on the table due to the shake in my hand. Thankfully, it’s intercepted by Isaac’s hand.
Of course, he would notice my discomfort but doesn’t baby me or anything. He just swallows and takes another bite of his food, silently encouraging me to continue eating. Pretending he didn’t see my hand shake, or that he just didn’t stop my cup from falling over and making a mess. I take a large sip of the sweet, fruity drink and continue eating in silence. Just for a moment, my mind goes blank, leaving just the taste of the food and the comfort of my family, and I couldn’t help but drown in that feeling.
“This is so good,” I hum out, not being able to contain it much longer. “Soo…good.”
“I’m glad it is. We made it with love,” is all my stepfather replies, while my mother tries her hardest not to break down. Her silence is the only thing holding her together. I’m not even sure why, but the words tumble out of my lips. “No eggs ever,” I add, beginning to tear down the rest of my food, not bothering who’s looking. No one questions why. It’s like everyone understands. And for that, I’m thankful. My only goal now is to eat until I no longer can.
The family room is illuminated by the muted glow coming from the TV. The house is quiet… comfortable, not the kind of quiet that would eat at my mind back in the basement. After eating and cleaning up the kitchen, we all gathered around the large flat screen in the main room and watched Twilight. Of course, Iz and Nelson complained for most of it, until drowsiness won, and eventually Mom and Nelson left for their rooms. A small snore drags me out of my thoughts, my gaze landing on my sister, who sleeps peacefully on the couch. The weight of her body, slumped against mine, makes me feel grounded.Serene. My fingers play with loose strands of her hair while she peacefully snores.
“You should bring her to bed,” I mutter softly. Without hesitation, Iz rises to his feet. Isaac lifts our sister into his arms, bringing her to her bedroom and tucking her in bed. I follow behind him, pacing around, unsure what to do. Mom is in her room. Nix is asleep, and while I could just take the sleeping medicine I was prescribed and simply go to sleep beside my little sister. I just can’t. There’s so much going through my head.
I’m pregnant, and while the medicine should be safe for me to use, I just can’t bring myself to take it. Maybe it’s the idea of being rendered helpless that has my body screaming. Or maybe it’s the idea of not sleeping by Iz that has every nerve within me buzzing with unease.Pregnant…The word settles in my core, causing me to shift from side to side, toying with the hem of my shirt. My gaze tracks Isaac through the room. I lean into the doorframe, my hand cupping the side of my head, trying to silence my thoughts.
“You okay?”His voice pulls me out of my spiral, anchoring me to this room. My eyes lift to his, and there’s concern written all over them. “I am. I don’t think I can sleep, not without you,” I answer truthfully. I don’t know why I feel so nervous, but I do.What can I say?I feel the safest when he’s around. I know it’s wrong for us to fall into each other’s arms… things should be different for us out here. Yet every part of me doesn’t want them to be. I want to sleep knowing he’s right there, and with the look on his face, he feels the same.
“What do you need?” he asks without any hesitation. “Just say what it is and it’s done.”
“Will you stay up for a bit? Until I fall asleep?”
“Anything you need,” he softly replies, before grabbing my hand and walking out of Nixie’s room with me in tow, marching us straight into the spare room meant for him down the hall. Once inside, he closes the door as I walk towards the bed and sit. He lingers by the door for a moment, just observing me before he saunters over, taking a seat beside me. The proximity between us makes me feeldizzy, warmth spreading through my ice cold veins. For a moment, neither of us speaks. We just sit there. Our fingers threading together before I lean into him. Reminding myself he’s real.This is real. We are truly free.
My pulse skyrockets along with my breathing. Honestly, I’m scared. Not of him, but of it all disappearing. That this is just a dream and my mind is only playing tricks on me. I’m afraid that it will slip away from my grasp before I have a chance to close my hand around it. Tension pours out of me, making me feel lighter by the second, it doesn’t take long for my head to fall onto his shoulder, making him sigh at the contact. “What’s on your mind?”
“I don’t know…” I mutter, exhaling a shaky breath. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe it’s real.”
“Us, escaping?”
