She’s shaking violently. “Blanket.” Her teeth are chattering. “In the trunk.” I retrieve the blanket and wrap it around her shoulders.
The car is slowly warming up. I reach for my cell phone and call Mrs. Roberts to let her know I found Jess. It rings almost as soon as I hang up. A number I don’t recognize comes up. The voice on the other line sounds as terrified as I was. “Did you find her?”
I’m not positive, but I’m guessing the voice belongs to Stephens. “Yeah, she’s with me.”
“I knew I should have made her come with me.”
Definitely Stephens.
His voice becomes more formal. “Thank you for finding her. I’ll start driving right now. Tell Jess I’ll be there by morning.”
“You don’t need to do that. Jess is fine. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her.” I take some sadistic pleasure in saying that and in the click of my phone as I close it.
She’s watching me.
I feel guilty. “I’m sorry. Did you want to talk to him?”
She shakes her head. “Why are you here? You should hate me.”
I put my hand on her shoulder. “I could never hate you, Jess.”
“I can’t believe you came. How do you always know where I am and when I need to be rescued?”
Because you mean more to me than you’ll ever know.
I can’t make myself say those words. “I wasn’t there when you really needed me. I wasn’t there when Matt died.”
She stares out the window. “There was no way you could have been. And I was the one who deserted you.”
I can’t argue with that.
The car is finally getting warm. Warm enough that the windows are fogging up. I think of the irony of sitting in a secluded spot on New Year’s Eve in a parked car with fogged-up windows, and Jess.
She’s still staring out the window. I lean over the gearshift and wrap my arm around her shoulder. “Why were you out here in the rain for so long?”
She draws circles on the window of the car with her finger. I don’t expect her to answer, but she does. “They were all talking about Gage at the baby shower. Telling funny stories, things they remembered about him from the Christmas he was here and when we were little kids. They were all laughing, and then they were all crying. Jasmine got close to hysterical. She couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t do either.”
“Either?”
She looks at me, her eyes dull. “I didn’t laugh, and I didn’t cry. I knew Gage longer than any of them, but I couldn’t cry.” She turns back to the window. “I can’t cry over Matt either. It’s like nothing is real anymore. I thought if I came here, if I saw the headstone, if I saw his name, then I might feel something. It didn’t work. I can’t even feel the cold.”
I don’t know what to say. I reach for her hand under the blanket. I take it between my hands, bring it to my lips, and blow warm air on her fingers.
She doesn’t pull away. “I’m like one of those stones out there. Nothing gets through.” She shakes her head. “Nothing but anger and hate. Like what I said to you.”
I keep her hand in mine. She’s looking at the floor. I want to reach over and touch her face, trace her lips with my fingers. Kiss her.
Is it wrong that I’m thinking about kissing her when she’s like this? Maybe if I kiss her, I can make the block of ice around her heart melt. Only I’m not some prince in a fairy tale.
She pulls her hand from mine. Her face is closed off again, like she let too much out in her confession. “Thanks for coming after me. I think I’m warm enough to drive home now.”
“Not yet.” I don’t move. I’m much happier where I am now than I was in my previous situation. I’m content to sit here all night, just watching her. She reaches up and tucks her hair behind her ear. I realize she’s still wearing the earrings I gave her. My heart surges for a second. I squash it down. She probably forgot she had them on.
I glance at the clock on the dashboard. Twelve-fifty. The year changed without either of us noticing. “It’s 2006. Happy New Year, Jess.”
She voluntarily touches my hand. “I hope this one is better.”
“Can I ask you a question?” She looks away, but she nods. “Are you going to go to Korea with Stephens?”
