"And I guess I never asked younotto keep in touch with your old girlfriend. So I have no reason to be mad either."
“Jess, listen to me, I'm not..."
But I'm too worked up to stop. "She had you for four months. I got you for what? Four hours? Why shouldn't you still be talking to her?"
"Jess, stop." He swears under his breath. "This isn't working."
Fear slices into my chest. The line is quiet for a long time. Finally, I ask, "What's not working?" I choke back a shivering breath, "Us?"
“We need to—" Static comes through and then the line goes silent.
I grip the phone, willing his voice to come back, willing him to finish that sentence, wishing there was a way I could call him back—almost. I'm afraid of what he was trying to say.
Is he done with me? Is it over between us before things even got started, because I let Laini get to me, because I was jealous and immature?
Seeing her brought back a tidal wave of insecurities. Why would he want me when he could have her? Beautiful, polished, sophisticated—Laini can make me feel like a little kid without even trying—and she did.
My conversation with Matt keeps playing in my head.“If you mean that much to him, why did it take him so long to get rid of that other woman?” What if he hadn't really gotten rid of her?
And what about my "not" date with Michael? How did he find out about that? And so what if he did? It was all perfectly innocent. I lie on the bed, still holding the phone, still arguing in my head with myself, with Jacob, with Matthew, even with Laini. I can’t believe I got in a fight with Jacob, over the phone, in Iraq. I bury my head in the pillow and cry.
By the time the knock comes at the door, I’m cried out. I get up and peer through the peephole. For a second, I'm not sure if I should answer.
I try to sound normal as I open the door. “Michael. I didn’t think you were going to be here.”
“This is my unit leaving. I wanted to be here for the ceremony tomorrow.” He hugs me. If he realizes I’ve been crying, he doesn’t mention it. “It’s good to see you, Jess.”
I step back. “It’s good to see you too.” And it is good to see him, better than I thought it would be. Maybe better than it should be.
“I asked your parents if they wanted to come to dinner, but they’d rather stay here and eat in. Tyler is talking with a girl down by the pool, and Matt and Kendra are ‘unavailable’. Would you like to get something to eat with me?”
I hesitate for a minute, glancing at my phone on the nightstand.I need to get out and clear my head. “Sure,” I manage a weak smile. “Give me a minute to put on makeup and get changed.”
nineteen
No Angel
June 2005
“Mom’s cousins personify the word ‘redneck.’” Gage is sitting beside me in his parent’s car on the way back from the deployment ceremony. “Some of them actually have all their teeth.”
“Gage, be nice,” Trina says from the front seat. “Uncle Jack is really proud of you. He’s throwing this barbecue in your honor. He’s a nice guy. A little back-woods, but nice.”
“I can’t help but feel like we’re imposing on a family thing,” Mom says for the hundredth time.
“No imposition.” Trina shakes her head. “You guys are basically family. You took care of Jacob while he was at Fort Lewis. I’m glad to give something back.”
My heart hurts at the mention of Jacob. He didn’t call back, and I haven’t gotten an email from him in the last two days. Maybe he’s notin a spot that he can call or email, or maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me.
Rednecks maybe, but Trina's Texas cousins know how to throw a party. I half expect to see an entire cow roasting over a spit. There’s music and incredible food and a lot of hugging and slapping Gage and Matthew on the back.
Gage sits by me, polishing off a rib that would put even my dad’s to shame. “I can’t believe there are no girls here. How’s a guy supposed to go to war without someone to send him off?”
“There are lots of girls here.” I look around. There are more tank tops and cut-off jeans than I thought existed.
“Yeah, they’re all my cousins or aunts or some twice-removed relation.”
I poke him. “I thought you Southern boys were cool with the whole cousin thing.”
