“I’m asking you if you’re still seeing Laini.”
He laughs. A nervous laugh? A guilty laugh? “I’m in Iraq. How could I possibly be seeing her?”
“You know what I mean.” I’m getting impatient. Is he trying to avoid the question? “Are you still talking to her?”
“Talking to... Laini? How can you think that? You know me better than that.”
But do I really know him? How can I be sure his confusion is genuine?
“The last I heard anything about Laini, she was coming to our house for dinner just before you left. You told me you broke up with her. Now I see her, and she acts like she hears from you all the time, like you’ve been calling her. What am I supposed to think?”
“You’re supposed to trust me. Besides, you know that was a lie. How often do I get to use the phone here? How often do I call you?”
“You got to it pretty fast after I sent that email.”
“I thought something was wrong, with you or at home.” He sounds irritated. “I didn’t know it was something so...”
“So stupid?” I finish for him.
“I didn’t say that.”
“But that’s what you’re thinking. Why don’t you just give me a straight answer, Jacob? Are you still talking to Laini?”
“No.” He says it firmly, but the irritation is still there. “I haven’t heard from her since I left. I might have gotten a Christmas card from her parents. I don't remember.”
“She knew about Mosul.”
“Everyone knows about Mosul. It was all over the news. Damn it, Jess. Don’t you trust me?” The edge in his voice is getting sharper.
“I thought I did. Now I’m not sure.” I'm suddenly that awkward little girl again, begging him for attention, unsure of what he thinks of me.
“Laini.” Her name comes out in an angry breath. “I don’t know what her game is. I don’t have time to deal with this. I’m trying to fight a war.”
“You mean you don’t have time to deal with me.”
He hesitates for a minute. “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” I close my eyes. I wish I hadn't emailed him. More than that, I wish I hadn't seen Laini. I wish I could push away the doubts swirling in my mind and just trust him.
“What about you?” I pick up on the edge of suspicion in his voice.
"Me?" Guilt prickles in my stomach.
"Yeah. You and New Years Eve. What exactly were you doing that you couldn't answer my call?"
Suddenly, I'm the one playing defense. I suck in a breath. "I told you where I was."
"But not the whole story, right? You gave me the where, but left out the who."
My thoughts flee in panic. I don't know how to answer that, so I don't say anything.
"The Army isn't as big as you think it is," Jacob says. "What am I supposed to say when some guy here sees my picture of you and says he saw you at a party with one of his friends on New Years?"
My heart pounds with guilt and fear, but my first reaction is to strike back. "You're supposed to trust me." I throw his words back at him. "It was a party with a friend. Am I supposed to put myself in cold storage until you come home?"
"I never asked you to do that," his voice is calm. The kind of calm that I know means he's mad. "I guess we never talked about it, whether or not this is an exclusive thing."
This? Thing?Is he trying to justify himself? I think about what Matt said about Jacob always having an extra girl on the side. Am I the extra girl?
