She pulls her hand away from mine. “I don’t know.”
“Are you in love with him?”
She shakes her head. At first I think she’s saying no, but then she says, “I told you, Jacob. I don’t feel anything."
forty-three
Addition
February 2005
I’ve always hated hospitals. Mom has worked in one for years, as a surgical nurse. I’ve only been to that hospital a few times. I’ve been to this one once before, to get my head stitched after a run-in with Jess’s old boyfriend and a bat. Every time I look in the mirror, the scar over my eye reminds me of her.
Everything reminds me of her. Even this.
I got the call last night. Mom, squealing, “Jasmine’s water broke. The baby is coming.” All night she kept calling with updates. More information than I needed to know.
Now, fifteen hours later, the little guy is here—Gage’s son. Weird that he has a kid before me, a kid he'll never have the chance to meet.
Jasmine is on the phone when I come in. She looks good, for just having a baby. She’s even wearing makeup.
There are a couple of pictures of Gage on the side table, one of him in his uniform, one of him and Jasmine together from her high school prom. A little rag doll, dressed in camo is sitting beside the pictures. Where the face should be is a picture of Gage. It takes a second before I realize it's one of the dolls the Army gives kids when one of their parents is deployed.
Steve is in the corner in a chair, looks like he’s asleep. Jasmine’s mom is in the other corner. She doesn't look happy. My mom is all smiles, bouncing around the room, holding a bundle of blankets.
She beams when she sees me. “Come meet your nephew.” She hands me the bundle. He’s so tiny. I’m worried about breaking him. A little red face with a crushed red nose and brown eyes stare up at me. I wonder if his nose is going to stay like that.
Mom squeezes my shoulders. “Doesn’t he look just like Gage?”
To me, he looks like a baby, but I don’t disagree with her. I’m thinking of how Angel had suggested a paternity test when she found out Jasmine was pregnant—so you don't get too attached and find out it's not really his baby.
“Steven Gage Ricks,” Mom says. I catch a dark look from Jasmine’s mom, across the room. “But we’re calling him Stevie, Gage’s idea.”
I hand the baby back to my mom and cross the room to give Jasmine a hug. She’s off the phone now. “Congratulations.” It's all I can think of to say. I hand her a little gift bag, something Becky picked out for me.
“Thanks.” Jasmine dabs at her eyes with a rumpled bit of tissue. “Sorry. It’s been an emotional day.”
I stand up and look around the room, wondering how long I’m required to stay. This whole thing makes me sad.
“We’re going over to the Roberts’ later,” Mom says. “They invited us for dinner. They wanted you to come.”
I shrug and don't meet her eyes. “I have plans tonight.”
Mom raises her eyebrows but doesn’t press for more. “Come by early Sunday. You can visit before you take us to the airport. I’m sure Juli won’t mind.”
"Maybe." It’s easier if I don’t tell her I haven’t been back to the Roberts’ house since I dropped Jess off early on New Year’s Day. There was still a lot I wanted to say to her, but she wasn't in any state to talk then. When I went by the next morning to check on her, Michael's car was in the driveway, so I didn’t stop.
Tyler catches me as I’m taking Mom’s suitcase out to my car. I came late so I could get in and out without talking too much. “I found some parts for the Nag I want you to look at.”
I hoist the bag into my trunk. “I’m pretty busy.”
Tyler gets in my way as I try to grab the next bag. “I know you don’t want to come here anymore, but I’m desperate. I’m taking an advanced auto class this semester, and we have to do a big project to pass. Dad doesn’t know what he’s doing. Besides, I’m tired of bumming rides off my friends.”
I give in. “Sure, Ty. I’ll help you. I’ll come by sometime next week.”
Mom kisses my cheek at the airport. She hasn’t mentioned Jess once this trip. I guess Mrs. Roberts filled her in. “Do me a favor and check on Jasmine. The first few weeks after bringing a baby home are really hard, especially for a single mom. I know her mom is staying with her for a few days. I’m not sure how long.”
“I will.” I hand Steve the bags and hug him too. It’s becoming the norm now, less uncomfortable for both of us.
