“Because I do not care what they think. They have made assumptions about you, and they are wrong. You will prove that in time.”
“And your grandmother–”
“You may not believe me, but whatever you said to her has made her change her mind. She has told me that you have earned her respect, and that though you may never think it is true, she is sorry for the pain that she caused you.”
Cassandra did not believe that, not for a minute. The dowager had hated her from the moment they met, and one single conversation was not going to be enough to sway her in her beliefs. Even so, she wanted to believe it. She wanted to believe that his grandmother had seen the good in her at last if they were to get married.
“And you are certain that she has said that?”
“She told me herself, and she will gladly say it to you too. She feels dreadful about it all, Lady Cassandra.”
She sighed. She wished it was easier to find faults in him, so that when he disappointed her she could say she knew it would happen. She wanted to dissect his flaws so that she could pretend it was better to be rid of them, but try as she might, they were slipping out of reach and she could no longer remember a single one.
“Even so, there are so many obstacles,” she huffed. “We have already had so much to overcome, and it will not stop. Why, when Lady Sylvia hears that we shall marry regardless she will be apoplectic. Who knows what she will do?”
“You shall have to think of another issue, for that one has solved itself. I have already spoken with her, and the truth is that she wishes to marry me as much as I wish to marry her, that being not at all. Our obstacles are disappearing one by one.”
“That changes nothing.”
But it did. If he was right, then the two things that she hated the most about their match were no longer present. They could marry, and all would be well, but a doubt remained in her mind and she could not quite understand just what it was.
The truth was, she knew that he was too good of a man to be true. He had always been the perfect gentleman, and such a thing did not exist. A perfect person always had something to hide, and he would not be an exception.
She considered, as she bunched her skirts in on hand nervously, that she did not deserve to have such an exception. She hadnever been too fortunate, and that would not change, she was certain of that.
“I would say,” he said softly as he took the hand that was holding her skirts, “that it changes everything. By now, the only thing in our way is you, and I would rather that change.”
She found that rather amusing, at least. After so much time spent fretting that everything was wrong with their match, in the end it was herself that was the problem, and even she had been unsuccessful.
Perhaps, she reasoned, they were simply meant to marry, and there was no changing that. She needed to accept her fate, she decided, and be a duchess. However, it was not the great sacrifice that she imagined it would be. In fact, it was what she wanted. She never would have thought, not for a moment, that it was something that would make her happy, let alone something that she would actively delight in, but one look at the Duke was all that she needed to know for certain that it was what she needed.
“Well,” she replied, “it is not as though I can find a way to stop this wedding the day before it takes place. Even I know that I do not have such power as to prevent it.”
He chuckled at that, and she hoped that it was because he knew she did not mean it. It was not that she did not see any other way out, but because she no longer wanted one. She wanted to be his, and she wanted to be the Duchess. If the issues persisted, they could face them, and that was all that she truly needed.
“You are pleased to marry, then?” he asked.
“I am. You know, before all of this, I saw my friend with her child and I could not help but envy her. I have always said that I do not need a husband, and that I do not need to be a wife, and I do still believe that, but I feel that I can want those things, if that makes sense.”
“It makes perfect sense, for I feel the same way. I find that we often agree on matters, which makes a nice change for me. I hardly ever feel that I am understood.”
“Yes, well, if we cannot escape our destiny, and we must marry lest society throw us aside, then we might as well face it together. It will be easier that way, more tolerable.”
“I agree.”
For a moment, she said nothing. He remained quiet alongside her. She had meant every word; they could handle whatever came their way, for if they could manage an angry grandmother and a determined rival, as well as a strange gentleman that felt he had a claim to her of sorts, then they could face theton.
But then the Duke held out his hand, and suddenly that did not feel so certain in her mind.
She did not want to shake his hand as though their match was a business arrangement. She wanted the circumstances to have been different, and for him to have loved her so that they couldhave behaved differently– perhaps even kissed. She wanted to be loved, especially if she was to be a wife. That had always been the one reason why she would change her mind, and she had gone against it.
It was the day before her wedding. She was supposed to be telling her betrothed how much she longed to be his wife, and that she adored him completely, and they would behave as though they were already husband and wife even though they knew it was forbidden. She wanted the thrill of it all, the romance of it all, but he did not show any of it to her.
And she knew it was unfair, but she was furious with him for it. She wanted him to see her, to understand that no matter what she said, she wanted him desperately. She did not know quite when she had fallen for him, but everyone around her seemed to have noticed. Why had he not?
She faltered. If everyone else knew, it meant that he did too, and he was choosing not to act upon it. If that were the case, if he knew that she had true and romantic feelings for him and he did not act any differently, then it could only be because he did not feel the same way. It was a blow, but one that she could not blame him for. Their match was a sensible one and nothing more, and though she could wish for more, it would go unfulfilled and she could not blame him for that.
Cassandra knew that the fault was her own, because she had asked for too much.
