My poor heart. “Yes, baby, next time you see her, you can give her a hug.”
Shit. Despite tucking Charlotte into the back part of my mind, her family jumped to the front. Oh my God. She’d tell them what happened, and they’ll be pissed at me. I scratched my chest, about to panic, when my phone buzzed.
Charlotte:Make sure you tell Christian and Penny. They can help you navigate this.
My facade cracked. My perfect woman would hide her pain to ensure myfriendsstill spoke to me. It didn’t seem fair. I didn’t deserve her, and this only proved it. It didn’t matter how much I loved her or pictured my life with her in a few years. I had hurt her, and I wasn’t sure it was forgivable.
If I thought time had slowed during those first few months after Simone left, it was nothing compared to the five days leading up to the wedding. My ulcers had ulcers.
“You okay, hon?” My mom’s comforting voice helped ease the tension. She called as she and my dad packed for a short trip here for the wedding. They were arriving later this afternoon and I was so excited to see them. I missed them.
I took Gwen to an indoor playground hoping I could tire her out. Tonight was the rehearsal dinner, and while Gwen was invited, she often behaved better when tired. It was a trick I learned early on, that when Gwen used all her energy physically, she had less attitude to talk back and wreak havoc.
She jumped from a large mat into a pit of foam screaming, “Cowabunga!” over and over. She was happy.
That made one of us.
“Great, yeah,” I said. My jaw clenched as the ache worsened in my core, numbing me to feelings of happiness.
When Gwen smiled, the ache lessened. When Gwen told me she loved me or that I was her best friend besides dinosaurs, I smiled too. But the list of things that broke through my exterior was limited.
The unanswered texts from Christian, Penny, and Garrett didn’t help either. Were they yelling at me, calling me an asshole?
Of course not. They wereworried about mebecause Charlotte told them to help me. ThatI was going through a really stressful time.
And Charlotte sent me one text that readI’m thinking about you and Gwen, hope things are okay.
It would’ve been better if she hated me and yelled at me. I deserved that. I didn’t want this… support and loyalty. Running a hand through my hair, I pulled on the ends, welcoming the sting.
“Hayden Orion. I’m about sick of your shit.”
I sat up straighter. “Mom.”
“Don’tmomme in that tone. You are a grown-ass man wallowing in your pathetic pity party for one, and I’m done.”
Swallowing, I adjusted the phone to stop watching Gwen to face her. Hard lines had formed around her mouth, and her narrowed eyes left no room for misunderstanding. She was pissed at me.
“You don’t understand.”
“Cute. We’re playing this game? Tell me what I don’t understand.”
“Mom,” I said, taken aback, “what is this? I thought you were on my side.”
“First, whatside? Who is at war? You and Simone? There is no war there. The woman left Gwen and maybe wants to meet her, which you get to decide when and where. You get to decide if or when she meets her birth grandparents, and let me tell you, being a grandma is the best thing I’ve ever done. So those people are going to dote on her left and right. So who are weagainstexactly? Because the way I see it, you’re fighting against your own happiness and winning.”
“I’m great at winning.”
“My God. I’m gonna smack you upside the head regardless of if your daughter sees.” She pushed her graying hair out of her face, huffing more than I had ever seen. “You know what your problem is?”
I laughed. “Enlighten me.”
“You’re so afraid of finding true happiness, you sabotage yourself any chance you get. This thing with Charlotte—”
“Stop.” Just hearing her name caused my entire body to tense. “This is what’s best.”
“Says who? Didshesay that?”
“I know it.”
