I can’t help the curl on my lips at his words, despite our situation. There’s just this chemistry between us that makes it hard not to match his energy. I let out a deep breath, trying to compose my thoughts. “I wasn’t thinking about much, at least not now.” I shake my head, carefully thinking about what I say next. “Honestly, I was wondering if I was a bad person….” I stop before I can finish my sentence.
Isaac furrows his eyebrows, contemplating my words. “Why do you think that?”
I bite my lip, hesitating for a moment. My heart throbs in my chest, and my skin feels like I have thousands of insects crawling on it, making me itch. My mouth feels drier than usual as I say, “I saw you and Priscilla today. You seemed to be enjoying it, and for a second, I envied you. I hated that while I’m being held down and raped, you can find pleasure in your own.” Isaac lets out a heavy sigh before dragging a hand down his face as if gathering his thoughts before speaking.
“I wish you didn’t have to see that,” he says with a tinge of sadness in his voice. “I don’t enjoy it, not really. I’m just trying to survive, to keep us both going. It’s as much about desperation as anything else. We’ve both had to do things we never thought we would in order to endure. I wish there was another way, but we have no choice.”
He’s not wrong.
There was a time when I rejected the idea of being with somebody else. Then Max came along. There’s a pang in my stomach, making my already dry mouth drier. I feel pain at the realization, as his words resonate with me, and I find myself nodding in agreement. It’s a difficult one, yet necessary. We’re both living in ourown hells, and the only way to survive is to find a way to coexist in this broken world.
“Ronnie, anyone that I have ever touched has been to escape. A way to outrun my love for you. Nothing works because all I ever wanted was you. I’m just surviving as I have been. So, to answer your question, no, you’re not a bad person.”
I nod, trying to accept his words. But it’s hard to shake off the feeling of helplessness, knowing that our captors have the upper hand and the world outside seems so far away. I’m at a loss for words even as he looks at me for a response, anything that can give him an opening, and as much as I want to do that, I don’t. His eyes crinkle painfully, and after a brief moment of silence, he adds, “We’re survivors, not monsters. We’re doing whatever we have to in order to stay alive. That doesn’t make us bad people. That doesn’t make you bad or broken. I would gladly let them use me if it meant you wouldn’t have to.”
I let out a shaky sigh, trying to reconcile with his words. “Okay…” I say, not entirely convinced but ready to try and believe him.
“You know what we’re going to do?” Isaac asks, suddenly switching topics.
“What’s that?”
“Stop judging ourselves for how we survive. No one gets to do that. Not even us.”
I nod because what else am I supposed to say? To me, all hope is lost. We are chained up like animals, and both of us are being raped day after day. I don’t voice it. I don’t tell him that I’ve accepted my fate as a baby-making machine, nor my plan. If I please Harry, maybe he will be kinder. Maybe he won’t take so much pleasure in hurting me. Maybe if I’m nice enough, I could be granted to stay alive. We sit in silence, the dampness of the basement seeping into our bones. I try to hold onto Isaac’s hope because, at this point, I don’t have any left. I’m not sure if I can find the strength to believe in a future that seems so far out of reach, but I don’t want to let Isaac down. He’s the only reason I’ve been able to endure this nightmare, and I know I can’t give up on us.
“Iz, how do you do it?” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Do what?”
“Escape?”
He shrugs, dragging his gaze from me and directing it towards the small window. “I don’t know, my body is here, and I cling to that. What I can feel is not inside, just the simulation.”
“Mmm,” I hum, echoing, “Simulation.”
“Don’t worry your pretty head with what I do.” His words snap me out of the pitiful spiral I’m surely in. “I have a plan so you won’t have to escape. Not if I can help it.”
My head tilts, questioning him silently. “A plan?” I ask him softly, and he nods—a small smirk spreading across his face. “It’s a long shot, but just stay with me. I got us. I promise.”
The determination in his voice is enough to spark a small ember of hope inside me. I need to hold onto this. “Okay, I’ll keep swimming.”
Isaac’s eyes light up with relief and gratitude. “That’s my girl. We’ll make it out of here, I can feel it.”
“What’s our next move?”
Isaac’s face scrunches, and he points at his cock. “Fucking her till she falls in love.”
I laugh for the first time. I laugh so hard that tears fall from the corners of my eyes. “That’s your plan?”
He looks at me with a serious look on his face. “I’m being for real. If we can get them to flip on each other, we can get one of us free. Ronnie, if I get free and close to him, my hands are all I need. I can take him and free you, but I need to get into her first.”
I nod in agreement, forced to admit that his plan, though perhaps a little far-fetched, isn’t entirely unfeasible. It’s all we have, but what was the alternative? To give in to despair and let our captors win?
“We’re going to find a way out of here. I promise you that,” he says. “Even if I die trying, Trouble, I’ll get you out.”
I take a deep breath, my heart racing at the thought of such a daring plan. But I have to admit, it’s the first glimmer of hope I’ve felt in a long time. “Okay, Iz. Let’s do it then.”
Chapter Twenty One
