"The best," I answer.
"I'm glad. I want details tonight. I have to get to class. I just wanted to tell you Michael called."
"Michael?" I ask. He's so far from my mind now that it takes me a second to register who she's talking about. "Why would he call?"
"I don't know, I mean, I assume it was Michael. The connection was terrible, so I couldn't tell who it was, but he sounded far away.
"What did he say?"
"Just,tell Jess I'm thinking of her.If you ask me, that's borderline creepy, especially since you broke up with him, but maybe he meantit in a friendly way." She stands. "I just thought you should know so you're prepared if he calls again."
"Thanks," I answer, hoping she doesn't notice the tremble in my voice.
seventy
Jacob: Orders
May 2007
“How’s it going, Jake?” Vincent’s voice behind me makes me jump. He laughs. “Man, you’ve been on edge lately.”
Bryan puts his hand on my shoulder. “He’s right, Jake, is there something going on that you’d like to share?”
He keeps prodding, trying to get me to spill something. So far I haven’t told anyone but Mom about the ring. She’s sworn to secrecy, and Mom is pretty good at keeping secrets. I’m avoiding the Roberts' house, Becky, and Jasmine—too much estrogen, too many prying moms.
My original idea was to do something romantic, like what Matt did. I had ideas about the barn loft or the beach near Jess’ house. But Jess is up to her neck in work and school. She won’t be coming home until her term ends at the end of next month. I haven’t gotten my ordersyet, but the rumor is that it will all happen pretty soon. I don’t want to run out of time.
I’m going to see her this weekend. I’m not sure what I’m going to do, how I’m going to ask her. I only know I have to do it soon, before I go crazy.
“I have something here that will either eliminate your stress or add to it.” Bryan hands me an envelope. “A summons from the Command Sergeant. He wants to see you in his office. It must have something to do with your promotion.”
I dress carefully for my meeting—every button, every badge in place, my shoes polished to a shine. He makes me wait outside his office long enough for me to be sweating by the time he calls me in.
He’s sitting behind a big desk. He stands and we exchange salutes. “Sit.” He says.
I sit while he makes a show of shuffling through some paperwork. “Sergeant Ricks,” he starts slowly, “I've gone over your service record and the notes from your commanding officers. Impressive. The word from the review board is in.” He slides a big paper envelope across the desk. “Congratulations, Staff Sergeant Ricks.”
“Thank you, sir,” I take the envelope and watch him, waiting to be dismissed.
“The advancement comes with a transfer,” he continues. “You’ll be joining a unit at Fort Bragg. You have a months to get things squared away here. Then they need you. They’re deploying to Iraq at the end of August. They’re glad to be getting someone who has your experience. I expect to hear good reports about you, Ricks.”
He stands and dismisses me with a smile and a clap on the shoulder, like he just did me a big favor.
I salute and walk out of the office in a daze. My head is spinning. All the plans I made, everything I'd counted on has changed.
Jess.
I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about what this means for her, what it will mean for us.
I pack for this trip to see Jess more slowly than I usually do. Through our phone conversations, she knows something’s bothering me, but I haven’t told her what it is yet. The ring feels heavy when I slide the little box into my glove compartment. This whole thing carries more weight since I talked to the Command Sergeant. Since I got my new orders. Since I found out I am going back to Iraq.
I thought about leaving the ring back at the barracks. I’m not sure if I should give it to her now. I don’t know if I should tie her to me now—the way that Matt tied Kendra to him before he left, or even the way that Gage tied Jasmine to him.
I feel the weight in my chest too. I know that this is going to crush her. I hate that I have to tell her this.
The drive to see her gives me too much time to think. A million times I think that I’ll take the ring back. That I won’t tell Jess anything about it. That I should leave without asking for a commitment. A million more times I think that I can’t leave without tying her to me. That I can’t leave without knowing she’ll be there when I come back.
seventy-one
