Marina came hurrying forward and placed a hand on Susan’s shoulder, holding her in place. “Don’t get up, Sue,” she said. “You’re still weak. It’s good that you had a rest, but you need to give yourself more time to recover. When you feel ready, I’ll get you something to eat.”
She stopped trying to sit up, but she didn’t look in her sister’s direction. Her eyes were glued to Norman’s face.
His jaw had dropped slightly when she had spoken. Was it a surprise to see her awake? Or was it something else?
“I didn’t want an annulment,” he said.
“Yes you did,” she said.
“You’re the one who mentioned it to me,” he reminded her. “You’re the one who came to me and told me that you were going to leave. You told me not to try to get you to stay.”
She shook her head, feeling foggy and uncertain. “That isn’t what happened.”
“You don’t think you raised the subject with me first? Have you forgotten?”
“No, I mean…” She took a breath. “Marina, can you leave the two of us for a moment? I think there are some things we need to discuss.”
Marina frowned, but she nodded. “As long as you promise not to try to get out of bed.”
“I won’t let her get up,” Norman promised.
Ordinarily, Susan would have been annoyed at Norman’s suggesting that he had any control over what she did. But right now, it was touching. She saw that he meant to take care of her, and she wanted to accept that care.
Marina retreated. As she did, Susan saw Leah rise from a chair on the far side of the room. Leah met her eyes for a moment and smiled, as if she had seen something nobody else had. The two sisters left, closing the door behind them, and Susan and Norman were alone together once more.
Norman let out the heaviest sigh Susan thought she had ever heard. His whole body seemed to cave in on itself.
“Tell me what you mean,” he urged her.
“I know I was the one who suggested leaving,” she said. “And I know I didn’t give you much say in the matter.”
“You told me not to try to stop you,” he said.
“But I didn’t do that. I told you that you couldn’t compel me to stay against my will, but I did think you wouldaskme to stay. I hoped you would tell me I was wrong when I called it a loveless marriage.”
“You wanted a loveless marriage,” he reminded her. “I don’t understand this. You are the one who said all of these things, Susan. You’re the one who mentioned an annulment. You’re the one who said there was no love between the two of us. And if that isn’t what you wanted, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t talk to me instead of running away from me. Why didn’t you tell me your desires had changed, if they had? I never wanted you to go. Didn’t you…” He trailed off, then seemed to resolve something. “Didn’t you notice that I kissed you? What did you take that to mean?”
She shook her head. “A kiss is just a kiss,” she said. “There are things that mean more.”
“Things like what?”
She closed her eyes. “I heard you talking to your aunt,” she said softly. “I heard what the two of you were saying.”
Norman pulled back slightly, his eyes widening in shock. “You couldn’t have heard that.”
“I came home from my promenade during your conversation,” she said. “I know it was wrong to listen, but I heard a snatch of the discussion and realized you were talking about me, and I couldn’t hold myself back. I had to know what was being said. You have to realize, Norman, that I was very confused after that kiss. I didn’t know what to make of it. Perhaps I should have spoken to you, but I couldn’t seem to bring myself to do that. And when I realized you were speaking to your aunt about me, I thought I might get some answers. I thought I might find out what you really thought of me. What you felt for me, and what you wanted.”
She bit her lip. “And I did find out,” she went on. “I heard the two of you talking about ending the marriage. I heard you say that you had no feelings for me, and that you didn’t need to have feelings for me.”
“That was what you wanted,” he said. His voice was raspy. “That was what you said right from the start. You warned me not to fall in love. You wanted nothing to do with love.”
“I know what I said,” she told him. “And it was true when I said it.” She took a deep breath. This was what Leah had encouraged her to do. And she was determined to do it. It was going to be excruciatingly painful, but she had made this decision.
“The truth is,” she said quietly, “I changed my mind, Norman. Or perhaps it would be more fitting to say that I had a change ofheart. It wasn’t the kiss that did it. It was already happening by then. But I think the kiss was what made me realize how far gone I was, and that I had no way back. That I had fallen hopelessly in love with you.” She took a deep breath. “That isn’t what we agreed on. I know that. I don’t want you to feel badly about it. But when I heard you talking to your aunt, it told me for certain that you couldn’t return my feelings.”
Norman was staring at her, wide-eyed. She’d shocked him.
To her surprise, she wasn’t as embarrassed as she had expected to feel when confiding these things. She had thought it would be desperately humiliating, but to say the words aloud was a relief, a rush of cool water over a parched throat.
