All the people who care for her. There was no question or doubt in Leah’s tone. She knew what she was saying to be true.
The only way she could have known of his feelings, he decided, was that Susan must have told her. And that meant Susan also knew.
And that, in turn, meant that Susan had left knowing how Norman felt. He had held out hope that perhaps she had left for some other reason, but now his fears were confirmed. She’d gone because she had recognized that he was falling in love with her, and she hadn’t wanted anything to do with that.
She told me all along that she didn’t want love. Of course, she left when she realized I was feeling it.
He couldn’t respond to what Leah had said. He couldn’t confirm or deny what she was suggesting. He held on to Susan’s hand all the more tightly. When she woke, she would send him away. Shewould tell him that she had already made her decision, that she’d left him, and there was nothing more to be said about it.
I know this, and yet I still want her to wake.
Marina returned to the room. She was followed by a maid who had a tray of sandwiches. The maid set the tray down on an end table, curtseyed, and hurried from the room with a skittish look at Norman.
“She’s intimidated by you,” Marina explained. “She has only ever served in this house. She’s not used to gentlemen of such high rank.”
“I’m still hardly used tobeinga gentleman of high rank,” Norman murmured. “A few years ago, it would have been unthinkable that anyone would find me intimidating.” He sighed and raked his free hand through his hair. “I don’t know why I accepted this role in society in the first place. The more time goes on, the more sure I am that I made a mistake.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” Leah said thoughtfully. “You have the bearing of a duke. And Susan tells me you are a kind man, and I believe that to be true. The noble classes could use more men with a bit of humanity in them. If someone was to inherit Heathmare, I am glad it was someone like you, Norman.”
She sat back in her chair and picked up the book she had been reading.
Norman pondered what she had said.
Was he a good man? He didn’t think so. Not especially. He was the man who had failed to honor the one request his wife had made of him and had thus driven her away.
But then there was the fact that he knew Leah had been tormented by a true monster to consider. He could never have beenthatkind of man. He supposed that was what she had heard from Susan—that he wasn’t a vile, malicious person. And although it seemed the very least a lady could possibly ask of her husband, he felt a faint surge of satisfaction at the knowledge that Susan had described him that way.
Their marriage was at an end. But at least, when she looked back on it, she wouldn’t remember him as someone to be despised. Perhaps she would even carry away some good memories with her. Maybe someday, in the far future, she would think of him kindly.
He bent over her and took her other hand in his, so that he was now holding onto both of them. “Susan,” he murmured. “I won’t try to wake you. But I want you to know that I am here by your side. I want you to know that… that I’m so sorry. For everything. And I will give you whatever you want.Whateveryou want. I will never attempt to entrap you in this marriage—I will set you free.”
Was it his imagination, or did he feel a slight increase in the pressure on his hand? As if she was gripping it? No, hemustbe imagining that. Even if she was waking up, she would never cling to him. If she knew he was here, she would push him away.
His stomach roiled with the conflict of it.
He wanted her to wake so badly. He wanted to see her, to speak to her. To see that she was going to be all right.
But the moment she opened her eyes, all of this would be over.
He took a breath and steeled himself as her eyelids began to flutter. “Susan?” he murmured. “Can you hear me?”
Now there was no mistaking it—she was certainly gripping his hand.
He swallowed hard. “Everything is going to be all right,” he said. “You’re going to be fine. All you need is some rest. And when you wake up…” He hesitated. Saying these words would make it all real, because for all he knew, she could hear him right now. “When you wake up, we will finish the process of annulling our marriage, just as you wanted. You don’t need to worry anymore. You will be free. I will honor your wishes.”
Her eyelids fluttered again—and opened.
That bright green. Sharper and more sparkly than he had ever seen it. She stared up at him for a moment, as if she was trying to figure something out.
He heard the sound of whispers behind him and knew the sisters were conferring, but he had eyes only for Susan. If he lookedaway from her, this moment would be over, and he might never be granted the chance to look into her eyes again.
“The annulment?” she murmured, and he hated that those were the first words she was speaking to him upon waking. But of course, she would address the thing that was most important to her. “Just as I wanted?”
“That’s right,” he choked, feeling as if he was cutting his heart out of his body.
She shook her head. “But… I’m not the one who wanted it,” she said, struggling to sit up. “I’m not the one who wanted to end this marriage. You are.”
CHAPTER 38
