But she couldn’t have her sister in her room anymore. In a moment, she was going to begin crying. She could already feel the telltale lump in her throat and the tears beginning to build.
She didn’t want to break down. Not in front of Leah, who was so unexpectedly brave and strong, who had overcome so much and was still standing. Still smiling.
Susan could never be as brave as her elder sister.
And she didn’t want Leah to see her weakness.
In this pain, she was alone. And it had to stay that way.
CHAPTER 35
The silence at the breakfast table the next morning was painful. Deafening.
Susan stared at her plate. It was full of good things—fruit, bread, ham—and yet she couldn’t summon an appetite for any of it. Her sisters watched her with concern etched on their features.
“You have to eat something,” Marina implored her.
Susan picked up a piece of dry toast and took a tiny bite.
Marina turned to Leah. “It’s been like this for days.”
“Let’s go for a walk in the garden,” Leah suggested, rising to her feet.
“You’re not going to try to make her eat?”
“I can’t make her,” Leah said gently. “But if we walk together, perhaps talking will get easier. Sometimes that helps me.”
She headed for the door without waiting to see if anyone was following her.
They did follow, of course. Susan rose to her feet automatically and set off after her sister. As much as her situation pained her, she also knew that Leah had come all this way to help her, and she wouldn’t be rude to her sister or shut her out.
Marina was right on her heels, and a moment later the three sisters made their way into the garden.
It was wonderfully refreshing at once. The garden of any estate always beckoned to Susan, and this was—she realized—her first time spending any significant time in the gardens of Marina and Gilbert’s home. They didn’t have as much money as Norman or their father did. Many things here were smaller and less opulent. But when it came to the garden, no expense had been spared.
Marina’s spirits rose at the sight of it. She danced ahead along the path, and Susan and Leah walked behind at a more sedate pace.
“Sometimes I forget just how young she really is,” Leah said fondly. “She’s still so innocent.”
Susan nodded. “In spite of all the bad things in our lives, Marina still believes the best of people.”
“She’s not alone,” Leah told her quietly. “Susan, your husband wasn’t cruel to you. That’s what you told us. Is it true? If there’s something that happened that you’re trying to protect Marina from, I will promise you to keep it to myself. You can tell me.”
Susan sighed. “No,” she admitted. “It’s not like that at all. And to tell you the truth, I feel awful about the way I’ve been reacting.”
“You don’t need to feel bad,” Leah murmured.
“But I do. You’ve been through so much worse than I have. It feels as if I don’t have a right to complain.”
“I see,” Leah said softly. “That’s why you’ve been having such a difficult time opening up to me, isn’t it? You don’t feel as if you’re allowed to talk to me about what you’re going through. You think that you have to keep your problems to yourself, because they aren’t as serious as mine were. Is that right?”
Susan looked away.
“Sue, it’s not true.” Leah put a hand on her shoulder. “This isn’t a contest to see who has been most wronged. You are allowed to feel the things you feel, without comparing yourself to me. You’re allowed to be hurt, if that’s what’s happening. And I won’t be angry with you. I want you to tell me about it.”
Susan hung her head. “All right. I’ll tell you.”
Leah waited.
