What her sister was saying did make sense, little though she liked it. If she was truly honest with herself, she’d have to admit that shedidstill wonder whether it was possible to light a spark between herself and Norman.
That’s part of the reason I’ve been avoiding him. I don’t want to hear that answer, because I’m sure it’s going to be no. I don’t want him to douse this last flickering hope.
But Leah was right. She would never heal until the words had been spoken. She would never be able to stop poking at the wound until the poison had been drawn out.
She still felt confident about what he would say. He would have stopped her from leaving if he’d wanted her to stay. Norman had never been shy about asking for—even insisting on—the things he wanted.
But there was a part of her that did need to hear his rejection spoken aloud. She needed him to tell her that nothing would ever happen between them so that she could let go of her foolish hopes and move on with her life.
I hate that I need this. I hate that I have to put myself in such a painful position to get over what happened. Love is dreadful, and I have always known that. If only I had never allowed it to penetrate my heart!
What a fool I’ve been.
Still, the gratitude she felt to her sister was immense, and she turned and embraced Leah. “Thank you,” she said. “You’re right. I know you are. I do need to speak to him. I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to muster up the courage.”
“That’s all right,” Leah assured her. “There’s no hurry. You can do this in your own time. It’s enough to acknowledge that you do want to do it, and that it’s something you mean to work toward.”
She gave Susan’s arm a squeeze, then walked off toward Marina, leaving Susan alone with her thoughts.
Susan wrapped her arms around herself, feeling dizzy.
She was going to have to see Norman again—but then, she couldn’t deny that a big part of herwantedto see him again. Was eager for it.
Her head spun. Her knees felt weak.
She realized, suddenly, that the things she was feeling were not a function of her confusion—that something was really wrong—but by the time she had made that connection, it was already too late.
Her vision began to tunnel, stars appearing before her eyes, and the ground rushed up to meet her.
Someone called out her name, but Susan felt a long way away from her body, unable to answer the voice. The air was as thick as mud, and she couldn’t swim through it.
And then the world faded around her, and everything was gone.
CHAPTER 36
“You have a letter, Your Grace,” Mr. Billings said.
Norman turned from the window of his study. He has been gazing out at the grounds, at the garden, recalling that he had once told Susan he would give her the power to remake them. They had never gotten around to that, and he wondered now whether the garden would always be a reminder of what he had lost.
Perhaps I should have the whole thing torn out,he thought sourly.Maybe I should just tell the groundskeepers to get rid of it. Why do I need a garden, anyway?
He strode across the room to Mr. Billings and accepted the letter his valet held out. There was no name on the paper. “Who is this from?”
“I don’t know,” Mr. Billings admitted. “It was delivered by a messenger. I did ask who had sent it, but the man didn’t speaka word. He waited only as long as it took for me to accept the message, then turned and left.”
“Very mysterious,” Norman murmured.
“Shall I leave you alone to read it?” Mr. Billings asked.
Norman could see the keen curiosity on the valet’s face. “You may stay,” he said. “I would appreciate your input on whatever this is.” He opened the note and began to read.
Your Grace?—
I write to you, although my sister Leah has told me I ought not do so, because I think you have the right to know what I am about to say. But more than that, I am writing to you because what’s happening is your responsibility. You have a duty to the woman you married.
I wish I could properly tell you what was wrong. The truth is that I don’t know. But Susan is very unwell. Walking in the garden today, she fainted.
A tremor passed through Norman as he read those words. Susan was ill? That was a painful thought. He recalled their last conversation and pressed his lips together tightly. He had been cold to her, and he knew it.
